Nearly 1,000 reviews --- and here's another

Rating: 3/10 (8 February 2010)

It's extraordinary how religion's purest superstition attracts American audiences. The idea of a permanently burning hell-world just a pill or a shot or a state-of-mind away below the floor is so powerful that hordes of people crowd into cinemas to see the enaction of it. Then hundreds of them go to IMDb actually to write it up. Evidently, a certain level of people have not improved their world outlook since the 15th or 16th centuries, when fiery little sheets and pamphlets first came off the presses, telling of visits to hell, and anthologising the efforts of fictional men like John Constantine (Keanu Reeves).
It's never quite clear what Constantine's vocation or profession or trade is. Some reviewers describe him as a PI, or private investigator. I think that reflects the wildly superstitious audience again. PIs tend to spend most of their time on the internet and telephone, using reams of documents. They'd be in trouble in a world of flames, but "Hell wants him. Heaven won't take him. Earth needs him," according to the movie blurb.
Naturally, Satan, the former angel of light turned devil of the flames, appears in Constantine, and it's not satisfactory, considering that Peter Stormare "began his acting career at the Royal National Theatre of Sweden". He was a bit overprepared, perhaps, for the rather poor dialogue (from Kevin Brodbin and Frank A. Cappello), and unimaginative directing from rock-video maker Francis Lawrence.
The English dolly-bird Rachel Weisz is a good match for Keanu, because the lines are not that great, the sets suck, and frankly looks do count when all else fails. Mind you, this is US mass cinema and apart from madam there's no sex here at all.