Crock of Sh!t

Rating: 1/10 (8 March 2005)

Got free tickets to see this. Wish I hadn't wasted my time, relieved I didn't waste money too.
Keanu Reeves was really terrible, though I knew in my heart before I went in that he hadn't a hope in hell of playing anything close to John Constantine. He didn't smoke well, he wasn't a mean enough bastard, he wasn't vaguely English, he wasn't sarcastic. He was just Keanu Reeves. Nothing more, nothing less.
Midnite was wrong. Chas annoying. Satan didn't work. Heaven was wrong. The music was really bad. The sound had only 2 moments where i thought, oh, that's quite a nice use of sound and dynamics. Some of the effects were good and graphic etc, but i find that the human mind, left to it's own devices imagines much worse things if just given a hint of what might be going on.
Gabriel was OK. Possibly just cause i thought she was cute and was henceforth distracted.
I'm finding it hard to give constructive criticism. Really annoyed me. Buy the graphic novel. It is so so so much better.
A