Crass, soulless, and offensive to anything considered human

Rating: 1/10 (6 July 2012)

Crash is a film about racism and race relations across the span of 2 days in Los Angeles. It stars Sandra Bullock, Brendan Fraser, Don Cheadle, Sasuke, Pinkie, Brain, John, Ringo, Twilight Sparkle...get the idea. It stars a lot of people who for lack of a better explanation; do nothing but shout racial slurs and accusations centered around racial profiling.
It starts with a car crash involving detective Don Cheadle and his partner a Mexican lady whose name escapes me, and an Asian lady whose name I don't believe was given. The two exit the car with Cheadle going to check out a recent crime scene that just so HAPPENED to be nearby, while his partner decides to berate the ladies poor English by saying "brake light" with the ls and rs switched. Because....well this pretty much happens throughout the movie you might as well TRY getting used to it.
Cut back to yesterday and were introduced to a Persian shop owner, Farhad, and his daughter trying to buy a gun. Farhad gets mad at the man for some plot contrived reason which he responds with 9/11 and terrorist slur. This pawn owner is one of the many MANY characters you will only remember as being as racist as a human possibly can.
Later that night we see Ludicrous and Larenz Tate walking out of a coffee shop, Luda being unsatisfied with his service claiming racism. (BTW Ludicrous does this CONSTANTLY during the film) They see D.A Brendan Fraser and pampered wife Sandra Bullock turn away to their car. Ludicrous accuses Sandra of turning away in blind fear thinking she would be carjacked. I thought "Huh, your kinda right. I think she did."....up until the two carjack the Fraser and Bullock. So he brought up a racist query and then in a massive act of hypocrisy DID THE EXACT SAME THING HE ACCUSED BULLOCK OF BEING AFRAID OF!!!. Now i'm a person who thinks just because someone is a hypocrite doesn't make them wrong in what they're saying but their message is muddled incredibly when they ARE being a hypocrite.
Back at the DAs house, locksmith Michael Pena is changing the lock to the house and Sandra complains about having "one of their gang members" is changing the locks because......she's racist....very racist. 12 minutes into the film and we are still introducing characters, we see Officers Matt Dillon and Ryan Phillippe going on their patrol hearing about the carjacking; seeing a similar black Navigator and with Matt Dillon again being a racist they pull over Terrence Howard and Thandie Newton. There under the pretense of a pat-down Dillon molests Thandie Newton....why?! WHY?! I wish i could answer that.
Crash is a film that I completely and utterly despise. The whole movie is nothing more than racial slurs for no reason whatsoever. It has no redeemable characters and is full of an unbelievable amount of pretentious god-awful writing. It believes its saying something powerful but it just comes off as pretentious. Along with irredeemable characters, the film also has useless and just plain strange plot elements. There's an investigation involving Don Cheadle and his partner that seems unnecessary to the rest of the movie.
There are 2 plot points that are both stupid and make no sense the most. At one moment Ludicrous accidentally runs over an Asian man standing next to his van. After "a change of conscience" he decides to take the van finding a good 20 chained, dirty, and most likely homeless Asian people in the back. Why were there a bunch of Asian people in the back of the van? Why didn't the Asian people not notice nothing was happening? The van was sitting in that same spot for a good day in a half. Ludicrous releases them in the middle of Chinatown. This is shown as a act of good will and possible redemption, but if you release a bunch of chained homeless people into the streets: you are getting arrested. No questions. Then there is a plot line of Farhad getting upset at Michael Pena because.....the plot called for it, which ultimately results in him pointing a gun at his face. Pena's 5 year old daughter; after her father tells her a story of his "invisible impenetrable cloak" that i guess is called "foreshadowing", leaps into his arms just as the gun goes off...but everyone is unharmed. It turns out that the gun just so HAPPENED to have blank bullets. And I guess it just so HAPPENED that Farhad had a change of heart after that. So an entirely irredeemable person is "redeemed" through a so called act of God or coincidence. But this character isn't redeemed because it's an act of plot contrivance. Seriously, what the hell kind of writing is this?
How can a movie like Crash get made. Or hell, even green lit?!How can a movie like Crash get such critical backing? How could a movie like Crash be Best Picture, when literally EVERY OTHER CHOICE IS BETTER?!?! Its a horribly written, horribly contrived, horribly pretentious piece of cinematic trash; that I wish never to experience again.