Drag Me to a Better Movie...... Please!

Rating: 1/10 (1 June 2009)

I admit it, I've got a soft spot for horror movies, and because of this I tend to be more forgiving than most when it comes to this much-maligned genre. Yet, in spite of all this, I can find nothing redeeming to recommend in Sam Rami's Drag Me to Hell.
Garnering a stunning consensus of positive praise from both Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic websites, I have to wonder if perchance I was screened an alternate print from which all quality had been stripped? To describe the plot as basic is being kind. Filled with claptrap and predictability (things are telegraphed to the audience so far in advance as to be insulting), it tells the story of Christine Brown (Alison Lohman), an insecure and somewhat timid loans officer at a bank. In an attempt to portray herself as worthy of a managerial promotion she's in contention for, she snubs a request from an elderly gypsy woman (Lorna Raver) who's seeking an extension on her mortgage payments. Denied, the woman places a curse on Brown in which an invisible demon known as a Lamia will torment her for three days before ultimately dragging her and her soul to Hell for eternal torment.
While much of the accolades for this film focus on Raimi's return to the humor-infused approach he used in the latter two installments of his Evil Dead trilogy, Drag Me to Hell's "humor" is largely of the gross-out variety. If your idea of funny is the sight of the old woman slopping out her disgusting goo-covered dentures, or puking green embalming fluid down Brown's throat, then no doubt you'll find this a laugh riot.
The problem is that while Raimi has learned to restrain himself over the years and become a commercially viable go-to choice for big, largely non-demanding Hollywood projects (Darkman, The Quick and the Dead, The Spiderman franchise), he hasn't really broken through and elevated himself to auteur status. At his core he's still a hack – albeit one with a love for comics, slapstick and parody – but a hack nonetheless. At a moment when Raimi should be stepping up and claiming the mantle of horror maestro, he's instead regressed and churned out a product that is puerile, simplistic, and gratuitous. Still, if the positive reviews keep flowing his way (this one excepted), Raimi will no doubt follow things up with a sequel, likely titled Drag Me Laughing to the Bank.