Put down the frickin' camera and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Rating: 5/10 (12 January 2008)

OK, take a couple of Advil, a deep breath, and leave reality, belief and rationale at the door, and enjoy "Cloverfield" for what it is. After minimal opening credits, we are informed by text on the screen that what we are watching is footage from a videocam "retrieved at an incident site formerly known as Central Park." Watching it, we discover that a going-away party for a young Manhattanite (he's transferring to Japan) is interrupted by an earth-rumbling, fiery disturbance down at the waterfront  and shortly after that, all hell breaks loose. The monster  as well as skittery, spider/crab like parasites that drop from its body  attack, stomp and/or chew on anything that moves, while our heroes decide to set off to rescue a friend trapped in her high-rise apartment.
This is a life-threatening predicament where you can run (for your life) through Manhattan for hours in stiletto heels; survive helicopter crashes from high above the city; take refuge in an underground subway station that, despite millions of citizens running, fleeing and/or hiding, happens to be completely empty of any other refugees; and dodge the military shrapnel and fallout from zillions of blazing guns, tanks and aircraft all around and above you. Was your shoulder pierced by steel rebar from your collapsed apartment? Never fear  you'll be up and running in no time, with a bloodless, painless, benign hole in your shoulder as a trophy.
And I want a videocam like the one in use. Apparently, its battery will last forever with no replacing or recharging, while further powering attachments for any situation that is called for  an incandescent light, night-vision mode, etc. It also gets dropped numerous times, and nuked at the end. Wow! I was waiting for it to convert into a gyrocopter and carry our heroes to safety. And its operator ("Hud"), who at the pre-attack beginning confesses that he barely knows how to operate the thing, manages to instantly become a cinematographer extraordinaire, studiously capturing every minute of non-stop action on tape  even continuing to fearlessly film the terrifying creature, now suddenly only a few feet away, as it is eyeing him and preparing to make him the next human hors d'oeuvre on the menu.
At the sneak I attended, people kept commenting on the film's "breakthrough filming technique" and "revolutionary style of film-making." I have three words for them: "Blair Witch Project." But you'll go anyway, am I right? Go  enjoy  then come back here and point out some more of "Cloverfield's" Manhattan-sized plot holes and belief-suspending missteps.