Rear Window without the View or Talent

Rating: 3/10 (9 March 2008)

A wannabe Rear Window remake that is in actuality an adolescent's wet dream. A teen boy gawks out his windows while under house arrest at the hottie next door who is kind enough to regularly appear in a skimpy bathing suit and move...in slow motion yet...seductively while removing clothing (always with appropriate modesty for cameras she doesn't know are there). Everything she does is a pose like "vogue" ing of several years ago and makes the movie hysterical...unintentionally. (And thus the three stars I gave it.) Grace Kelly she ain't. Though she seems to think she is.
It took nearly an hour to get out of the set up and into the Oh that's why they made this movie. You're never sure if it's supposed to be a comedy or not or just the writer reliving teen fantasies. No new twists to an old plot. But plenty of schmaltzy dialogue. Chalk one up for Kelly Wannabe. It's tough to deliver bad lines with a pout.
All that and lousy acting, too.
Disturbia-ing. Don't watch. Even with binoculars.