Rifftrax is the only sane reason to watch Cloverfield

Rating: 1/10 (5 July 2011)

People can try to save this movie or claim it's masterful in obscure ways but really guys...unless you're a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and their ability to make almost any movie watchable skip this. We know within the first forty seconds of the film that the characters we meet from now on are going to die. When I know a character isn't going to make it out alive I don't go the extra mile to care about them. Even if I didn't know their fate I still wouldn't have cared because none of them exhibited emotions or dialog I found memorable or could relate to. Not to mention I absolutely hated Hud who should have been killed off right away but maybe his death towards the end was more satisfactory. But I felt it was cruel of the director to make us endure his less than intelligent narrations and constant "DUDE", "Are you OK" when clearly that person isn't, and my personal favorite "Brah". I would have liked this movie more if they had gradually or even eventually released information about what the monster was, where it came from, and how much it cost to get the monsters from Dead Space to make a cameo? And more importantly how getting bitten by the monster makes you bleed from your eyes and explode. You never actually learn any of these things that might have made the monster or situation more terrifying. I'm so glad I watched the Mike, Bill, and Kevin version because I would have changed the channel halfway through the party scene. One of my favorite quotes from the former Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang is "Ah! Uh you're about an hour late monster" "We're only 18 minutes into the movie, Mike" "...I stand by my statement."