P.T. Barnum was right!

Rating: 1/10 (19 January 2008)

Don't read this review if you don't like spoilers!!!!!!
When you go to a monster movie, there are a few things you kind of take for granted will be in it.
Like a monster.
"Cloverfield", which I felt was more of a college cinema project, i.e., make a film that shot completely in the first person, follows four New Yorkers and their situations as they try to escape a skyscraper-sized monster. There are many suspensions of disbelief that you are expected to accept. Like how a single video camera can shoot the events of an entire day on one tape (or SD disk, as they explain in the beginning), and on a single charge. I own a video camera, and it conks out after one hour! Our four spunky heroes, navigate through the streets of Manhattan, occasionally catching a glimpse of the monster. They see exploding buildings from afar. They see cars flying through the air. And once, you actually saw a giant claw stomp on some brave little soldiers. But all in all, the 90-minute movie gives the main attraction of the movie (no, not the unbelievably hot women in the movie), a total of 90 seconds of screen time! Even Brando in "Apocalypse Now" had more screen time. Last but not least, with a monster movie, you kind of expect the standard Hollywood Ending, where the monster is vanquished and humanity triumphs.
THERE WAS NO ENDING!!!!!!
The movie just ended. phht!
P.T Barnum once said, "There's a sucker born every minute." In this case, if you package a piece of crap in a pretty enough package and show everyone the pretty box, everybody will want that wonderfully packaged crap. So, if you like video games, especially first-person shooters, then this is the movie for you. Everybody else:
Avoid the box.