if you see one movie this year... make sure its not this one

Rating: 1/10 (24 February 2005)

Empire Records is the worst movie about music there possibly can be (with the exception of possibly 8 mile). The basic theme is the workings of a small time record store, about to become a major music store. The problem with this is the fact that it is ALREADY a major music store, but everyone is too damn dumb and blind to realize it. Its an awful movie with awful actors and an awful plot.
Absolutely none of the characters have any emotion that's more than skin deep. The one and only thing that was ever remotely good about the movie was seeing Lyv Tyler undress, though it certainly isn't worth it to sit through over an hour and a half of CRAP to see less than I could find on the internet in less than five seconds. Honestly, who could actually like bulls**t like this? I borrowed the movie from a friend, and having seen it I am very glad that I did not pay money to see something like this. I would say I want my money back, but instead I'd like the time wasted on this back to do something more useful like burn as many copies of it as I can. If you really want to see what a real small time record store looks like in the form of a movie (with good acting and an actually interesting plot), see High Fidelity. It's soooooo much better.
Once I finished watching this movie, I could only think two things: 1) THANK GOD!!!!!!, and 2) I can't believe that I actually sat through the whole thing. It's probably because I have such a high appreciation for music, that I though it must get better at some point (Steven Tyler must have disowned his daughter after such a disgraceful movie). Despite anticipation though, it only got worse as the "plot" thickened, finally drawing to a conclusion that's "fun for the whole family!"... (Insert fart noise here).
This movie gets a 1/10 because I don't have the option to give it anything less.