Hell is for children.

Rating: 6/10 (8 March 2005)

While he came close, Clint Eastwood never ventured into the territory of self- parody, instead choosing to reveal himself as a true artist. For the full postmodern take on the Eastwood persona, look no further than Keanu Reeve's work in Constantine. With every dry crack or glare, he may as well be saying, go ahead demon (or half-breed as they are lovingly referred to), make my day. If Leone had made this movie, he would be The Exorcist with No Name.
Which is not to say he is not effective. Reeves is often maligned for a lack of talent, but I truly think of it as tremendous restraint. He isn't Marlon Brando, but he isn't Rod Steiger either (an absolutely charismatic actor who could probably taste test different types of scenery.) When one sees a more magnetic actors play boring, such as Johnny Depp in Finding Neverland, one almost longs for a man like Reeves.
There has been much controversy about switching the story across the pond from the U.K. to L.A. but I can't imagine how it makes much difference. They say the character in the Vertigo comic book was based on a young Sting, but anyone who has seen Dune or even the video for If I Ever (Lose My Faith in You) knows that other avenues had to be explored. I'd be interested to see what Jason Statham could do with the role, but then I'd probably be interested to see what Statham could do with the role of Edna in the upcoming Hairspray movie. I think the role fits Reeves like a glove (sorry I couldn't work in a dogmatic pun there. Like the Shroud of Turin?) and any faults of the movie aren't his.
The movie is compelling but not truly fascinating, like the Ninth Gate or it's mother, The Exorcist. It's not really frightening either. The vision of hell and all it's minions shown here is truly amazing, but no one is going to go home worried that they might run into what they see on screen.
Rachel Weisz is a beautiful women but I've always found her a bit annoying, and her American accent bothers me, not because it lapses into English but because it lapses into some strange midwestern thing, kind of like the way Christian Bale talks like Jim Carrey. In the bathtub scene I couldn't help but think that her face of horror was because she'd just remembered her previous collaboration with Reeves in "Chain Reaction".
Tilda Swinton is quite sexy as the angel Gabriel, made-up like David Bowie might have looked in the early '80s if he hadn't decided to become a pop star. Peter Stormare, an actor who I imagine can not really be directed so much as herded, is fantastic as Satan, and I like how his fashion seems to be motivated by his fellow Swedes The Hives.
The fill left me oddly tickled more than anything else. I certainly wasn't bored. First-time director Frances Lawrence doesn't betray his music video roots nearly as much as his peers, and he often seems to know what he's doing. If he doesn't quite know how to direct a performance yet it's because up until now all his actors have been lip-synching. It gave me a bit too much time to think about things, only truly holding my attention visually. I have to admire it in the end though. It's smarter than the average thriller, it doesn't just think it is, and it's one of the few major movies I've seen outside of Mel Gibson to actually believe that heaven exists.
Grade: B-