Disappointing, not entertaining at all

Rating: 1/10 (25 November 2012)

Vampire Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) awakens from his 200-year sleep and discovers his family is not right and resolves to make the family prosperous again. Not all know he is a vampire.
I had no prior knowledge of the Dark Shadows TV show. I didn't know what to expect. All I knew was that Johnny Depp is a good actor and I took a chance hoping that it wasn't scary because, as you know, I need to sleep at night.
What it wasn't: Not scary, not funny, and not entertaining. And after all that I had to ask myself: why was this made in the first place? Nothing made sense. A story should have a beginning, a middle and an ending. This had a middle and stayed there as we had nothing to look forward to because the middle never moved anywhere. And, there was no caring for any of the characters because we didn't really get a chance to get to know them. See?
I stayed with it for one reason. I did like Johnny Depp's performance with that cadence. If the script was any better this might have had a chance at being entertaining. Didn't happen.
One bright spot was a Karen Carpenter song that they let play almost all the way through. Very good, but that was the only bright spot. Alice Cooper was brought in and, of course, looked every bit Goth as I guess that was a theme someone forgot to capitalize on.
I was looking for something as good as The ADDAMS FAMILY, and maybe even THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. Didn't happen. (1/10)
Violence: Yes. Sex: Not really. They tried but with clothes on. How is that possible you ask. Trust me, it isn't. Nudity: No. Language: Limited soft stuff and not much of it.