If you think it's bad in Washington, DC, go see this movie.

Rating: Null/10 (2 January 1999)

ELIZABETH
Hi, my name is Slim and I just saw a movie about religious men scheming to get rid of the head of state and powerful men are also involved and an advisor of the head of state is involved in skullduggery and intrigue and meanwhile the head of state and some young shapely thing is making like a two-backed beast. Meanwhile, the country is falling apart and the head of state is going to war with some wacko who is tucked away in some far-off land.
I'm talking about "Elizabeth", which takes place some time around the 1550's in merry olde England. The way I figure, Henry VIII has died, and he had this daughter with one of his many wives, but he wanted a son so he chopped off the wife's head. Well, another one of his daughters has taken the crown, but then she dies and the other daughter becomes Queen. Except she's Protestant and the Catholics really don't like that, so they decide to off her. Well, at first she's in a tizzy and can't figure out what's going on because she's in heat and runting about with this Lord. But luckily there's this advisor who is dialed into all the scheming, and he tells the Queen and well, a lot of guys end up with their head on a pole. We got dark, dank scenes of some tower and castles in England, we got lords a leaping and lasses a skipping, we got all sorts of fancy dressed pompous asses strutting about, we got the Queen being a wench, we got some guy being readied for a Burger King commercial, and finally we got a bunch of religious guys going to find out if there really is a heaven. Also, we got all these scenes jumping and bopping about and I sure do wish all these producers and directors would stop watching so much MTV.
Two and three-quarters stars. Go check it out if you think Washington, DC is really bad and couldn't get any worse.
El Monte Slim