Coyote Ugly

Rating: 1/10 (24 March 2017)

David McNally directed the sexually charged Coyote Ugly at the turn of the millennium. His film starred Piper Perabo and Adam Garcia in the familiar tale of a girl leaving her small town to try to make it in the big city. If you're thinking "I've seen this storyline before, do I need to see Coyote Ugly" the answer is no. The film is just as boring and formulaic as it seems despite girls dancing on top of bars while pouring pitchers of water on themselves--I suddenly realize why the film grossed so much.
Violet Sanford (Piper Perabo) is tired of waiting tables at a diner in her small town in New Jersey and only writing her music part-time. She is ready to make the leap to nearby New York and begin the pursuit of her songwriting endeavors full-time. After finishing her last shift at the diner and getting a wonderful send off from her friends, Violet goes home to pack the car for the move. Her father, Bill (John Goodman) is reluctant to let his only daughter loose in The Big Apple, and it's clear that she has taken a parental role over her father since her mother's death years prior. He eventually is as supportive as he can be with her departure. After arriving at the run-down apartment which is all she can afford, Violet's best friend Gloria (Melanie Lynskey) hides money in Violet's freezer that she is reluctant to take. After several disappointments in trying to get the mixtapes of her songs to studios and agents, Violet finds herself disappointed and rejected. When she returns home to find her apartment ransacked and her belongings stolen Violet cries and questions whether or not she should return home. While out for a slice of pie to drown her sorrows, Violet overhears a conversation between several girls waving money around at a nearby table. Violet gathers that they are "coyotes" working at a nearby bar. Following the bread crumbs she has sniffed out, Violet seeks the bar out looking for a quick way to make a lot of money. Violet is initially stunned to find out that the bar she has happened upon is a city hotspot in which the girls comprise a team of sexy women who entice patrons to pay for the show they put on. The rest of the girls can sniff out Violet's small-town upbringing, but what they can't sniff out is the passion for her dreams that will push her to do whatever it takes to succeed. Oh, of course, there is a love interest that initially looks like it's not going to work out.
Of course, she's from a small town and wants to move to a big city, of course, she's the parental figure in her single parent home, of course, her apartment gets broken into, of course she loses everything she's saved for months, of course her friend from back home left money in the freezer, of course she overheard that there would be a position open at the bar, of course she was too shy to dance on top of a bar, of course she had outdated technology making it near impossible to adequately get her art distributed, of course, she had a love interest that she was reluctant towards, of course, she had stage fright--except when she was with the coyotes, and of course she eventually made it. I'm not kidding when I say this is one of the most predictable movies I have ever seen in my life. It's also aged horribly and was difficult to watch, as most films that prominently feature technology, clothes, and music. Throughout the entire film, when I'm supposed to be buying into how hard this beautiful white woman's life is, I kept asking myself, "how hard can your life really be, you have perfect hair--if all else fails, shampoo commercials. A film as predictable and lazy as this just has nowhere to land with me, and few redeeming qualities about it, with the exception of John Goodman, he's always good--certainly the bright spot of this pile of garbage.