Just plain awful!

Rating: 3/10 (23 December 2006)

Does any of this sound familiar: Small-town girl goes to big city to pursue her dreams. Small-town girl faces obstacles in the big bad city. Girl meets some tough-talking friends and does some ethically questionable things in pursuit of her dreams. Girl meets perfect guy who sweeps her off her feet and believes in her. Girl makes all her dreams come true.
If you've heard it all before, you're not alone. "Coyote Ugly" breaks no new ground, takes no risks, and doesn't even have any decent acting to redeem the movie. It's almost painful to watch Piper Perabo trying to decide whether her character is tough-and-sexy or sweet-and-innocent. She gets neither quite right, and in truth should've just gone for "porn star" because that's how she comes across.
The script is laughably awful, containing lines that surely made movie audiences across the nation groan aloud and roll their eyes. The plot - such as it is - is utterly unrealistic and offers us nothing in the way of insight, profound thinking, or even lighthearted laughs. Some men (mostly teenaged boys) may like this because it features good-looking women dancing on a bar... but even those scenes are fairly tame compared to most of what you'd find in your average PG-rated flick these days. The movie sets back the cause of empowerment of women by at least five decades. Oh, and the soundtrack blows. In fact, there are almost no redeeming qualities here whatsoever.
So why the three stars? I'll give one star alone to Maria Bello for her performance as the bar owner who turns out to have a heart under her tough-as-nails exterior. And I'll give another star to the dance sequences, which, while tame, were at least fun and mildly energetic. The final one is for John Goodman, who has one of his worst roles here, but is a cut above anything else in this mess.
Two hours of my life I wish I could have back.