Crap of the Worst Kind

Rating: 1/10 (20 February 2005)

Absolute crap. Cod theology (plus a camp Lucifer) for 9-year-olds and others who haven't yet got to grips with joined-up writing (i.e. readers of graphic novels). Constantine has a dumb storyline, warmed-over CGI effects, a Jewish actress playing tormented twin Catholic sisters, and Keanu Reeves giving another of his wooden performances. Think of the Exorcist on Valium and you'll get a good idea of this lame movie. It couldn't scare a kitten, but it could certainly bore one. The studio which made this drivel deserves a really good kick up the arse, but I think their accountants will be too busy taking comfort from the old truism that 'nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the public' to notice.