A New "Bullitt"? Only if Kim Kardashian is the new Marilyn Monroe

Rating: 1/10 (17 September 2011)

Worse tripe since "Black Dahlia". At least Josh Hartnett TRIED to act in that. The direction on "Drive" appears to be "action"...and somebody forgot to say "cut". Not to mention actually film any action.
I'm also rather bemused by all the "you don't really know anything about film", if you don't happen to worship at this piece of post-modernist crap. I can guaranFRAKINGtee you that my "best of" list has movies most can barely pronounce, let alone have ever seen. I studied film at college and I've seen more art/cult/indy movies in ONE DAY than most of you have in your lifetimes.
So, I know pretentious crap when I see it, and this pretentious crap.
I usually love pretentious crap. I can usually get SOMETHING out of, though. Some acting, some plot, some music, some action. But instead, we get dull actors, a heist gone wrong cliché, REALLY bad 80s music, and precisely 5 minutes of really good driving at the very beginning.
This film has nothing to offer me but Albert Brooks (which is the only reason it gets one star, although I can't really give it zero).
And, no, I've never seen "Fast and Furious". I don't intentionally watch a Bruckheimer movie. And I would have got the irony if there was actually not a single bit of driving in this movie.
If you want the same effect this movie gave me, put on a car commercial, push pause, drink a shot of cough syrup, hit play for three seconds, repeat. It would help if your three year old was playing with a Casio keyboard as well, or put on the "Miami Vice" soundtrack (TV show, not movie).
Do yourself a favour: rent "Into the Night" and "The Limey" if you want a vision of gritty LA. Or, hell, watch "The Shield", which had more integrity in one scene than in the six hours this pretentious crap seemed to be.
Oh, and Christina Hendricks gets a credit? The car's tachometer gets more screen time.
Between her prominent, er, billing, and the trailer, this was pure Hollywood shuck and jive, bait and switch. I went only because of the good review from one of my fave hometown reviewers, on a Saturday night date. Don't tell me this wasn't deliberately marketed as such.