Biography of Britains most famous monarch

Rating: Null/10 (6 July 1999)

ELIZABETH ( rating, * * out of 5 )
There are a collection of pompous drools out there who will insist to the very end that 'Elizabeth' is a good movie. There are even some deluded ink-wasters who resolutely believe that 'Elizabeth' is a great movie. All I can be bothered to say about this drawn out costume drama is that it's nothing more than a big-budget yawnfest - the contemporary genre Hollywood takes proud credit for.
Writer Michael Hirst and director Shekhar Kapur deliver a goose egg that promises a lot and delivers nothing. Feminist inklings abound in this profile of the most famous of monarchs in British history - set in the 1500's, those days when Prince Charles may have been relevant and when royalty was taken seriously, even though they ponced, posed and postured in frilly underwear that made Adam Ant look conservative.
The overrated cast are another baffling element in a series of baffling elements, considering the kudos and awards they received. Cate (I believe that going from anemic to vacant with absolute gusto is good acting) Blanchett, Geoffrey (now that I've won an Oscar I can underplay drama) Rush, Richard (present solely to offer credibility) Attenborough, Joseph (if anyone else says I look like Cary Elwes I'm going to just spit ) Fiennes, and John (I can do a wonderful impression of John Gielgud) Gielgud.
What a tedious and long-winded film this is - 123 minutes that seemed to last longer than the bronze age - I've seen better film around my bath-tub. The question I have to ask here is, how did this motion picture receive such acclamation and the subsequent awards? Obviously, politics in the film industry is a delicate balance and if you play by the rules while groveling shamelessly, you'll be well and truly supported, defended and sustained.
That may be the reality of cinema politics, but a film on its release to the public has very little to hide behind. If the final product is less than adequate, the studios will try to manipulate opinion with a barrage of publicity, plugging, PR, puffery and promotion. A hypnotic power-play designed to influence the not so profound amongst us.
So what are the facts then? 'Elizabeth' is a pedestrian movie that doesn't deserve the status it was given. Another overvalued, overpriced and overestimated dull-athon where waking up in a pool of your own vomit would be more edifying. I make no apologies for being so forthright, and for those critics who can't see past the hype, well, you're just churning cogs in the wheels of movie machination.
Let's for a brief moment consider this film's good points. The production design is impressive, the costumes are extraordinary and Geoffrey Rush grew up about 50 miles from where I live. Which goes to show that even the fibro dwellers of Queensland, if they work hard enough, can get a shot at the big time.
Give this tedious nudnik a wide birth and spend some time with the family instead. I wish I had, and if you knew my family, you'd realise what a big statement that was.