Absolute Bottom Gravy

Rating: 1/10 (5 December 2017)

The 1958 film with John Mills and company told the story of Dunkirk in a masterly manner showing the horror and the struggle to survive. The 2004 BBC Drama/Documentary showed some of the neglected aspects in those who manned the line to allow survivors to escape the carnage.
In both there were some excellent acting performances from the likes of Richard Attenborough, Bernard Lee and Benedict Cumberbatch. Both told a wonderfully uplifting story of heroism and sacrifice to allow Britain to withdraw its army across the channel and continue the struggle. Neither shied away from the reality that was Dunkirk showing the audience the terror of attack from the air and the murder of civilians by the Luftwaffe and soldiers by the SS. The 1958 ensemble cast and the BBC documentary cast told the story from different perspectives in a way that made you feel part of what was going on.
This pile of over rated toilet slop showed that film makers today have not the first clue how to tell a Historical story. Jumping back and forward telling the story from the air, the sea and the land and achieving nothing more than confusing the audience as Tom Hardy endlessly attacked the same plane for an hour and a half before running out of fuel and landing faultlessly on the beach and into a nest of Germans.
The beaches were sparsely occupied by a few short lines of soldiers and there was no sense of peril as the Third Reich bore down on them. The odd air attack allowed Kenneth Branagh a chance to look dramatic and stern and some bloke from the army was there because there would have been some bloke from the army there in 1940.
The dunes behind the beach were empty and nobody seemed that much in a hurry to leave. It must have been Hell for our brave lads in 1940 but it was a Hell for the 2017 audience as this incredible story was reduced to a few blokes here and there doing stuff in a really boring manner whilst being shot at once in a while from invisible Germans.
The utterly stupid scene that opened this dross shows the Nazis a few hundred yards from the beach which is guarded by our brave French allies but nothing about the British who were holding the perimeter to allow the Army to retreat to Dunkirk. Their bravery is not even hinted at as they sacrificed their lives to allow others to get away.
The French are treated with disdain as if their courage amounted to very little as a Frenchman sneers at a 'brave' Brit who has thrown his rifle away and ran through their lines. Being told to 'p#ss off' by a British officer when they dare to join the rather small line of Brits waiting for rescue.
Even the terror of a torpedo attack looked rather dull and nothing Nolan did had an authentic look about it. The soldiers on the mole did not look as if they had spent weeks fighting their way out of Belgium against a Nazi horde and looked rather dapper as they strolled along the pier.
When they got to the other side they arrived in the 80s and got on trains that were a bit too modern for that period as seen by the upholstery. Nothing about this film caught the imagination. Only the Mark Rylance Mr Dawson character and his crew looked as if they were actually interested. This was the only decent bit of the film.
Tom Hardy flying around bored me silly and I was rooting for the ME109 at one stage. The worst were the land characters Kenny just one of a bad bunch. At least he was able to emote as Jerry bombed the handful of extras portraying hundreds of thousands of frightened, exhausted, hungry, thirsty and defeated soldiers trying to stay alive among the dunes. This nonsense does not even try to reflect the courage and steadfastness of our soldiers instead focusing on two cowardly types who weasel their way to the front carrying a stretcher.
How the media was able to tell the arriving soldiers that 300,000 had been saved bemused me but was just another piece of terrible storytelling.
I had looked forward to this but it was dreadful. Want to watch the real story go to 1958 and 2004. This turkey is not worth your time.