Don't Bother

Rating: 2/10 (11 May 2019)

May contain mild spoilers: There isn't much more I can add about this travesty that hasn't already been said, but given the urge I'm about to do it anyway.
For me, the most important element of a film is a relatable protagonist. It will stand or fall depending on whether or not I care about the main character(s), and/or what becomes of them by the film's conclusion. Cinematography, direction, acting, and even script are secondary. A good example of a well made film with an irredeemable protagonist would be 'Saturday Night, Sunday Morning' by Karel Reisz, starring Albert Finney as Arthur Seaton; a loutish factory worker you wouldn't trust to look after your goldfish, who shoots air guns at old ladies, carries on with his workmate's missus, getting her pregnant in the process, and while he does receive the inevitable, well deserved beating from his mate's brothers, he learns nothing from the ordeal and still gets to skip away into the sunset with Shirley Anne Field. This, therefore, loses the film points for me. I know it's subjective but that's how I work.
Here, in 'Don't Breathe', we have an even less redeemable character whom we are presumably supposed to be rooting for even prior to the reveal that the person standing in her way, an OLD BLIND MAN that she, along with her wannabe gangsta boifrend and her useful friendzoned beta intend to BURGLE, isn't such a savoury character himself. But by then it was far too late, I'd already taken sides, and even though I was supposed to now wish him a slow painful death for his admittedly warped reaction to his daughter being killed, I wanted exactly the same fate to befall our thieving little trailer trash heroine. Right until the bitter end (yes I did stick it out in the vain hope that I'd get my wish), I was rooting for the old man and his dog all the way.
But of course, our cute little misunderstood house invader gets not only what she came for but three times the amount! Seeing as she no longer has to split it with her now dead colleagues...and of course, she gets to fly off into the sunset without a care in the world, leaving four dead bodies in her wake.
But wait! The fourth, the old blind guy, isn't dead after all! Leaving this horrible enterprise ripe for a sequel.
You can see it now. Our cute little bikinied heroine whose crimes we are meant to overlook because she's cute and looks good in a bikini, lying on Malibu beach sucking pina coladas out of a coconut shell, her cute little sister building sandcastles and pestering her for ice-cream, she turns around and then suddenly THERE HE IS! Dark glasses, flip flops, Hawaiian shirt. His loyal Rottweiler panting away happily by his side. The camera zooms in on her pretty little face, a bead of sweat running down the side as she removes her shades and utters but one word, "How?"
My thoughts exactly. 1 out of ten, 2 for effort.