Next time, do the film on a videophone

Rating: 1/10 (27 January 2008)

Not sure if the film style failure of Blair Witch was supposed to have been a warning, but someone didn't get the memo. Take the worst parts of Blair Witch, Godzilla and Independence day (3 movies you really wanna emulate) and there ya go. Not a single connection with any of the characters. All of them were just plain stupid. If these were my friends, I'd have long become a hermit, or perhaps left them for dead. The only mildly amusing character was Marlene and she didn't have much to say in the film, but was possibly the only real bright spot. That is if you don't count the fact that most of the film is really just a blur as the handy cam spun around like a 6 year old on speed at FAO Schwartz. Hud was completely annoying, in fact it was a relief that he died. Frankly, I wish that the camera had been totally demolished when the Statue of Liberty head fell on the street. When I pay to watch a movie, I expect to see the movie. Watching the 85 minutes of motion blur is not my idea of exciting. In fact, the only intensity I experienced was the intense hatred of hand held cameras and moronic people who think that this is somehow heightening the experience. Maybe some people find this edgy in place of a real story, but the visual experience I had was that of motion sickness. Perhaps the sequel to this film should be done on a video phone, or maybe stop motioned from someone's Iphone camera. In fact, screw it, just toss up 85 minutes of random photography and we'll call that edgy and frightening. I was not held in any form of suspense and can only say that I really don't care to get my money back, I want the 85 minutes of my life back. I could do something more useful with it, like kick a puppy or get unnecessary surgery. Maybe I'll remove the part of my brain that says that if I want a story told entirely in dialog without any visual reference, I'll read a book. When I go to a movie, I want to see what happens. Don't forget, the Blair Witch had some element of story. Terrible camera work that made the average movie goer nauseous, but it at least had something mildly compelling. So for anyone that thinks that this will be a fun cool film that will make you jump in your seat, the only thing I did was stare at the lights flashing by as a group of totally vapid characters who evoke less emotion then the cast of Waterworld screamed a lot. Terrible movie. Shame on whoever green lit this piece of crap.