A Party for the General

Rating: 6/10 (22 March 2015)

Mr. Potato Head before becoming Potato Head was called Juan Ma Klein. And he used to hang around in glass buildings and airports. So Juan M. Klein is there in an airport minding his own business, waiting for his wife so they can have some champagne in a hotel when all of a sudden a policeman tows his car away. Juan tries to pull some shady 'I'm a policeman so give me a break' thing but he can't get away with it. Am I supposed to sympathize with a guy that pulls badge when he breaks the law? Why do I have to consider the policeman that is actually following the law and doing his job an arse? Anyways, Juan's car gets towed and he carries on waiting for his wife.
There are some really nasty guys that are planning a reception party for a General. The bad guys are really mean cause they walk down hallways wearing angry faces in silence and they are still angry and silent when in the elevator. What if anyone farted? Would they smile then? The chief of the baddies is a naked ninja that shoots imaginary bullets with his imaginary gun (in reality a remote control) at the TV. The General they are throwing the klatch for is called Esperanza (meaning "Hope" which is nice), he used to be the dictator of the Republic of Valverde, a country located between Mexico and Argentina. You know, an imaginary country that says "is in Latin America" but does not point fingers in case those red countries have cinemas and their inhabitants might get offended.
The baddies' plan is as follows. Step 1. Two guys will desecrate a church and kill the warden/priest, who will die in slow motion. Step 2. Two guys will go to the luggage handling area to tamper with something, because we all know that main airport systems are located there. Step 3. The naked ninja and his bff will hang around the airport instead of going to the church because there's no other way of making Juan and naked ninja collide. Step 4. Gain control of the airport. Step 5. Throw a party for Mr. Hopes. Sounds easy, right? Wrong! They did not count with Juan being there and he being the only policeman with half a brain! Juan kills one of the baddies and no one seems to care, because Washington's police dpt. is full of idiotic fats it seems.
Once naked ninja gains control of the airport he demands that no one meets the airplane General Hope is in, he'll handle the party all by himself. Juan is mad cause his wife is there up in the sky surrounded by a dorky old woman and an annoying news reporter, and he wants to have champagne! So he decides to try and regain contact with all the other airplanes to let them land, because airplanes although having all sorts of computer magics in them, cannot land without light bulbs in the ground.
Naked ninja gets mad and crashes a plane. The plane apparently has no gas left but it explodes like OMG-did-we-just-witness-the-Tzar-bomb? It doesn't really matter because the plane looks very cheap, like one of those airlines that makes you pay even when you fart. So we don't care that much. Oh no wait, we care because Juan finds a teddy bear and that's just outrageous! Meanwhile Juan's wife is having champagne by herself in the air, more outrage! She could not wait for her husband! No wonder they get divorced! Hope's airplane lands and both naked ninja and Juan go to greet him, but a fight ensues, it seems they are both battling to see who is Hope's best friend. They shoot at each other with 90's bullet sounds that are super realistic. Juan loses and has to leave pulling the emergency escape thing from the pilot's chair, which throws him like 130 miles up in the air but he survives the fall because he's a ghost from the very beginning.
A special task force arrives, but they are shooting only imaginary bullets cause they are on naked ninja's side and we all know how he loooooves imaginary things.
Special Task Force, Naked Ninja force and Hope they all decide to go and have the party in the Bahamas, so they board another plane. Juan is maaaad. He did not get and invite and his wife is probably slutting it out all drunk in the air, so he does what every rational man would do: climb into the wing of an aircraft taking off. He falls and he goes WTH Yippee ki-yay and lights up the gasoline that is being left by the plane, and since we all know that that gas being lit travels faster than light itself the fire is able to get to da choppa! Sorry, wrong movie.