I'd forgotten how stupid this movie is.

Rating: 3/10 (23 March 2005)

I rented this a while back, and my main recollection was that I didn't pay much attention to it. Having seen it again on TV, I now know why: it failed to keep my attention because the plot was so completely unbelievable. To put it another way, it's a stupid movie. I try to avoid using such terms when reviewing movies, but in this situation it's the most appropriate one.
That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy a mindless movie. For example, "Die Hard with a Vengeance" is equally as implausible, but it doesn't take itself very seriously and it's at least entertaining. The plot is clever and Bruce Willis does a good job.
I'm afraid there is virtually nothing redeeming in "Con Air". I can forgive such problems as the fact that the real "Con Air" uses passenger aircraft rather than converted military cargo planes, or that a released prisoner on his way home would not be flown via the real "Con Air". I could even handle the extremely unlikely eventuality of nearly every one of the most dangerous criminals in the US being on one plane, as long as it's done well.
Possible Spoiler Alert!
This simply isn't done well. Rather than at least ATTEMPT to be somewhat original, it succumbs to the temptation of using cheap cliché after cliché. To name but a few: the Hannibal Lecter clone played by Steve Buscemi (in yet another quirky role); the body falling out of the sky on the hood of a car; the Corvette being pulled behind the plane taking off, then dropping RIGHT IN FRONT of John Cusack and his DEA rival; the armored car that blows up immediately upon impact with a fire truck; Nicholas Cage, who'd been shot, yet 20 minutes later is jumping from a motorcycle onto the same fire truck (and the sloppy editing that tries to convey the idea); the motorcycle that (what a surprise) continues on its course and runs into the back of the fire truck, bursting into flames (where have we seen that before?) and killing one of the bad guys; the false alarm ending of the movie, after the plane has landed in a casino full of people, NOT ONE is killed; the slot machine that starts spewing coins as it's hit by the same plane; etc, etc, etc, etc.
Those are just a few of the MANY, MANY clichés in this contender for "Most Clichés per Minute Award" that contribute to the overall tedious quality of the plot. One thing that I found most baffling was the decision to have Nicholas Cage speak in a (presumably) "Southern" accent. I grew up on the South and know Southern accents. His was so bad that it wasn't even laughable. Why did they not simply have him use his own voice? It would have been a slight improvement.
Moving on, I was saddened to see several good actors in this sorry affair. John Malkovich is clearly way above this sort of material. I can see him as a criminal genius, such as in the immeasurably superior "In the Line of Fire", where he was chillingly convincing as a troubled ex-CIA agent who taunted Secret Service agent Clint Eastwood. Likewise, John Cusack is NOT an action hero, so when they try to make it look like he can jump from a moving police motorcycle (that conveniently had the key left in the ignition) onto a fire truck (yes, THAT fire truck, and THAT sloppy editing), it's just not the sort of role I expect to see him in. When he's thrown off onto the roof of a car, is he injured, are any bones broken? No way! He's tougher than old Arnie the Terminator himself! He's up on his feet as if it's nothing at all to drop 15+ feet from a fire truck at high speed and land on a car.
I could go on and on. I've seen movies that were bad enough to be entertaining, like "Firestarter" or the infamous "Hot Rods to Hell!", but this isn't even entertainingly bad. It's just plain bad! Don't waste your time.