Insults about half of the original fans

Rating: 4/10 (11 May 2012)

With the admonition, "I never liked the bitch anyway," the Willie character in the new DS dispatched my favorite Dark Shadows character, pretty much summing up Depp and Burton's apparent opinion of her. For me, Dark Shadows was about Julia and Barnabas. Their chemistry created the dynamic that made the show work for me. I'm not only a first- generation DS fan, I'm the co-author of the Dark Shadows Companion.
Johnny Depp, supposedly a first-generation fan, even though he's two years younger than I am and I'm supposedly very young for a first generation fan, apparently thinks Barnabas Collins is part moral icon, part victim of his crotch. I wonder if Depp was watching the same series I was. As much as I loved the original Barnabas, I see no trace of the character in his interpretation. Frankly, the minute he murdered Julia, the whole movie collapsed for me -- the implied oral sex scene was bad enough, but the killing finished it. In the House of Dark Shadows big-screen remake this was accepted by fans because the series was still on-going. Depp does not have that salvation.
I really don't care that she's alive for the sequel. I doubt there will be a sequel. If there is, it's still not the characters I grew up with.
However, we're supposed to be reviewing what the film is, not what it's not. What it is, is an overstuffed suitcase that somebody sat on in order to zip it shut. It spills out all over everywhere. The cohesiveness is forced. The characters are largely unrecognizable. As I watched the film, I was at first taken by the wonderful graphics, but Collinwood seemed to morph into Disneyland's Haunted Mansion.
There are some good performances, it's occasionally slightly funny, it's graphically intense and interesting, but Depp and Burton seem to have nothing but contempt for the original series. I'm sorry, but flawed and bad as it could be, Dark Shadows was still far more compelling on its tiny budget than this movie was with its huge one.
What a shame -- and a waste. I really wanted to like it.