Biggest disappointment of the year

Rating: 2/10 (16 August 2012)

I had such high hopes for this movie.
The clashing of black-clad Victorian prudishness with garish swinging 70s has amazing comic potential, especially with the irony that the prude kills people. Imagine a bicycle outing along the beach, with Barnabas on a velocipede. Imagine the family surprising him by fixing up his coffin with a water-bed and fiber optic lamp. It could have been so good.
So what the hell happened? Lots of people have pointed out that the movie was a mishmash-- didn't know whether it was satire, slapstick, drama or what. True, but the bigger problem is the dull, dull pacing -- the actors just trudge from one plot point to the next, passing up every opportunity for originality along the way.
None of the characters have any back story, they look like Burton picked them out of a catalog. That's especially noticeable in the villain, whose motivations are completely one- track and ridiculous. You can't have a character on screen for 20 minutes without developing her somehow. Snidely Whiplash is a more believable villain. In fact, not one of the characters was remotely likable.
I like Tim Burton and even defended Planet of the Apes (garbled ending and all), but he should have turned this concept over to Wes Anderson.