Hell hath no fury like a witchy woman scorned...

Rating: 7/10 (9 May 2012)

I'd never seen the original daytime Gothic soap that provides the source material for this film. So while those who *had* seen it were up in arms about how the trailers for this film didn't reflect the tone of the original TV series, I had no preconceived notions of how this movie "should" be. It looked intriguing enough, plus it had some very talented actors involved. I knew the basic premise of the film: Witch loves/is obsessed with man, man loves another, witch kills man's lover and curses man to be a vampire, buries him alive to suffer, 200+ years later vamp man is unearthed and finds himself in completely new era, then returns to his mansion which is now occupied by his dysfunctional distant relatives - this being the plot broken down to its most basic form.
Johnny Depp fashions another unique character portrayal for himself (if perhaps not as memorable/eccentric as his many previous ones). He plays Barnabas Collins mostly straight, allowing the character's fish out of water situation to provide the humour. He manages to make his character both human and monstrous at the same time (though it can be argued...how 'bad' is killing a bunch of hippies, *really*? At least he apologises beforehand). He also likes stroking furniture/stuff with his elongated fingers a lot. Depp's expressions/line deliveries are what elevate the character. He does the best with the material he's given. Playing opposite him as the scorned witchy lover from his past, Angelique, is the stunning Eva Green. She appears to be having a ball portraying 'Angie' (as she comes to be called later on when she's changed from a dark-haired servant girl to a successful business woman/CEO of Angel Bay and sporting new platinum blonde hair). Former Bond girl Green (who's had previous experience playing witches in The Golden Compass and Camelot) isn't afraid to go BIG with the role. She absolutely goes for it, and almost seems like she's in a film of her own, chewing scenery (with her wonderful red lips, which provide brilliant/scary grins on occasion) and not merely spitting, but rather projectile vomiting it out. The sex fight sequence between Angie and Barnabas - which takes place on the floor, the ceiling and every wall of a room, demolishing it completely - is pretty great (the post- coital cigarette/reveal of the destruction left in their wake got the biggest laugh at my theatre). Angelique - who wears the hell out of a sparkling red dress at one point - could have come across as very one dimensional, but in Eva Green's hands, by the end, she proves a tragic figure who *does* have a heart (despite all evidence to the contrary) and will literally rip it from her chest (still-beating) to give to the man she loves.
Reuniting with Burton, after her legendary performance as Catwoman in Batman Returns, is Michelle Pfeiffer as the matriarch of the Collins family, Elizabeth. Pfeiffer is very good in her role, as is Burton's partner and frequent collaborator, Helena Bonham Carter (playing psychiatrist Dr. Julia Hoffman, and looking a bit like how the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland might have looked if she'd had a regular-sized head). Making a good first impression are Aussie actors Gulliver McGrath as David (the son of Elizabeth's brother, Roger - Johnny Lee Miller) and Bella Heathcote as Victoria Winters/Maggie Evans (who decides to take a job at the Collins Mansion as a governess, thanks to the ghost of Barnabas's original one true love, Josette - also played by Heathcote - who became Victoria's friend as a child that only she could see and consequently got her sent to a mental hospital). Heathcote is especially good, and should have a bright future ahead.
The movie's use of music (starting with The Moody Blues' 'Nights in White Satin') is one of the best things about the film. It fits perfectly throughout. The costuming is also really good. Danny Elfman's score is effective, as usual. On the downside is the underdevelopment of certain characters. Roger turns out to be just another lousy father to David, who's more interested in wealth than his son (as proved when threatened with an ultimatum by Barnabas). Jackie Earle Haley feels a bit wasted as Willie, who becomes a sort of 'Renfield' character to Barnabas - thanks to the vampire's magic hypnotising hand trick. Lastly, I don't get the obsession with Chloë Grace Moretz (who plays Elizabeth's daughter, Carolyn) that lots of people seem to have. Here she plays your typical angst-filled bitchy teen. It's ironic Carolyn asks Barnabas if he's stoned, when Moretz apparently thought the way to go with her character was to appear perpetually stoned herself, with no other facial expression but a permanent bitch-face. A WTF reveal about her character that comes out of nowhere near the end fails to make her any more interesting. If, however, you're interested in seeing a hairy Chloë Grace Moretz, then this film is most definitely for you.
The film looks great. It has the mood/atmosphere we've come to expect from Burton, mixing humour with gloom, and some surprising bits of violence. Hating on director Tim Burton and his regular collaborator Johnny Depp seems to be the 'in' thing nowadays for some people, but while this definitely isn't his best film, it's not as bad as others would have you believe either. Mostly, it just feels like a large mix of different things that don't always quite add up in the end. Of course there'll be those who choose to focus on the film's flaws, but I'm sure there'll also be others - like myself - who might find themselves enjoying the film for what it is.