mindless teen crap. (spoilers)

Rating: Null/10 (25 March 2004)

Everyody I knew that saw this said things to me like, "oh my god, it's so good and the ending is open to so many conclusions, it's so powerful", blah, blah, whatever. What I saw was a hastily put-together, heavily stereotypical teen movie. When it first came out I thought maybe that Hollywood was trying to cash in on the success of Donnie Brasco by putting out a sequel. Even that would have been more interesting than what I saw. Donnie Darko is a disturbed teen living at home with his yuppie scum parents. He gets drunk in his spare time, sees a therapist (of course), gets made fun of by bullies that could have come straight out of American Pie, and meets a really hot girl who would never have even given him the time of day if the movie were real. Halfway through the movie, he begins to have hallucinations of a man who looks like Lou Diamond Phillips in a f*cked up looking rabbit mask. This character, named Frank, tells him about how the end of the world is coming. As a result of that, Donnie basically goes out and does what he wants. He meets this crazy old lady that was supposed to have written a book about time travel. If there was anything that explains the whole freaking premise of the movie, it was this scene, and we NEVER see the old woman again. He begins to read the book, and during that time he starts going out with the hot girl, Gretchen. They eventually go to some party and (it is assumed) has sex with her. Towards the end of the movie, Gretchen dies. At the VERY end, Gretchen is still alive and Donnie Darko dissapears off the face of the earth, leaving us to assume he traveled back in time, killed himself, or moved to Sri Lanka. Sound like it makes no sense? It doesn't.
This seemed like some kind of nonsense art movie, that the director made because he had extra time, or maybe as a tax writeoff. The reason why I disliked it was because it was just another teen movie, complete with it's cast of "pretty" characters and unreal situations. I'm sorry, but you can't make a serious teen movie. It just isn't possible. And you can't make a teen movie then throw in some intelligent sounding time-travel/armageddon/hallucinatory concept to make it, uh, NOT a teen movie. Also, during the movie, every two scenes or so, we get to see just how many days are left until armageddon. It almost seems like they put those in there to keep the person watching the movie. If you want to see an intelligent, avant-garde art movie, watch Naked Lunch. If you want to see a rushed, stereotypical teen movie with some sci-fi elements thrown in, watch this turkey. Maybe two out of five stars. Maybe.