Dear god

Rating: 1/10 (12 December 2007)

This movie represents everything that is wrong with the modern day American cinema. After viewing it, i just felt compelled to create an IMDb account and write out of me this awful feeling this movie has left me with. Where do i start? Oh, how about the movie not being funny at all to someone that isn't an 'average Joe'? It really goes to the lowest of the low, like Vaughn's team motto 'Aim low'. Guys, they even made Rip Torn say things like 'Crotch stain' and made a dirty old bastard out of him.... Oh, there's also Chuck Norris, god knows why.. and Captain Kirk. God, i feel dumb after watching this insult to my idea of Ben Stiller. I can see this piece of excrement be entertaining only to those who do not care, or the brain dead. Even Stiller makes a remark about this, in the last minute of this 'movie'. To sum it up, Bad guy pathetically comical + his towering team of ethnically diverse henchmen on steroids, Good guy charming underachiever (so the target audience doesn't get offended, and can identify) + a group of oddballs that don't deserve life (but the movie makes their existence meaningful) + a token black dude (blaxploitating away) + a pirate (??) whose entire self-image is based on what Vaughn's character has to say during a self doubt now - hero redeem later scene. We also have that guy from the 'Excalibur' SF series, playing the role of the commentator, i liked Excalibur, so i can forgive. Oh, there's a girl, naturally, a tough one, naturally, that slams Stiller's character into a wall, in order to prove that women are tough. Women are really tough right? Yeah, i thought so. Oh, she's also not a lesbian, she's Bi. Is there a category on this site for the worst scene ever? The scene where the heroine kisses another woman and her comment 'I'm not lesbian. {pause} I'm bi-sexual' to quell the attention of Vaughn's character and that of the black token is sickeningly unimaginative. Whoever wrote this line really pulled a reverse Tolkien.
Don't, for any reason whatsoever take an hour and a half out of your life to watch this. You'll smile twice and that's it.