This flick makes the case for a permanent total ban . . .

Rating: 8/10 (4 October 2016)

. . . on ANY oil or gas extraction operations in America's coastal waters. The callous incompetent buffoons pictured here in DEEPWATER HORIZON murdered at least 650 dolphin people (which would constitute 3% or 80 million human deaths when extrapolated to Planet Earth's bloated human population). Since DEEPWATER, dolphin miscarriages are up 1,000%! Any poor baby dolphins which survive being born need to painfully struggle for each breath of their shortened lives, thanks to DEEPWATER. Because DEEPWATER decimated 8,332 species altogether, it will take experts hundreds of books to document all this carnage. (This movie glosses over this Holocaust among the Creatures God gave Man stewardship of by depicting a single dead pelican!) DEEPWATER HORIZON admits that the title ship had 390 broken systems the night of the disaster, April 20, 2010 (just after the 98th anniversary of the Titanic sinking)! Yet instead of chewing their fingernails, the crew was too busy partying and handing themselves safety awards! When ship personnel should have been heeding multiple warning alarms sounding among the few systems left working, they dismissed these as "false positives" to help their kids with homework, discuss car repairs, or conduct long-distance "pillow talk," DEEPWATER HORIZON testifies. Though Gulf sharks--considered the cockroaches of the seas--were able to enjoy about a dozen crispy critters, the overall effects of the DEEPWATER HORIZON Apocalypse call for an $100,000 environmental surcharge on the type of monster Toyota pick-up truck driven by Mark Wahlberg's family, for no apparent reason when a Chevy Cruz would meet all their needs. Better yet, follow the federal government cash-for-clunkers program of a few years ago, and give drivers $5,000 vouchers good toward the purchase of a Chevy Malibu during the mandatory cementing of their gas-guzzling SUV, Minivan, Crossover, and Pick-up engines. While we're at it, DEEPWATER HORIZON suggests that Semitruck and Private Jetliner traffic must be given a compulsory time-out until all such engines are replaced with solar, battery, or steam power. Scientists have envisioned an alternate Steam Punk Reality for Humanity during recent years. DEEPWATER HORIZON proves it is High Time to make these Visions our actual Future!