The worst movie ever made...until Feb 15, 2002 that is...

Rating: Null/10 (19 February 2002)

Title: EMPIRE RECORDS Rating: 0 stars (out of 5)
If you don't get the summary line, it means that Britney Spears' CROSSROADS will probably take the title of worst movie ever made from this. In writing a review of EMPIRE RECORDS, I will admit that I'm making an opinion, though it is agreed by virtually all of my friends, a lot of people I'm not friends with and every single critic to see this piece of crap. I will explain as well as listing some *spoliers*. RECORDS is set in a----oh, hell, you should know anyway---and features a group of teenagers who work there and attempt to save it from being bought by another company and turned into something else. That is all of the plot to speak of, and it's been used so many times before that it can't be labeled as being formulaic anymore. The reason why this film is liked by so many people aged 14-22 is mostly because they say it's funny. Here's my question: what was funny? The film opens up with the person working closing down, taking (no, sorry, stealing) a lot of money out of the cash register, and losing it all in Vegas. Yeah, really funny....and for those of you who found it funny...would you do that? Riiiight!!! Many of these characters are so stupid they make the Three Stooges look like Nobel prize winners. What upset me more is that they are so stereotypical. Anybody who says that these are what real teenagers are like must be mad. I mean, this girl goes in the bathroom and shaves all her hair off....uh, why? Because she's rebelling? (now there's a spoiler for you)....oh, yeah, that would be the excuse of anyone who loves this movie. Hell, if you want to rebel why don't you go to Las Vegas and become a street-walking whore! Another reason why some people love this film...because the actors are hot? THIS IS A MOVIE PEOPLE!!! These people are supposed to be ACTING, not modelling. If you really think Ethan Embry is "hot," buy a damn pin-up calendar! God, no wonder many brainless girls like this movie! Every performance in this movie is so unbelievable, unrealistic and not even poor enough to be funny. That includes the script, which contains some of the worst dialogue ever contributed to a movie (though not as bad as some of the lines in CAN'T HARDLY WAIT). In my closing paragraph, I want to say I met someone once who called this movie THE BREAKFAST CLUB of the 90s. Oh, yes, and did I mention that this person is in a sorority, a cheerleader, and listens to New Kids on the Block? I remember the days when I worked at a video store and destroyed every copy of this film and upsetting so many bimbos who wanted to rent it...rent LUCAS instead, that is the film about REAL teenagers.