'He' works in mysterious ways but this script is predictable crap

Rating: 2/10 (26 February 2005)

This movie blows worse than a hooker with braces. The script was hackneyed and predictable. Rachel W. was attractive but gave a silly performance. First of all, her American accent was twanged and nasally the way Brit actors do when then are doing an over-the-top comedic satire on Americans. Her lack of emotion in the face of her circumstances was often unnerving. At times she seemed about to laugh in scenes that really needed her to convey the gravity of the situation in order for the scene to work and not remind the audience what a silly piece of crap this is.
I won't bother to comment on Keanu's performance. If you go to one of his films, you expect that he will reinforce the notion that he can't act. If you have any other expectations you deserve to lose a good 90 minutes of your life that ain't comin' back.
Shia LeBouf plays Chas Chandler an annoying 2 dimensional character named after one of the original members of The Jimi Hendrix Experience. Shame on the writers for that. I seem to remember this as the same character he played in I, Robot and on every talk show appearance he's made. A real journeyman.
I got the feeling from this movie that the director felt that the wetter characters appeared the more dramatic tension there was. Given this belief, it's understandable that everyone is wet throughout the whole picture. It seems like a stylistic rip-off of better films like "The Crow" or "Seven." I am seeing this type of thing more and more. As if having every shot be dark and wet will make the film more edgy or 'goth.'
My favorite touch at the end of this incredibly dark nonsense is that Keanu's character, John COnstantine,decides to chew gum instead of smoking at the end. This is supposed to indicate growth and new perspective on life for the character. I'm guessing that this is the result of his travails over the course of the film. This character never showed any signs of emotion or humanity until this point, good or bad. Why the Hell would we believe he has grown?
In addition there are fumbling attempts at sexual tension or hints of caring feelings between Keanu and Rachel's character. This either needs to be explored and ramped up or dropped. It feels tacked on as an after thought to please an exec at the studio. Either Constantine only saves her because he needs to in order to save mankind or the director needs to spend more time establishing the slightest bit of chemistry between the characters. It's not enough to just assume that two folks will automatically be willing to risk their lives for each other for no other reason than they are two attractive people in the same movie.
Just my opinion.