There's just not enough lesbians

Rating: 1/10 (24 November 2006)

How can a film possibly be classed as good let alone great when at no point during its agonising 133minutes run time does it mention even once what the hell is going on. You cant can you? The above film is a mess of plot holes and useless information that doesn't help when trying to understand the story. This film is Donnie Darko, the film you love. At no point, no message within it and to grasp the pretentious overly thought out drivel that the 'director' calls a plot you are forced to shell out again to purchase a 'directors cut' edition where this conceited, arrogant excuse for a man will at length explain that the last 2hours of your life have been about nothing more than a teenager saving the world from the apocalypse. Thats right, Donnie Darko is End of Days except a pansy teenage angst ridden rendition. For the more adventurous among us, it might be a better course of action to simply purchase a needle full of happy juice where upon you can save the world from a disastrous plot and poor acting yourself, and lets face it: its cheaper and more fulfilling. The utterly pretentious opening scene in which Donnie is lying in the road leads us all to pray he will be struck down by an on-coming heavy goods lorry, ending the horror before it begins. And let's face it it doesn't get any better; we are disappointed when it's Donnie's girl friend that catches it beneath the wheels of a speeding justice wagon and not the sickeningly adolescent hero, who has become increasingly unworthy of our empathy throughout the film. In terms of 'cult' status; the film has gained a legion of short sighted fans that fail to see through the mist of faeces that clouds their vision from the truth; its like being beaten to death with your own legs, humiliating, painful and when its over you die (inside). The fundamental problem with Donnie Darko is its just too up itself, and there aren't enough lesbians.