Without a shadow of a doubt, this movie is a big pile of vampire bat guano

Rating: 5/10 (13 June 2013)

I have sort of lost interest in Tim Burton's movie's as of late, as it's seems to follow the same patterns. It's a creepy adaptation that starts the same two actors. The problem with Tim Burton's adaptations is that he tries to force so much of his schtick onto something that's already proved capable of functioning without it. I love his earlier stuff, but this was the death nail to the coffin needed for Tim Burton to change his act such it's getting old. I think it's time to reassess how the director should make movies. First off, the Original 1966's Dark Shadows TV Show Series didn't have the biggest fan base in the world. It have its share of fans, but in no way does it have the same numbers of fans as other supernatural shows at the time, such as Dr. Who or Twilight Zone. Second off, this movie is so unlike the Original Dark Shadows, that fans of the original will probably not like it. The Dark Shadows TV show was a Soap Opera that had very few supernatural elements. For the most parts, the show dealt with normal soap plots. The show is pretty awful in my opinion. The only good thing from that show was actor Johnathan Frid as Barnabas Collins. He pretty much help save the show. His character wasn't supposed to be the hero, as he was pretty much the villainous character just like Angelique who cheats, lies, kidnaps, and torment people. It's not until later episode, does he become more human. In this modern version, Barnabas Collin is the brooding protagonist play by Johnny Depp who must protect his dysfunctional descendants from the evil curses of the witch known as Angelique (Eva Green) who killed his lover and turn him into a vampire. In no way, does Johnny Depp act like the callous, canny, somewhat unlikable man Jonathan Frid's version, but more like a goofball, charming, and pretty likable character who can't lie worth a dime. In the Jonathan Frid's version, he would probably kill Angelique if he ever finds a way. In this version, Johnny Depp spent most of the movie trying to get his family name back into business, wasting screen time with multiply sub-plots that go nowhere like turning himself back into human, or starting a canning company. There is no character development in him. It wasn't until toward the end, he get back to the main plot, with him finally fighting Angelique. There are scenes with other characters that isn't explain, misused or not well flesh out like David (Gulliver McGrath) seeing ghosts and never treated by the doctor or take care of the babysitter that supposes to be watching him. Another is how Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter) a psychiatrist is able also to be a Hematologist as well. Yet again, Roger (Johnny Lee Miller) exile from the family has nothing to do with the plot. Last, Carolyn (Chloë Grace Moretz) twist was totally out-of-nowhere. How did nobody notice that when she was a baby. I would think baby would be care 24/7 so somebody would have notice. The movie does an horrible job of exposition, by having everything too rushed in the end. I didn't feel that much strong in building the love relationship between Victoria (Bella Heathcote) and the main character when Victoria was missing out in most of the film and the love interest seem forced in the end. The problem with Burton's film is it couldn't stick with a tone of the film. You either go full-on camp, or you go full-on comedy. The movie is supposed to be funny, then they threw seriously WTF dramatic moment into it, such in the case, like a girl getting electroshock therapy that more shocking than funny and women dying. It takes them out of the film. Dark Shadows also has too good of acting. If it had been like a parody, playing up the shot-live aspect or the terrible acting, then it could have worked. Remember this was written by Seth Grahame-Smith who wrote the screenplay for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and we all know how that film went. It felt like a fanboy film that try to stuff years and years of show materials into a 2 hour film. I do like some things. I loved the set designs. Interior of that manor was beautiful. The music choice was great. Danny Elfman is once again, great. The acting is great, even if wasted. I should mention Michelle Pfeiffer as the mother as she had the glue to the film. The production and make up is brilliant. Overall: this movie is worst than the 1970's House of Dark Shadows and the 1991's Dark Shadows TV Show. I would say, watch those first, before trying to watch this mess of a film. In the end, this movie is like the Twilight films. It's a big pile of vampire bat guano