Don't feel bad for skipping "Don Jon."

Rating: 4/10 (4 February 2014)

I feel terrible for rating a Gordon-Levitt production so low, especially one he wrote and directed, but this is just a bad movie. This movie boils down to...Shallow guy dates shallow girl then eventually becomes less shallow by having sex with an older red head lady. No other way to describe it, just BAD. Here's why I think it belongs in the depths of the Walmart's $5 bargain DVD bin:

This really isn't an interesting or even entertaining film. Boring premise, wooden characters, terrible dialogue (unless you like Jersey Shore), and just a flat out bad script. Was it supposed to be a satire? Even if so...it still missed its mark.

The acting is atrocious. JGL did the best he could with his own terrible script and he had his funny moments, but overall it was a forgettable performance. Tony Danza, Scarlett Johannson, and Jeremy Luke should be up for razzies for their performances. Didn't even know who Luke was until I looked up his IMDb page and saw he was in such cinematic treasures as "Jersey Shore Shark Attack." Nuff said. Johannson's accent was like listening to Fran Drescher's voice combined with a fork grinding on a chalkboard; awful. As for Tony Danza...that guy should never be allowed near a film set...ever.

Julianne Moore looks like a man in certain scenes. She really does. I don't get this movie honestly...He goes from "smashing" Scarlett to sweatin' with the oldies. Ewwwww. If you tilt the screen and squint a little bit, she looks like an older version of Carrot Top. I won't even delve into the fact that her character is incredibly unrealistic and FORCED into the plot by a cheap plot device...but yeah. I digress.

The porn. I'm not a prude by any means, but this premise was just dumb. Sure, It got a few obligatory laughs from me in the beginning, but after a while, hearing the sound effect of the computer turning on became tiresome and tedious. I realize that the movie is based on Jon finding passion and romance in REAL sex instead of porn, but it just got tiresome and by the end of the movie you didn't even care.

This film feels fresh for about 10 minutes until the terrible acting, robotic characters, and horrid dialogue begin to close in all around you like the killer garbage chute in Star Wars New Hope. Hoping it would get better, I watched the whole film but it really did not. Sorry Mr. Gordon Levitt.