An odyssey of inanity

Rating: 2/10 (31 October 2015)

Tim Burton must be the world's most unpredictable director. In the last ten years he's made what I consider to be his best movie - the exemplary SWEENEY TODD musical - as well as directing two stinkers which are the nadir of his career, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY and ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Unfortunately, DARK SHADOWS continues the latter trend, as this is his worst ever film, an odyssey of inanity from beginning to end.
Burton has always been a style-over-substance director and that's taken to the extreme here. DARK SHADOWS is ostensibly based on a classic '60s-era vampire TV soap opera, but what Burton has done is to take the basic premise and instead make his own version of THE ADDAMS FAMILY. You know, a family of kooks and weirdos, right up his street apparently. I sat watching this film and wondered just what exactly I was supposed to be thinking or feeling. The plot is tedious and long-winded and seems to go on forever. The film is a visual treat but there's no story, just a random connection of set-pieces. Some scenes, like the violent sex scene, are embarrassingly stupid. Was this supposed to be a comedy? There are some quirky moments, yes, but I have to say I didn't laugh once.
Johnny Depp delivers YET another of his kooky character performances and surely audiences must be bored of these by now. His vampiric lead is a complete bore, a collection of tics and weird behaviour that leads a vacuous hollow in the centre of the movie. Helena Bonham Carter is shoehorned into a storyline she doesn't belong in, just because she was Burton's wife, and Michelle Pfeiffer looks bored - who can blame her? Her role in STARDUST was a lot more fun. Poor Eva Green is the best actress in this thing, and her undeniable talents are wasted throughout. She deserves a lot better. The most embarrassing performance comes from the awful Chloe Grace Moretz - what were they thinking? - although I admit that the Alice Cooper and Christopher Lee cameos were nicely done. Overall, though, DARK SHADOWS is a hulking mess of a movie and one of the worst yet. Can Burton retire now, please?