new meaning to the word facial

Rating: 3/10 (22 January 2005)

A movie incredibly over-awarded. Sure, Zellwegger is good but I think she's had more Oscar worthy performances. Ever since the divorce, I've come to really appreciate Nicole Kidman but this is just crap. I don't like Jude Law but tried not to think about it when I watched this. The problem is that even if these two did get together, it would most likely have been more of an occasional visit type of thing. Maybe this worked in the book, but it just didn't pan out for me. If you want to see one of the stupidest courting scenes, watch Kidman play piano on the back of a moving wagon while she's intermittently watching Jude Law in the field. It's so stupid, I wonder who her publicist is. I know that everyone in America really loved this movie and thought it was the godsend of great post Civil War romance/dramas but in my opinion, America seems to have forgotten Gone With the Wind. Want to see really painful love experiences and blood, and war, and drama, and everything else really uncomfortable? Watch Vivien Leigh be Scarlet O'Hara and you will wonder why you thought Cold Mountain was so good. And the sex scene? Yeah, right. I'm sure it's a really sexy experience for someone who's never seen a naked man before. Imagine, in real life, they both had butt facials and I just couldn't get over that one real aspect of movie making. Who needs to see that anyway? I don't. Rent a porn if you need to sex in a movie. It completely took away from the "love" and you realize that these people have been jonesning from afar for way too long. They could have picked someone else up by now. Just forget about this sappy, crappy, junky Hollywood movie that is a terrible excuse for believability -- unless, of course, you like that kind of thing.