I knew the Civil War had ended, but I wasn't sure this movie ever would...

Rating: Null/10 (2 February 2004)

Not the worst Civil War movie I've ever seen (that was Gods & Generals), but pretty horrendous, nonetheless, especially as compared to all the hype. The trailers for this movie made it appear to be an action-packed juggernaut of a film, alternately littered with passion and epic battle sequences. In reality, there's only one battle scene, which occurs in the first ten minutes and leaves you bored to tears until the love-scene with the female lead and the final climax at the very end.
Nicole Kidman and Jude Law are both quality, accomplished actors...and both way too old for the parts they're playing. Kidman is 35 now, and while still beautiful, is far too old to be the unwed daughter of a minister in the mid-19th century Deep South. Just wouldn't happen. Law is about 31 himself, though he looks younger than that, and the two just didn't make a believable pair. She barely speaks to him at all throughout the movie, he barely speaks to anyone, and when they do speak they tend to slip into their respective home accents (Australia for Kidman and English for Law) instead of the Southern one you should have been hearing, often enough that it becomes difficult to ignore.
The plot too, is problematic. Given the few brief encounters they have with one another, it's ridiculous to think that they would have developed such an enduring affection for each other in so short a period of time. Bag of diamonds, my foot. And the scene in which they "marry" is laughable.

On the other side of things, the way the "thugs" of Cold Mountain stay and wreak havoc on anyone left there is also preposterous. Those four young men seem to be of plenty sound body to be fighting, so they should be in the war themselves. And you'd rather imagine that the town's usual law enforcement would have stayed behind, if only to protect the town from Yankee raiders. No real justice is ever meted to them either, except Easy Movie Justice: they all die.
There is one enormous continuity problem, in which Law and Philip Seymour Hoffman are talking on a riverbank (OK, so mostly Hoffman's talking) and then suddenly Hoffman has a big saw in his hand, explaining how it will be useful. No explanation where the hell it came from at all. What's that all about?
Generally though, the cinematography was excellent. Lush landscapes and interesting angles make the reality of battle clear and believable without making the scenes unwatchably gory or campy, as in some war movies. Renee Zellweger was excellent as well, not just as comic relief, but as a reality check for anyone who might tend to get too wrapped up in the sappy, Prince-Charming/damsel-in-Distress crap and forget that there's a real life to live if this war ever ends. If this movie has any redeeming qualities other than the scenery, she's it.
Otherwise, it's two and a half hours of tedious malarkey, punctuated with some good scenery and a few decent performances.