Very disappointing

Rating: 4/10 (24 May 2012)

The film "Dark Shadows" is a date with destiny that its director Tim Burton does not show up for. This could have been a very good scary movie - easily one of the best of its era. Unfortunately Burton ruins this by constantly throwing in dumb jokes that are never funny. It seems like such a waste. The budget was obviously huge, the kind most fright-film makers could only dream of. A talented cast is assembled. The lighting, cinematography, special effects, sets and costumes are good as any chiller I've ever seen, and far beyond most. Even with all the lame jokes the basic plot line manages to chill - probably the main reason none of the dumb humor works. Bela Lugosi would have traded most of his career for one movie with a budget as big as what 60 seconds of this cost. Yet it doesn't work. The fault lies with Burton, who, it seems, lacks the courage to make the genuine attempt to scare you that this tale deserved. It's like he was afraid of being ridiculed in case a true attempt at a fright flick failed, so he hedges his bets by ladling on camp before the horse even comes out of the gate. Like he has to let you know he's so far above the material he's winking at it - or so he believes. The story's a lot better than what he does with it. The supporting actors are good, especially Michelle Pfeiffer. But Johnny Depp's portrayal of Barnabas Collins is not one of his best. Like Burton, he ladles on the camp, and it fails. Also the accent he attempts often seems unwieldy, and how white is his skin? Well, that arctic white shade you painted your kitchen wall to match the refrigerator? It's whiter. The scenes of Barnabas having sex do not work on any level. Some things are better left to the imagination. Truly a disappointment.