What did I just watch?

Rating: 3/10 (1 September 2015)

A movie that lacked so much direction that the original plot doesn't enter into until the last 2 minutes of the film. Tim Burton apparently had ideas for about seven other movies that wouldn't work on their own. He crams all of those ideas into this one movie, where they don't work anyway. In this film, once there is a plot point of any kind, it is either not discussed for 1/3rd of the movie, or it is immediately resolved that very scene, then we move on to yet another one. This movie has absolutely no focus what-so-ever. It doesn't know if it wants to be a comedy, horror, drama, or romance, so it decides to be one of those every other scene and it is just exhausting.
The Bella Heathcote is in the film for a total of five scenes of the movie, and she is in the first few scenes of the movie as the main focal point. Johnny Depp is the focal point for the majority of the film, and decides that he loves her for no other reason than meeting her once, and walking with her on the beach once. This movie has no build up on any front, and decides to hit it out of the park without even battering up.
Dark Shadows has no audience. It's one thing to reach a demographic, but be good enough for others, but it's another thing to reach absolutely no audience at all because of how vague the plot is, and how childish/adult oriented the movie turns out to be.
There are some genuinely funny moments, and the movie has shown promise more than once through out, but these moments of glee are interrupted by large portions of sporadic jumps across the screen. There are times when we truly feel for Johnny Depp's character, and his overacting is actually humanizing to a degree of someone who was a fish out of water or a man out of his own time. Yet he still murders innocent people and handles his problems so blatantly bad that the sympathy for him is limited down to nearly nothing.
It's a mystery of how Tim Burton wanted to play this film out in the first place. He obviously had some good ideas, but every single idea that is brought to the screen is soon wiped off in order for another to take its place. Then there comes the third act, where we are treated to the most uncalled-for horror-fest money can buy. Remember when I said there was no build up to this movie? The third act was the prime example. All of the sudden we are shown things that had absolutely no build up to it anywhere throughout the film. They are just brought to the screen and we are supposed to accept them, and after being beaten with so many random plot points, you feel like you've ran a marathon, and the movie ends with very little to recollect.
This film is not worth the time nor the effort to attempt to watch. It paints an obvious picture of how hard times have fell on a formerly great director, and why it may be time for him to hang up his director's chair for good. Do not give this film the time of day unless you are just such a die-hard Johnny Depp fan that you want to see everything of his in the first place. Either way, you have been warned.