Could have, should have been better

Rating: 4/10 (8 May 2012)

It's intriguing that a film which features - literally - sex, drugs and rock and roll (along with plenty of blood, gore and monsters) can run out of steam in the second half and result in one of the least favorably-rated Tim Burton-Johnny Depp collaborations since "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and the abysmal "Alice In Wonderland."
The whole idea of taking the first Gothic soap opera (which ran from 1966-70), a tale of vampires, horror and longtime family curses, and putting it on the big screen, at first seemed a stretch; but when director Burton decided to travel the comedic route, many fans and less-interested folks alike were even more skeptical.
I, too, had doubts, having actually seen the television show (I was very young, but remember the creepy opening theme music) and thought making this sort of a fish-out-of-water "Brady Bunch Movie" thing was a bit absurd. Then, I saw the preview and - for the first half, was pleasantly surprised.
It begins in Liverpool in 1752, when the Collins family, dad, mom and young son, Barnabas, immigrate to the United States and settle in Maine. There, they establish a fishing business and soon are the richest people in Collinsport. As a young man, Barnabas (Depp) woos a scullery maid, Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green, "Casino Royale," "The Golden Compass"), but refuses to marry (or even acknowledge his love for) her.
Ticked, as ANY woman would be under these circumstances, she uses her substantial witchcraft powers to cause the death of his beloved fiancée, turn him into a vampire and have the townspeople bury him alive. Almost 200 years later, a construction crew inadvertently unearths the coffin and Barnabas now must face life in 1972.
These scenes are easily the movie's best, as he tries to deal with the trappings of modern society; the sights, sounds, technology and mores. He then locates his ancestral home and discovers that it is now inhabited by the remains of his depressing, downtrodden descendants.
These include Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Michelle Pfeifer, "New Year's Eve"), her brother Roger (Johnny Lee Miller, "AEon Flux," the television series "Dexter"), her daughter Carolyn (Chloe Grace Moretz, "Kick-Ass," "Hugo"), Roger's son David (Gulliver McGrath, "Hugo"), a meek governess, Victoria Winters (Bella Heathcote, "In Time"), an alcoholic caretaker, Willie (Jackie Earle Haley, Academy Award-nominated for "Little Children), a senile old maid, Mrs. Johnson (Ray Shirley) and a drunken live-in psychiatrist, Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter, "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street").
Over the past two centuries, the accursed Collins family has not only fallen out of favor with their namesake town, but has fallen into despair and near poverty, as well. Their only assets being a broken-down cannery and a few feeble fishing boats. Meanwhile, Angelique is still alive and controls most of the fishing fleets in the town, and is rich beyond imagination.
Using a hidden treasure trove, Barnabas restores the Collins' wealth and prestige, which sets up the conflict in which Barnabas battles his former trollop for control of his business, his soul and his family legacy. His efforts to fight this imposing demonic figure and to continue to get used to things in the seventies, spark some genuine laughs, as does his initial introduction to the ridiculous household.
Things begin to go South, however, when there are several real (and not very funny) killings; hey, Barnabas IS a vampire, after all, and he NEEDS blood. It's just most of these characters were actually interesting (including a group who just wanted to help him out of a tough situation). The inclusion of these mass murder scenes was not charming or darkly-humored, just disturbing.
Then, there is the introduction of a few supernatural monsters that turn up, muddle the conclusion, present really lame and not-so-special effects and end up not resolving much of anything.
And while Depp remains true to his Willy Wonka/Jack Sparrow/Michael Jackson motif character hybrid he seems to have established in recent efforts, Burton's quirky and slipshod direction has never been more evident - or glaring here.
The only thing I can write about this picture that was consistently terrific was the soundtrack. From "Nights In White Satin" to "Bang a Gong," to "Theme From 'A Summer Place,'" to "My First, My Last (My Everything)" to "Crocodile Rock" to "Top Of the World" to "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (as sung by Alice Cooper in an amusing cameo), these tunes - while not ALL from 1972 - still had me humming along and enjoying the show.
I just wish the rest of the film would have had the same effect on me.