Unintelligent, Unimpressive, and Unoriginal

Rating: 2/10 (20 January 2008)

I usually write reviews for films that I really liked, but my friends demanded that I see this instead of "No Country for Old Men" so I went into this film quite p!ssed off and mildly drunk. It started with a bunch of talking at a party about God knows what and about God knows who. The entire film is told through a camcorder. "Cloverfield" is a camera that was found in what was known as "Central Park". The movie is what was found. This video takes us from a party scene at the beginning to the death of every person on the camera. That's not really a spoiler because it's quite obvious what it is and what will happen before you even see it.
After the military drops all kinds of bombs on this animal and there are no affects as the big monster just shakes them off, it's pretty clear that this thing is never going to die. We watch this air attack from the camera of one of the people in a rescue chopper as the big monster falls down. Everyone in the chopper says, "We killed him! We killed him! Hooray!!!" as the monster falls into a pile of his own dust. Right then and there, not only does every audience member know this thing ain't dead, but we know that this chopper is coming down and everyone in it is going to die. And sure as the person reading this was born, that does happens. Only the crash doesn't kill the people in the chopper right away, just the pilot and co-pilot, you know the unimportant people, but the main characters stay alive just long enough to wake up the next mourning so we can get a good look at the monster. Then we get our first good look at it and I must say it's pretty damn cool looking, but I was so mad after and 1 hour and 10 minutes of garbage that I didn't even care. Then they die. And, I must say, this camera has some kind of battery since its running all night long and all day long. The energizer bunny couldn't keep this running for as long as it did.
It is incredibly unrealistic. There are so many questions I was asking during this piece of garbage. I'm asking, why isn't this guy dropping his camera while a bunch of little critters, much like "Alien" that are falling off the big monster, chasing him and trying to kill him? Drop the camera! They're trying to kill you and you're running backwards so you can catch it on video. Does that make any sense? No, it doesn't, but nothing else did so why would that? For one reason or another, the thought of dropping the camera never came into one of these characters heads and I wish they did since the movie would just end. How did this "thing" start? Where did "it" come from? How long has "it" been in New York? This is the first attack? The thing is pretty big and you would think someone would have seen it prior to this and since it's so hostile, you would also think there would be attacks left and right, but no, this is the first attack and this thing goes straight for the city. Killing everything in its way just like in the movies!!!! Basically, it's filled with non stop, predictable, been there done that action after crappy conversation in the beginning. The best part was when all these people stopped talking since they made my head spin with their stupidity and dumb jokes. If we actually got to know these people, maybe I would have cared, but their purpose was to hold the camera and die. Plus the actors all sucked so it wouldn't have made any difference. It's a little shaky and by a little I mean the entire thing. Every second of every shot is pure shaking. Think "Blair Which Project". You really can't find one redeeming quality about this video. Everything in it has been done one thousand times before. They copied "Godzilla," "Aliens," and "The Blair Which Project".
Everyone around me seemed to have the same amount of hatred for this film while a bunch of dorks clapped for it at the end and my sections rained down boos and chants of "rip-off" and "Godzilla." One of my friends liked it. Since he made me miss "No Country for Old Men" and for the fact that he liked it; I can now say he was a friend.
One of the worst movies I have ever seen.
This deserves ZERO stars.