A hideously deranged, ridiculously overblown allegory - heavy on the GORY

Rating: 4/10 (17 February 2006)

Constantine is quite possibly the worst film ever made that was based on a comic book. I think the bottom-line message of this movie can be summed up best by a few lines of dialog that Tilda Swinton (as Gabriel) utters to our so-called hero early on: 'You're going to die young because you smoked 30 cigarettes a day since you were 15. And you're going to go to hell because of the life you took. You're f---ed.'
And so are we, the hapless audience who is forced to sit through this abominable mess - and make no mistake, we ARE forced: we have to see how it turns out, after all, and even more than that, we have to see just how ridiculous it gets on the journey. In that department, you can rest assured it doesn't let us down - it goes all the way.