Just about the most ham-fisted, beat-you-over-the-head-with-unsubtlety movie in history

Rating: 2/10 (26 February 2009)

I saw Crash the other day. It features Matt Dillon as a corrupt cop who finger f**ks a black woman who he's frisking during an illegal search. Later, he heroically saves the same woman from a fiery death in an overturned automobile. Brilliant. Then there's a touching scene in which Ludicrous, a depraved thug, steals a van only to find out after having driven some distance that there are a dozen Cambodian refugees being smuggled in the back. While barreling down a dingy road in a bad part of town, the previously Machiavellian gangster has a sudden moral epiphany, and realizes what he must do in the name of truth. He cinematically furrows his brows and exhales with a sense of firmness and resolution, stopping the van on a scary LA sidestreet spattered with blood stains and graffiti. He opens the rear van doors to let out the frightened refugees, and with the gusto of a young boy releasing a box of caged pigeons, he gestures excitedly towards the streets as if to say, "Go, my friends! You are free now, and the world is at your command!" The huddled mass of refugees and their shivering children cautiously but thankfully exit the van, inhaling the sweet nectar of their newfound freedom, where they are free to roam the dark streets of a large metropolitan city where they have no money, can't speak the language, and have no place to live. Of course, you as the audience member, aren't supposed to think about that. Instead, you are treated to a heartwarming closeup of Ludicrous smiling and nodding his head knowingly. Implicit in this ham-fisted and nonsensical tale is that this hardened criminal now walks the path of righteousness in a city where corruption has otherwise strangled all semblance of humanity.
I was stunned by this ridiculous display, and quickly scanned the audience to determine whether everyone else in the theater was as baffled by this scene as I was. Instead I found many theater patrons fighting back tears. Jesus Christ.