The 5 second version will be 2 seconds and boring.

Rating: Null/10 (27 September 2011)

Title/Credits text color/font: Pink...why? That choice made no sense.
Music: Some kind of abysmal 80s slow pop/dance, wanted to walk out.
Character names:Blanche, Burnie, Nino, Shannon (a dude), Standard, Cook. None of those names work, every time I heard them they jumped out and annoyed me.
Actors: Gosling (dude blow your nose, your talking all funny), Cranston (wasted his talent), Hendricks (pointless role for her) were all fine. Brooks was a poor choice. I wish Perlman would retire, I can't stand his acting or his face. Mulligan was kinda creepy, girls who always look like they are going to cry creep me out.
Random boobs: Are random. Those strippers were way too calm, a guy was about to get his face bashed in with a hammer....maybe strippers witness murders every day....I don't know, I don't know any strippers.
Driving: None to speak of, only two "driving" scenes and both were lackluster at best.
Story line: Been done, no surprises.
Wardrobe: Whats with the scorpion jacket? Didn't everyone burn their tacky embroidered silk jackets in 1986? Oh so your not going to explain that? OK now its full of blood and hes still rollin around town like its no bid deal, thats cool. Gangster bloodstains is the new black.
Pacing: I think what happened is at some point the realized that they only had 1/3 of a movie so they just asked the actors to stare off into the distance for 20 seconds at the end of every scene.