I Know How I Can Live Without It

Rating: 5/10 (28 July 2008)

Jerry Bruckheimer may be gold at the box office, but he owns a spotty record when it comes to quality. For every "National Treasure" and "The Rock" exists a "Bad Boys II" or a "Pearl Harbor." "Con Air" is shoddily made. The screenplay insult many viewers with its stupidity. Were it not for the "What Next?" factor, it would crash as ignominiously as its main device.
The "What Next?" factor is present when the hero finds himself in a seemingly impossible situation and is constantly frustrated in his attempts to solve it. In this case, it is a friend (Mykelti Williamson) in need of life-saving medication. He will die in two hours unless injected with insulin. Diabetics and their friends will shake their heads in disbelief when they hear that.
Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage), a former Army Ranger, is paroled after serving eight years for killing a man who was attacking his wife. The US Marshal Service transports him home on a plane full of "the worst of the worst" en route to a Super Max prison in Alabama. The legal base for his conviction is baloney at best, but the filmmakers needed a reason to put Mr. Perfect Morality on the plane.
Three of the convicts concoct an elaborate plan to gain control of the plane: Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom (John Malkovich), Nathan "Diamond Dog" Jones (Ving Rhames), and Pinball (Dave Chappelle). They succeed and plot course to a foreign country, but must make two stops first: Carson City, to pick up the son of their money source (Jesse Borrego), and a remote airfield to board another plane. Anybody who caught those details on the first viewing deserves one-hundred dollars.
Many other characters, too many to name, join the party. The notables are Guard Sally Bishop (a surprisingly attractive Rachel Ticotin), "Swamp Thing" (M.C. Gainey, in an annoying performance), and serial rapist Johnny 23 (Danny Trejo, who cannot act to save his life), who desires to make Guard Bishop number 24. On the ground, US Marshal Vince Larkin (John Cusack) deals with a DEA hothead (Colm Meaney) who wants to destroy the plane and all the innocent people on it. Malloy has a worse attitude than half of the convicts. Most resemble professional weightlifters. Realistically, they would be in solitary confinement, where there is no access to an exercise room.
"Con Air" contains a surprisingly small amount of action. Only two such scenes last more than a few seconds, neither are impressive, and they both come at the end. The filmmakers place their hope in the many explosions. Explosions are not enough to carry an action movie, especially one not set in space. Besides, director Simon West makes most of them difficult to see. The end credits show all of the major characters smiling, right after the plane crashes on the Vegas strip, likely killing over 100 people.
Only two characters experience any change. The first is Malloy. The second is Garland Greene (Steve Buscemi), who murdered 37 people in a way that "makes the Manson family look like the Partridge family." Strangely, Greene is the nicest person on the plane. When he approaches a young girl, he acknowledges that he is sick and sings a Christian song with her. At the end, he is the only convict not killed or captured. How are we supposed to feel? Has he accepted Christ? Has the girl's kindness changed his heart? I didn't know whether to be upset or happy.
"Con Air" has little to applaud. I had to see this movie more times than I would like so I could piece together its confusing and poorly-explained story. West had no concept of how to photograph action; he would greatly improve for "Tomb Raider." Outside of Cusack, Malkovich, Buscemi and Chappelle, the acting is awful and the music is worse. What writer Scott Rosenberg probably intended as an excuse for action scenes prevents "Con Air" from truly stinking. It does not, however, earn it a recommendation.