Unbelievably awful nonsense

Rating: Null/10 (27 August 2002)

Spoiler warning. Criticising this movie is like bullying people smaller and weaker and more pathetic than yourself: it's too easy. First of all, what has happened to Patrick Swayzey Fantayzy? He spends half the film looking like a gay Terminator, and the other half looking like a comatose fool. Jennifer Gray, meanwhile, simply looks vapid and embarrassed. And who can blame her? If I were as vapid as her, I'd be embarrassed too. The dance sequences are so naff it's hilarious. The "plot" is inane and patronising. But the ending is the real humdinger. Here are the good and boring and conservative kids putting on their old-fashioned show, only to be interrupted, before the first song has finished, by Patrick Suwayyyzeee, telling them that only he has the right to perform on this stage. So they all p*** off and let him get on with it. Instead of saying, "Hang on, gay terminator man, we've put a lot of work into this, you arrogant prick. So sod off." But no, they all just drift away, allowing our plastic heroes to dance to "The time of my life". A song featuring synthesisers and singers from the early eighties. In a film set in the fifties (?). And no-one comments along the lines of, "Wow, what is this music of the future?" They all just dance. Holy crap, what a load of crappy crap. There are good teen movies out there, somewhere, but this really is the pits.