Not terrible... not all that great either

Rating: 4/10 (18 May 2012)

Just got back from seeing this film and was highly disappointed. As an avid fan of Burton, Depp and Bonham Carter, I had high expectations for this film. Despite the unfavourable reviews, I refused to believe that Dark Shadows would be a bad film... while I wasn't entirely wrong, I wasn't completely right.
I haven't seen any of the original series, so I don't know how faithful it is (although the general consensus is that it's a rough re-imagining rather than a new adaptation), but I was unimpressed with what I saw.
The movie had a weak opening, crammed with confusing history and topped with a dull, unimaginative opening title sequence. I kept expecting and hoping it to pick up pace and for the quality to improve, but sadly, it just didn't. The bulk of the film is a boring look at a dysfunctional family with a Gothic twist, and the whole fish-out-of-water premise quickly runs thin. The family in question is full of quirky, Burton- esque characters, but none are particularly engaging enough to make you care about what happens to them. The film's third act is a considerable step-up in the excitement levels, yet some unnecessary plot twists leave a foul taste, failing to save the film from ending up a muddled mess. There are a few genuinely creepy moments, and there's no doubt that several scenes will garner a laugh or two, but there's nothing wholly original or inspired on show here. The movie doesn't quite know what to do with itself; it's not quite a comedy, not quite a horror, not quite enough to be a horror-comedy. A lot of the story lines could and should have been left out, while most of the cast have little to do; there are far too many characters that are there purely for show. On top of this, a lot of the movie is just so weird and confusing that it is difficult to see why Burton made the choices he did - for people who are unfamiliar with the original series (probably most of modern audiences) a lot of the film would seem pointless and out of place.
Johnny Depp has his moments as the dark hero (in fact, hero seems the wrong word; his character spends a vast majority of the movie slaughtering innocents. Yes, he is a vampire, and it's in his nature, but true vampires are not screen heroes, despite what modern society has spoon-fed us), but his performance is nothing we haven't seen from him before. There are some silver lining performances from the always- excellent Chloe Moretz, Jackie Earle Haley and HBC, but the majority of the cast (namely Michelle Pfeiffer, Johnny Lee Miller and co) seem to be on autopilot. Eva Green is beautiful and serviceable as the film's villain, while Bella Heathcote is awful and grossly miscast in her large role. There are also some awesome cameos from Alice Cooper and Christopher Lee. Aside from the huge amount of focus on Depp's Barnabus Collins and Green's Angelique Bouchard, the characterisation isn't great (although the pair share decent on-screen chemistry).
The direction is off-kilter, and I expected a lot more from Burton - it doesn't seem as if Tim Burton is directing as much as it seemed like it was another director trying to be Tim Burton. Danny Elfman's score is good, but takes a back seat to the great 70s soundtrack. A huge redeeming quality of the picture is that it looks gorgeous, thanks to great set production, costume design and cinematography. Lastly, the film's marketing campaign does it no favours - advertised as a family movie, the finished picture is surprisingly adult, crammed with a lot of innuendos, shocking jokes about teenage masturbation, a rampant love scene between Depp and Green, a lot of implied fellatio and surprisingly graphic violence. This is not one for the little ones.
All in all, I give the film 4/10. Dark Shadows is a perfectly serviceable flick, but gets weighed down by a lengthy running time, not enough action, horror or comedy to be classed as any genre, and an overall sense of mediocrity. It has its moments, but I'd expect a lot more from everybody involved. Watching this movie begs the question: "what the hell was Burton thinking?". It's not bad by any means, but by realistic standards, it is nothing more than a geek-out from Burton and Depp that leaves little to be enjoyed by the general movie-going audience. A damn shame.