Flashdance 2000

Rating: Null/10 (21 July 2001)

Since Jerry Bruckenheimer also helped produced Flashdance, I suppose it's okay to rip off yourself - but it's not exactly like ripping off Hitchcock.
This is an excellent 30-minute movie - unfortunately, the actual running time is much longer. However, if you've seen more than 10 movies, you can tell exactly when to fast forward and the movie is like a pleasant music video with one cliche after another.
And in some aspects, it's so ludicrous that you do have to stop and watch it unfold - in a bar where the bartenders: dance on the bar; perform pole dances; girl-on-girl dances; hose either other off and; practically strip  Piper's character is apparently so captivating that she is able to stop a Navy tailhook-like gang-molestation and a full scale bar riot by singing along to a jukebox.
Maybe it's the water-downed drinks at Coyote Ugly but for us, the viewer, her "captivation" eludes us. We're just left to ponder all the scenes they threw out so they could have this grand turning point.
On the bright side - I'm glad Piper got the gap between her front teeth fixed - her acting is less distracting. She's pleasant enough and so is everyone else but this is a story we can all come up after being yanked out of our beds in the middle of the night.
Quick - her dad is a blue collar worker who hears his daughter wants to move to New York to become a songwriter - how does he react?
Quick - what happens when she tried to submit her songs to record companies & publishers?
Quick - what role will she fill in a bar where the bartenders are just adjectives: hostile biker chick, slut, black girl and acting-tough boss?
Humm, I wonder. Well, that's about as much thought as Jerry Bruckenheimer put into the plot of this movie. In theory, this movie was directed by somebody but it not very apparent.
Oh, and Michael Bay shows up as a photographer and proves he's as good an actor as he is a director. But I guess he gets his SAG card and he can certain use the $600 dollars (or whatever the minmum is now) to offset his 2 years on Pearl the Harbor.
See it on cable after you TIVO or tape it - do not spend more than 30 minutes of your life on your movie.