The Vidiot Reviews...

Rating: 3/10 (3 October 2012)

Dark Shadows
The best thing about sharing a bathroom with a vampire is they don't hog the mirror.
But as the family in this horror-comedy is about to find out, cohabiting with a vampire sucks.
Decades after being bound and buried, Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) is unleashed on the world of 1972.
Returning to his family estate, Barnabas finds it occupied by his dysfunctional descendants (Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloë Grace Moretz, Gulliver McGrath), their psychiatrist (Helena Bonham Carter), porter (Jackie Earle Haley) and new nanny (Bella Heathcote), whom Barnabas swears is his lover reincarnated.
But the family reunion is short-lived as the witch (Eva Green) who cursed the Collins family returns for revenge.
An insulting adaptation of the Gothic soap opera, Dark Shadows is not only damned with an underdeveloped script, but unlikable characters and a lack of focus.
Incidentally, unlike most houseguests, vampires don't mind sleeping in the attic. (Red Light)
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