Depp is ideally cast as vampire Barnabas Collins...but overblown horror-comic is bereft of real blood

Rating: 4/10 (2 September 2013)

Director Tim Burton and actor/co-producer Johnny Depp might have been the perfect twisted-twosome to expand Dan Curtis' Gothic television series "Dark Shadows" (1966-1971) into a theatrical feature. Unfortunately, what we get here is barely recognizable from the cult TV show, what with a bloated budget, a wandering narrative, and a misjudged pop/rock soundtrack. In 1972, the family-based corporation for an East Coast seafood company find themselves struggling financially; unbeknownst to them, their chief competitor is a witch who has held a grudge against the Collins's for nearly two centuries. The son of the company's founders, who spurned the romantic-minded lass in the 1870s, was turned into a vampire and buried, is ultimately released and unites with his relatives in turning the family's misfortunes around. Although Depp is the perfect choice for Barnabas Collins, the other characters and most of the action surrounding him fall flat. As the latest Collins matriarch, Michelle Pfeiffer makes some funny faces, but otherwise has nothing to do except address visitors from the staircase; Helena Bonham Carter, as a scheming psychiatrist, does what she can with a one-note role, while Jackie Earle Haley looks lost as the estate's simpleton groundskeeper (he's supposed to be under a spell, but I sensed the actor was floundering with poor material). All the dreary talk and plot-exposition leads to the proverbial special effects-induced showdown, complete with bodies flying upwards and backwards. It's too bad Burton chose to make this a slambang 'crowd-pleaser'; it doesn't have enough juice in it to please horror buffs, nor are the intermittent jokes enough to snare Depp's "Pirates" fans. ** from ****