"Updated" in more ways than one

Rating: 1/10 (14 August 2005)

George Romero's original "Dawn of the Dead" is a classic, hands down. It is a fine, thoughtful movie. The characters are carefully meshed out and developed over the course of the narrative, beyond that, Romero's dramatic decisions make sense, he only uses four main characters to propel his story. The remake, on the other hand (one can only hope that Romero made some money from this, which would be the only justification), is a stock 00s Hollywood product: utterly soulless and moronic from the first frame to the last. The characters are stereotypes and at times bizarre (armed security guards in a mall?), the action perfunctory and essentially pornographic in its lack of relation to the story itself. The screenwriter decides to toss in some smarmy, obnoxious characters straight out of a bad 1980s teen sex romp. Annoying, smart ass yuppie? Check. Hard ass rent a cop security guards/morons? Check. Useless characters who stand around for ten minutes acting surprised that the zombies that have been attacking them for the last few days are, in fact, attacking once again? Check. Characters are uniformly good shots (none of the tension in the first film from SWAT members vs. the macho but inexperienced helicopter pilot) able to adjust their aim and "shoot 'em in the head". In the first film the characters planned and executed schemes to the best of their abilities, in this one a bunch of idiots run around like headless chickens flailing about wildly from one ill conceived plan to another. Thank you again, Hollywood, for doing your part to spoil a movie for young movie goers who will now make no attempt to see the original, since this remake is so "totally awesome 'cause like a zombie like gets totally stabbed in the head". Its as if serious film goers have committed some grievous collective sin and are all being punished in some massive, communal private hell. At least Ken Foree, Scott Reiniger and Tom Savini made a few bucks appearing in it.