Empire of the Long and Boring

Rating: 5/10 (25 February 2006)

The story of an atheist who dreams about God playing tennis, while the boy grows up in China during the Japanese occupation (1941). The boy is also fascinated with military aviation and hopes to some day join the Japanese air force. Oh, did I mention this boy is English? And a very, very young Christian Bale? Oh yes! But things change when the war heats up and his parents become separated from him. Then he gets really annoying and tries to surrender 20 times (could have been cut to ONCE) and his accent gets thicker and more irritating. I wished he would die after the first 30 minutes, but no such luck.
And why does this movie make the Chinese and Japanese armies look like a bunch of incompetent monkeys? And who's stupid idea was it to throw Ben Stiller in here? At least John Malkovich is cool. But, seriously, what's Steven Spielberg's obsession with little boys? Anyway, the film is both really good and really bad at the same time. While I must say it drags a bit too long for my liking, there were many good things about it. The focus being on the scavengers of a POW camp rather than the actual war made the film entertaining. And the way reality was blended with fantasy was brilliant, although I admit I didn't catch on right away and would probably appreciate these things more with a second viewing... though I have little desire to sit through this again. I am not a Spielberg fan, as his incredible tameness in the world of cinema leaves me feeling empty inside. This film, while better than many of his, still felt like there wasn't enough in it to justify the length.
But, who knows, maybe it's just me. Recommended if you're a Malkovich or Bale die-hard ,but otherwise you're not really missing out on anything by skipping this film.