F***ing Nursery School

Rating: Null/10 (10 April 2004)

When there's no more room in hell, Hollywood will remake a classic...completely void of any intelligence and hardly capable of any creativity. This film relies solely on chase scenes and...well...chase scenes. This "re-imagining" of the superior 1978 classic DAWN OF THE DEAD is nothing but cheap in its mindless pursuit of thrills and chills.
The ultimate flaw of this film is that it does not even care to treat the zombie plague as anything more than a device to have characters flee in fear. The film completely ignores the zombie genre tradition and instead goes the route of obviously ripping-off the successful 28 DAYS LATER by making the infected run and scream. That film at least took the zombie genre and completely reinvented it - creating an all new experience. This film makes no such advancements.
I'm sorry for the harsh review. If you do not want analytical criticisms of your picture, then do not take the title of the ultimate zombie film. That picture is after all best known for its strides in atmosphere, character developments, and political/social satire - none of which appear in this remake. In all fairness, hardly any similarities exist between these two pictures. That's a good thing because I actually feel that I would hate this film more if it tried to emulate the original masterpiece (much like 2003's TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake).
If this is a different film, then why work from the original 1978 George Romero screenplay and retain that title? The only reason would be name recognition to make some cash (and of course to wound longtime horror loyalists). Why did they have to tarnish the original's name?
Another serious problem with this film is its total lack of coherency. The whole film was littered with moments of inconsistency. It is almost as if the filmmakers pondered : how can we have this group escape a barricaded shop with their only exit (one door) completely swarmed by zombies? Hmm, I've got it! Let's just use a cutaway and then when we come back to the survivors they are already outside and running. Perfect! Let's just edit their way out of trouble!
How do they gain entrance into the mall when its completely sealed and `shatterproof?' Let's just cutaway to an interior department store window shattering and have the characters just stroll on in. Brilliant! No explanation of how they got in or how zombies aren't entering the same way. Who cares about logic? Let's just show people running and swing the camera around a lot.
Seriously though, the filmmakers did fail at nearly every aspect of this picture but there are two notable exceptions: the pregnancy/birth scene and the armored vans/chainsaw escape.
First, the pregnancy/birth scene. All right, this was very provocative on a number of levels. Not only was it original, but also very compelling from a dramatic/analytical standpoint. It was not done for a mere weird/disturbing scare. The scene was a great moment for the characters involved (it really built Mekhi Phifer's role) but it was also a statement on human nature given the abysmal events of this particular apocalypse. Really moving. Without a doubt - this was the highlight of the script. Furthermore, this will most likely go into zombie movie history along with Lucio Fulci's zombie vs shark moment (1979's ZOMBIE) and Peter Jackson's zombie sex scene (1992's DEAD ALIVE) - which also spawned an offspring. This moment is the film's only contribution to the genre.
Second, the armored vans escape plan (and the subsequent use of chainsaws) was a logical and brilliant move by the screenwriter. An absolute pleasure for those horror fans more suited toward the PHANTASM and EVIL DEAD sequels.
Not a highlight of the film, but definitely a pleasure all its own was the brief appearance of Matt Frewer. I almost expected his last words to be a digital stutter - for those of us who remember his MAX HEADROOM days.
There are also a few cameos (from the cast of the original) scattered throughout the film, but it provides only a second or two of satisfaction for fans. A Tom Savini cameo cannot save a picture (case in point - 2001's CHILDREN OF THE LIVING DEAD) no matter how cool it might be.
Bottom line : the picture is a brainless blockbuster/michael bay venture that will undoubtedly be eaten up by the mindless masses of America. Some may be happy that the zombie genre is back, but its back in the worst way. Grade D-.