Constantine-uously bored

Rating: 1/10 (5 May 2005)

I saw this with my sister and all she could talk about was Shia La Bouef's hair being cut for the movie. I remember how he had his hair really bushy on that Disney Channel movie where he played a retarded kid, so I guess he had to cut it to make him look smart. Not like that worked! I changed my hair and no one thinks I'm any smarter. I told her to shut up about the haircut, already.
I said how that was so he would not totally distract the audience with his clown hair, and we could all focus on how pathetic Keanu Reeves is.
Even with him supposed to being dying, he was still old and lame and a very bad actor, hard to care about. He was really boring, so I was just waiting for him to die. And waiting, and waiting! I couldn't stand it.
Somebody should have had a chainsaw. Early on.
The girl in it was not bad. And not bad-looking! But if you're going to have her be a mental patient, make it interesting at least. Like if she thought she was Michael Jackson, or had a collection of toes.
I did like the demons and the Hell scenes, but - guess what- you just won't see that stuff from your own bathtub at home, which this movie makes you think is totally possible.
I didn't like how you weren't sure if the angel was a man or a woman. I like to think, in Heaven, everyone is sexy. You should be able to tell if someone's a girl or a guy.
Also, stuff like that should make you think and not fall asleep.