One of those Highly Annoying Jump Around in Time movies, about a bunch of guys standing on a beach

Rating: 4/10 (24 July 2017)

I went into Dunkirk with high hopes, respecting the director, and impressed with what I had seen from the previews, but expecting they were hiding the best for last in the movie.
I left confused, disappointed, and as I walked back over the movie, I grew increasingly so.
This movie, which, if we were to believe the media hype around it, is a proud return to the stellar WWII movies of our youth, in short, a complete opposite to the disaster that was the 2001 Pearl Harbour movie. NO CGI!!! We are informed, as if that somehow indicates the signs of a GOOD movie...
Instead we are treated to an incredibly boring 2 hours of guys standing on a beach, an old fella driving his boat, and some very leisurely and boring flying.
I was disappointed going in that the movie was only 2 hours. 'Barely enough time to give such a subject the grandeur it deserves' many were saying.
Instead I was staring at my watch, begging this snore fest to be done, and begging that the ludicrous stories would not be overtopped by even more ludicrousness.
I was wrong, the finale, which I'll get to, is so completely ridiculous that one wonders if they were hoping for zero pilots in the audience.
No, I'm not a WWII war buff who is going to rip this movie a new one because of technicalities. The mistakes are both small and huge in this movie, and seemingly never ending.
The movie makes an attempt to separate the topics into 3 main areas: Land, Sea, and Air. Or, to be more accurate, Boring scenes of guys standing around at the beach, lots of guys drowning in multiple ship sinkings while grandpa putters with his son and friend to the rescue, and leisurely Sunday flight maneuvers with a couple of planes.
LAND.
In trying to be realistic, C. Nolan, instead of CGI'ing the spectacle of 400,000 desperate soldiers crowding on a beach awaiting rescue, we are shown maybe 500, many of which are apparently cardboard. It's about the size of a rock concert lineup outside the stadium on Friday night, for an old 70's band. The guys are bored, we are bored.
Occasionally a dive bomber comes down to drop some bombs and kill 1 guy or 2. Then back to smoking and staring at the sea. When this seems like it will just never end, we get a scene change as some soldiers find an old boat and try to sit in it and wait for the tide. Yes, this is a riveting scene of guys sitting in a boat waiting for the tide to come in. And it's exciting compared to what we saw previously. Then a guy loses his mind and decides someone must die, for some bizarre reason, he figures if one guy get's out the bullethole ridden hulk will finally float.
SEA.
We are treated so multiple ship sinkings and guys drowning. It's never ending. If you are a shipwreck survivor, I HIGHLY Recommend YOU AVOID THIS MOVIE!!!! It will re-ignite your PTSD. We see the same sinking over and over, from multiple angles because? THIS MOVIE JUMPS AROUND IN TIME.
I am biased, as I ABSOLUTELY HATE movies that jump around in time. This is one of the worst I have seen in years for that.
AIR.
They have only 1 German bomber left that can fly, apparently, so we are treated to that, exactly ONE bomber. Flying around and around, aka jump around in time, from multiple angles. Now the technical details come to the front, as droves of pilots walk to the exits. The spitfire fighters have an inexhaustible supply of bullets. The German planes refuse to get out of the way of the bullets. The spitfire pilots appear bored as bullets strike their planes. All planes execute lazy, civilian aircraft lazy turns and banks, as if they are all out for a nice Sunday fly.
The spitfire pilot flies around for the last ten minutes with his thumb on the fire trigger, as if he doesn't know what the heck he is doing. Then he proceeds to glide for about 10 minutes with no fuel, and shoot down a German plane, in a heavy fighter plane that would have been on the beach in 2 minutes with zero banking or turning. He glides up and down the beach like this for what seems an eternity. It is maddening.
Finally, a guy ditches his plane in the drink but FORGETS TO OPEN HIS CANOPY FIRST. A cardinal sin for any pilot. He is rescued by a kid with a boathook, who somehow manages to chop through his canopy in one blow, even though it's already under water. Cringeworthy.
MUSIC FAULTS
As a young lad loads lifejackets onto his dad's boat, we are treated to a hammering tension filled score that one would expect for the imminent attack of JAWS. No jaws, or Godzilla happens, just... a ... kid... slowly loading lifejackets... on a boat.
SOUND FAULTS
As stated, they accidentally put the '20mm cannon guns firing' noise over top of the German bomber machine guns firing. See Battle of Britain for a properly done WWII flying picture.
EDITING FAULTS
The movie jumps around in time so much one is quickly infuriated. It appears we are watching 20 minutes of film that is stretched to 2 hours using the multiple camera angles.
FALSE DANGERS
Finally,
There was zero rough stormy seas during Dunkirk. It was the opposite actually, unusually calm.
There was zero issue with the tide at Dunkirk. They had boarding options all the way from high tide to low.
Both of these are used as tension elements and plot elements in the movie.