Keep on walking past the theater and rent Two Lane Blacktop

Rating: Null/10 (3 May 2001)

Sylvester Stallone produced, wrote, and starred in this dribble of a film about the harsh world of the Indy racing circuit. This up close and personal speedfest is at first impressive, then after the first two races it become repetative reminding me why I never watch a car race from start to finish, "Wow, that was fast - how many more times around? 150 laps? Crap.". Lord only knows what inspired this cinematic opus (yes, I know that there cannot be such a thing as a cinematic opus, as the root of an opus is musical, but I love challenging the structure of the English language.)
Stallone plays an old hat racer that is brought back into the sport by Burt Reynolds to coach the rookie kid that has the skills but needs some direction. As blockage in Stallone's path is the rookies obsessive brother/agent, Stallone's ex-wife, and of course his old nemesis. A predictible storyline, bad acting, unlikable characters and a snore after the first half hour make me think that there are only two things that can save a movie like this: cool crash scenes and nudity. It sadly only delivers one of these.

The crashes are impressive and the special effects that put you "in the driver's seat" are breathtaking, but that alone is not enough to carry an entire movie. One of the CG effects really annoyed the hell out of me, however: during a race in the rain, it shows a first person view of the driver . Realistically, all you would see is a smokescreen of water coming off the tires of the racer in front and shooting at you at 220 miles per hour, but instead, it looks like someone tossing blobs of hair gel at 5 MPH.
I honestly cannot recommend this movie even for rental. I wasn't expecting this to be a good film, but I was expecting it to be fun. I walked away from the theater shaking my head and wishing I had saved my money.
For those that want a movie that captures the spirit of speed and the open road in it's entirety without flashy nonesense that most movies believe are necessary, watch Two Lane Blacktop.