Deja Pee-Yew!

Rating: 3/10 (22 November 2006)

the opening credits. and they try and be clever. it doesn't work.
our cast: Agent Doug Carlin is played by Denzel Washington who seems to be sleep-walking thru this movie with the occasional sudden inexplicable deviation of character. Val Kilmer has not aged well as Special FBI Agent Pryzwarra, a thickly-jowled pot-bellied cardboard representation of the one-dimensional G-man. Adam Goldberg tries (and really, really fails...i mean...oh boy) to pull off the super-brain heart-of-gold physics professor "Denny". Paula Patton makes great eye-candy damsel-was-in-distress and flashes us a nipple. the rest of the cast? meh...who cares?
so how is the movie. eh. a 5/10 and that's being generous.
here were the big problems:
* the science was...well...utter crap AND inconsistent. why could they only see in the New Orleans radius and how exactly did the portable rig work outside of this area? why could a laser pointer go thru the main "screen but they needed this big-ass nuclear toaster to send that sheet of paper back? and, oh, the paper was the utter maximum we could send back but we've changed out minds and now we can send Denzel back but he has to be in his undies 'cause his shoes would weigh too much. wha? and if you want to emphasize that sending the laser bean, sheet of paper and Denzil use HUGE amounts of energy, don't use the same "aerial view of the city blacking out" all three bloody times.
* there is NO character development in this film. none. nada. zilch. and Denzil's character has these unprecedented changes of emotion and character "quirks" that makes it nearly impossible to relate to him.
* Denzil creates mayhem and carnage on the streets of New Orleans with a tricked-out Hummer (with enough product-placement stickers on it to make the movie's endorsement agent shudder uncontrollably with logolistic ecstasy) with impunity. he prolly kills several dozen innocent by-standers and doesn't get as much as a reduction of his expense account. and it's BORING! Tony Scott has sucked every atom of "thrill" from the whole sequence. oooh...here comes a semi-truck, head-on. will Denzil die? hell no...AND the Hummer will still be drivable afterward!!!
* in the final climax, where the HECK did the bad guy get the kelvar vest, automatic weapons, and ammo? he didn't have it when he ran back onto the ferry.
* and while we're talking about magic guns, and why would Navy personnel, on their way to Mardi Gras, just happen to be wearing full combat gear and toting M-15s?