"Gone With The Wind" for chumps

Rating: Null/10 (14 August 2004)

I An overly-dramatic civil war love story that really, really wants to be Gone With the Wind but just ain't. Nicole Kidman plays the young Southern belle Ada Monroe. Kidman is usually excellent in everything she's in, but this role is really weak, unbelievable, full of forced sympathy that just doesn't work, topped with a truly horrible fake Southern accent. Jude Law is alright as the deserting soldier Inman who makes his way back to his true love. There is virtually no chemistry between the two, and I didn't really care that much about either of them. As Inman makes his way back to Cold Mountain, the locals are all harassed by the overly-evil, cruel heartless bastards of the North Carolina Home Guard (these are essentially the same guys who were the villainous Redcoats in The Patriot) Renee Zellwegger, in the role that earned her a Best Supporting Actress award, plays Jar Jar Binks in the form of the obnoxious tomboy Ruby Thewes. A few of the supporting cast is very good, Brendan Gleeson, Donald Sutherland, and Kathy Baker give fairly good though sadly short performances. Jack White from the White Stripes sings a song, which is kinda cool. Natalie Portman is the standout of the whole film as a desperate young widow and mother who Jude Law encounters on his journey, her scene is the only truly great bit in this whole film. The whole thing is just too long and unengaging, the storyline is completely pradictable, OF COURSE Jude Law is gotta get a cap in his ass so that Nicole Kidman can pout and wimper some more. If you want a beautiful, romantic masterpiece of an epic set in the Civil War, watch Gone With the Wind. If you want a movie with real facts, watch Ken Burns' PBS documentary series about the Civil War. If you want two ours of overdone Hollywood re- written history a la The Patriot, then watch this.