Will Suck the Life Out of You

Rating: 3/10 (11 May 2012)

I guess I will start out by saying that I am a huge Johnny Depp fan and that I even like some of Tim Burton's works (Beetlejuice and The Nightmare Before Christmas). However, that being said, I did not like this film all that much. If you are looking for some comedy in this film, then go and watch the trailer, because most of the funny parts are in it. I understand that this film was supposed to be a spoof of the soap opera that appeared in the 1970's, but it really fell short of my expectations. I remember being in elementary school and rushing home to see what was happening on Dark Shadows. In this film, not only did I not want to see what happens next, I really didn't care. Johnny Depp (Barnabas Collins) once again embraced his character and does a really fine job of making the character believable, but the content just wasn't there. I don't think that this film ever decided what it wanted to be when it grew up. There were elements of comedy, horror, drama and even a little romance. There was some jostling around in this film between Barnabas and Angelique (Eva Green), but you could almost sense the wires that the actors were tied to. And is it just me or does Bella Heathcote (Victoria Winters/Josette DuPres) look a little like Anne Hathaway? Victoria and David Collins (Gulliver McGrath) gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "I see dead people". I guess my favorite character in the film was Willie (Jackie Earle Haley) who was Barnabas' sidekick. He was fun to watch even though he did not have many lines (thank goodness). This film may end up sucking the life out of your expectations. By the time you get to the end of the film, things get downright silly and stupid. The last ten minutes of the film I kept thinking to myself .. oh brother. Also at the end of the film there was almost a hint of a sequel; man I sure hope not. Not all of the Depp/Burton collaborations have been successful and this is one of them. If you just want to see Johnny Depp on the big screen, then by old means go. However I think that this film should be locked in a box (redbox). As sure as my blood is red, so is the light for this film.