Pathetic. Emasculated.

Rating: 1/10 (26 February 2005)

"Spoilers" below, as though anything could spoil your Constantine experience further.
Utterly horrible. Pathetic. Constantine is a loner desperate to pour his entire story out to the first person who will listen. He doesn't smoke Silk Cuts. The characters are all lame buddy- boy caricatures of the characters in the books. He doesn't sneer. He's effete, whiny. He can't smoke a cigarette to save his life.
If a do-gooder whiner American smoking Chinese cigarettes isn't enough, how about him begging god's help and giving up smoking at the end?
Did I mention it was awful? It was like the Matrix, but with holy water.
And I've just been told that after the credits is a teaser of Chas, dead, returning as an angel to talk to Constantine. Gods, save us from the sequel.