Crap crap crap

Rating: 1/10 (14 May 2012)

Movie Review: "Dark Shadows" (* out of 5) – Crap crap crap crap crap crap! CRAP CRAP!!! Crap, crap crap crap. Double crap! Crap crap crap crap crap crap! And more CRAP!!!
OMG, what a horrendous motion picture!!!! This film had the makings to be something incredible, but instead of playing this film to be scary or serious; Tim Burton tried to do it as "camp". However, the jokes fail miserably, the story line sad, and the dialog pathetic.
Based on the 60's vampire soap opera, Dark Shadows re-teams Johnny Depp and Tim Burton; however, this latest collaboration is a poor excuse for entertainment. Depp stars as Barnabas Collins, the Collinswood patriarch. Doomed to live his life as an immortal vampire by his spurned lover and witch, Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green).
Barnabas is accidentally released from his tomb in 1972, when excavation in Collins Port unearths his coffin. He returns to his beloved home of Collinwood after nearly 200-year absence to find it in shambles, and the Collins family name and fortune in disarray. Barnabas vows to right this wrong, and reinstate the Collins family name back to its glory of yore.
The saddest part of this film is that it had all the elements to be a good film. The unearthing sequence of Barnabas was probably the best of the film Barnabas was fiendish, evil, and wicked; the sequence was terrifyingly delicious. This is how the whole film should have been. I am not sure what Tim Burton's vision for this film was supposed to be, but what he ended up with was CRAP!!!!!! CRAP!!!! CRAP!!!
Avoid this film at all cost!!! Being an avid fan of the original series, it pained me to have to sit through this rubbish. I am highly disappointed.