Clover F%@#ed

Rating: 1/10 (27 July 2008)

Oh My God! (By this way this was probably the only line repeated over and over and *over* in the entire movie  The scriptwriters obviously don't know very many expressive words)
An insult to intelligent movie goers everywhere. A disappointing, complete no brainer... I've seen better acting in butter commercials. Hell, *I've* done better acting in the TV commercial I starred in  and I can write better too ... Just look at the pretty young woman who gets hacked by the monster's offspring - hardly shows any pain with such deep lacerations - all the way down her back and shoulders... Either she has no pain receptors or the creature had something in its saliva which dulled her nerves (neither was said in the movie) and the victim later winced when another character was dabbing these bleeding rips in her skin ... Ow. I've been slashed open by a monster. Better get me a band-aid. No, Really? And the girl that they went back to the apartment for? Umm One would think she would have let's see like - **Left Already!!!** Oh my God! There's a huge, mean monster attacking! Slashing, crushing, as it goes, ripping buildings apart. Oh My God!! It's and heading this way! I think I'll stay right here in this apartment block, which is doing its best impression of the leaning tower of Pisa. *Puhleeeeze.*
I felt nothing for any of these flat, stupid, pathetic, characters. And reading other reviews, I see I'm definitely not the only one who feels ripped off and my intelligence bashed by this sketchy piece of slush. Glad I didn't bother watching it on the big screen. That would have been worse. See a lot of people liked it though... 'intense thriller ... action packed...' Haven't seen many real action movies, then, huh? Oh My God, I've seen more action (and better acting) in a David Attenborough documentary.
Needless to say I'm beyond disappointed that it turned out to be nothing more than a typical, mind-numbingly predictable, utterly boring monster thrash & bash. The only interesting take being the student camera thing ... Maybe they should have called it 'The Blair Monster Project' ... (Though it was in parts, sketchy and annoying. Just like Blair Witch - another boring no-brainer) It takes ages to get to the action, the party scene a complete snoozer ,,, And when something *finally* does happen, you're wondering if it's aliens, terrorists or monsters (I was hoping for something more original). Oh my God. It's devoid of intelligent plot, script, or anything intelligent, period. Where was the monster from exactly - the ocean, but where? Was it originally from another world? I was assuming it was female as it was breeding, (well dropping its offspring like poop), everywhere it stomped. Was it acting on instinct or malicious (could just've as well been some primordial beast without a clue)  though you hardly saw the damned thing, but even then it was probably the best actor in the whole movie. Will say it had good special effects, with Clarice (well somebody has to give the monster a name :)  the explosions and the Statue of Liberty head ... That was probably the only thing in the entire movie that brought any feeling whatsoever. (However not so special-effects to write home or best friend about.) The fact that it was short usually counts as a negative, but with this I was glad when this overrated slag pile came to an end. THANK God! Though I heard they're planning a sequel *Oh My God!!!* Haven't insulted our intelligence enough, I see. (The more intelligent reviewers will understand this as sarcasm.)
And then I find out this waste-of-time & money effing hogus sorry a$$ excuse for a movie insultingly ... won the 2007 Saturn Award for best Sci-fi movie  against **Transformers?!?!?** *Jinn shakes her head in disgust and dismay and utter shock ... and barfs.* I'll give *them* a monstrous thrash & bash! ;)
Don't waste your money or time on this uber-moronic, un-intelligent piece of over-hyped crud. Want to see *real* thrash and bash?  Watch Transformers. Actually *has* an intelligent plot (and more than just thrash & bash ) and with decent acting (from the humans as well)  And one that has you actually feeling for the characters (Transformers and humans alike), has feel good scenes and *Actually H A S an ending* then save your Energon chips and watch Transformers.