Keanu Reeves is such a great actor

Rating: 2/10 (4 April 2005)

'Constantine', a film based on some comic books I've never read because I lost my virginity long ago, stars one of our finest thespians, Keanu Reeves, as an exorcist. For the duration of the film, Keanu gets into all kinds of crazy adventures with weird demons and other evildoers. There are plenty of scenes involving hideous creatures trying to force their way out from underneath peoples' skin, scenes that look like nu-metal videos, and other crap like that. Anyway, Keanu performs some exorcisms, holds some chick underwater in a bathtub so she can magically go back and see some other chick's suicide firsthand, the singer from Bush shows up for some reason (I'm surprised I recognized him...it's been what, 10 years or so since MTV and corporate rock radio were torturing me with that crappy band?) and a bunch of other stuff happens. I don't really remember what happens or why, because I was barely paying attention, and I got up and took a stroll around the big, fancy concession area for about 10 minutes or so when I noticed my friend had fallen asleep. I was also preoccupied with the popcorn I was eating, which was absolutely delicious. I've had a lot of different kinds of popcorn, but none can compare to what's offered at my local Loews' multiplex. Anyway, right after I got back, a group of about 7 kids seated behind me decided they just weren't man enough to endure the remainder of 'Constantine', and they walked out. I wanted to wake my friend up and ask if he wanted to follow suit, but I didn't want to be rude. I hate when people wake me up out of my sleep. Anyway, in the end, Keanu prevails (I'm pretty sure). He might get the girl, but I don't really remember. Sadly, his sidekick/comic foil Shia LaBoeuf, does not survive. 2/10, just because I've seen worse.