New York yuppies document a monster attack â€“ and their own illiteracy.

Rating: Null/10 (25 March 2010)

"Dude, bro, yeah, cool, man... Whatever. Oh, and awesome, dude." This, in a nutshell, is the kind of dialogue we're subjected to in the first 18 minutes before the monster finally arrives on the film set (he was late due to contractual negotiations). If this truly is how today's businessmen interact with each other - in "the city that never sleeps" (and apparently "the city whose inhabitants never build up on their vocabulary") - then good luck America... "If you make it here you can make it anywhere": provided you're an overachieving yuppie airhead, apparently.
Film-making nerds and nerdesses, how about laying off New York for a while, huh? There must be other places on the planet deserving of a monster's attention. There have got to be other cities that "never sleep". If I see Manhattan in another movie, I think I'll break my remote control.
As seen previously in The Made-Out-Of-Thin-"(Bl)Air Witch Project" and "(Para)Normal Activity", whenever the entire movie is captured by a character waving around a camera there is bound to be much illogic regarding how and why certain scenes could have been filmed, given the extreme circumstances and camera-unfriendly situations. But never-mind that: "Cloverfield" is "A Clockwork Orange" compared to the afore-mentioned flicks. There is a budget here, the film isn't dull.
I had to kind of wonder how it was possible that wherever the yuppies headed, the monster was there. A few theories/explanations: 1) The monster came to NY with a mission to kill yuppies. And not just any old yuppies, but our main characters. 2) The monster had a natural "bro, dude, whassup dude, yo" radar in its brain. Hence, whenever the yuppies tried to get out of harm's way, all they needed to do is utter out loud any given moronic modern-day slang word/phrase, and the monster would be - yet again - at their tails. If this theory is correct, then maybe the suggestion that the government created the monsters was indeed true: the motive being to eradicate stupidity in a nation accelerating with leaps and bounds towards all-encompassing dumbing-down. 3) The monster felt he wasn't getting enough screen-time (and he was right: certain yuppie packs have the sick urge to place themselves at the center of attention even during a 200-meter-Godzilla attack), so in his light lizard-head he figured that killing the main characters would increase his chances in the editing room.
I didn't quite understand how the unarmed, disorientated, panicky yuppies, a handful of them, managed to repel the first attack of the "spiders". And then the second attack. After the initial attack they even joke a bit, which certainly lends some much-needed realism... I can certainly see how people would goof off each other after just having been confronted with blood-thirsty legions from Hell.
Also silly was the helicopter flying so dangerously close to the monster (so that Hud could get better footage? those military pilots are certainly quite Hud-accommodating) - and then getting predictably hit by the yuppie-hating monster.
Still, there is the happy ending...