Cy..Anorra!!

Rating: 3/10 (12 December 2002)

'Con Air' represents everything wrong with the action film genre. Granted, I loved the Die Hards and some of Arnold's work, but this film is just way too much in terms of ridiculous logic and loud bang-bangs. The plot involves a too-good-to-be-true wrongly accused prisoner (of course he has no true flaws) played by Nicholas Cage, on his way home after being released. He can't wait to see his wife and daughter, but one problem: he is put on a plane with a group of the most dangerous criminals in the country, including John Malkovich as Cyrus 'the Virus' who have plans of their own. (old John was clearly collecting a good pay check here to pay off that mansion.) Others in the gang include Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, and Danny Trejo. You might say this is an impressive cast in an opressive story. Even more absurd is Cage's southern accent that makes Dennis Quaid's Any Given Sunday accent look as authentic as a NASCAR driver's. This movie is non-stop catch phrases and explosions, the kind of thing that pays John Woo's bills and makes a ton at the box office. I'm all in favor of selling out every once in a while. Hell, like the Tupac song says "Hey, I gotta get paid."... But 'Con Air' is on a level of it's own. It's dumb, real dumb. Mind-numbing dumbness. If you make it through the film, you're in a for a real treat of an ending. This is laughable: Cage gets to see his family (CUE THE SAPPY POP-LOVE MUSIC!!). You're sitting there thinking this can't be not a parody, but it's true...and I don't get why they make Steve Buscemi's character, the sickest of all the criminals get away at the end!! The movie makes you want to cheer for him and laugh as he gambles in the films last shot at a casino. WHy should we all of a sudden like this guy..he eats CHILDREN!!! The bottom line is there is no bottom line: the movie just sinks and sinks into bad-movie Hell. "Cy-Anorra"... 3 stars out of 10.