Was this a different movie?!

Rating: 2/10 (3 July 2015)

I have a feeling that this movie was gonna be the minions movie before they decided to make a sequel instead. That's what I'm gonna question first: WHY ARE MINIONS FUNNY?! Slapstick IS funny, but when you won't laugh when you see that as an entire movie! That's why the Home Alone sequels didn't work, so why are the creators of this movie getting a pass? And the minions' comedy is just that: slapstick overload! So, now that that is out of the way, let's talk about something else. GRU IS BLAND AS HELL!!! Whenever I hear him talk, I hear a bored, uninterested Steve Carrel waiting for his paycheck. And he only cares about himself until someone he knows is in trouble. And the girls! My GOD is this a waste of Miranda Cosgrove! She is a good actress and she was even very good in the first Despicable Me, but she just SUCKS here. The smallest one is a boring character, and I don't remember ONE LINE OF DIALOGUE from the middle child. I would go on and on about all the other characters, but I won't. And the plot just plain up SUCKS!!! Again, it feels like a Minions movie that needed a plot to have a sequel to the first film. It feels slow and boring, and I'm convinced that the script writers were high while writing such inane dialogue, comedy, and characters!!! NEVER WATCH THIS MOVIE!!! EVER!!!!!!