Self absorbed, cringingly clichéd tat.

Rating: 2/10 (17 December 2011)

I'll be brief because I've wasted enough of my time with this film already. This review contains no spoilers only criticism. I have never written a film review in my life, I have been roused from apathy by the entirely undeserved high score this film seems to have here on IMDb.
What a load of self absorbed art student-esque rubbish. The only saving grace was occasional excellent cinematography but even this becomes laboured and self-conscious as the director attempts to introduce yet more blue and yellow light to all and any given situation.
My two main criticisms are how utterly cliché ridden the spoon fed narrative was and the tedious pauses and smirks which I'm afraid cannot replace acting when done this badly. Themes in a narrative should be subtle and left for the viewer to interpret not rammed down your throat with a eighties gloved fist. This is why I don't attempt creative writing because themes would appear clunky, forced and amateur, the result would be dreadful, I stick to what I'm good at. The clichés: quiet, strong, brooding hero. Okay so these are the classic themes of the American spaghetti western but I'm afraid this needs to be paired with credible acting and here Ryan Gosling fails entirely. Instead of the steadfast stoic cowboy his unconvincing acting (consisting almost entirely of uncomfortable smirks) produced a sort of creepy autistic dimwit whom I'm fairly sure I wouldn't let anywhere near my vulnerable child. Carey Mulligan seems to be a nice enough lady, her character here though does and says not a thing in the entire film. She doesn't seem to make any sort of decision or express any sort of opinion about the situation she finds herself in. Again just another cliché ridden character (vulnerable, victim single mum) not really able to affectively carry the attempted mood of the film because like Gosling she just doesn't have the sort of acting skill this sort of thing would require.
Okay so perhaps I have another problem with the film, it's plot, or lack of plot. Wow this limp story could have occupied literally half of the time and not appeared rushed in anyway. The result of stretching this obvious idiot tale over an hour and forty minutes with tedious non- acting is painful and occasionally had me looking away from the screen for something interesting happening in the living room.
Just for the record I love some art house/film noir. I think what's happened here is the director Nicolas Winding Refn has tried to actualise a series of concepts and failed to do it in a convincing way. I have some sympathy for him and the main actors as they've attempted something very very difficult and if it had worked it may have been an absolute classic. It's a high risk strategy as the result was either going to be great or absolutely diabolical and I'm afraid it's the latter here.
As I'm normally a relatively positive person I'll like to finish with something cheery:
Albert Brooks who plays gangster Bernie Rose does an incredible job and the result was utterly convincing. He brought to life a truly chilling, terrifying and charming psychopath. Super job.