An exercise in futility

Rating: 1/10 (27 June 2014)

I wanted to like it. I had heard nothing prior to watching it so I had no preconceptions. I stopped watching after 60 minutes then looked up the reviews. Some say its fantastic- others quite the opposite. I sadly am with the negative side. Sorry. I admit it may be my fault for being too dense. Quickly this is what I thought

Too much mumbling. It washard enough to follow without trying to decipher the slurred mumbling. The mumbling was from Hanks on different islands and all sorts of different characters from all over the world at different random epochs with no attempt to connect them with a cogent plot -The plot was allover the place and all over the epochs. Ridiculous in the extreme. -Instead of everything being connected as is claimed by the promos, everything seemed badly disconnected. -It looked like they had a lot more fun making it than I had watching it -The futuristic Korean bits looked anything but slick. The torch the girls had would look prosaic for present day Korea let alone in the proffered future

-Pretentious without any real substance -No plot tension. I was not hooked in in the first place so how could they hold my interest after that? They kept inexplicably switching to not only different locations but also without explanation to different era for no reason at all that I could follow though I tried. As you can see my attempt to describe it is all over place too. I usually don't write this badly; their fault for serving up this mess.
-Because there is a lot of overlapping obfuscation it does not make it profound. I thought it was a lazy movie with a big budget -Again and importantly- no suspense at all. You have to have some kind of suspense in a movie to give it credibility.
-When the plot, location and time of a movie is so unclear at least make sure the actors are not mumbling
-Polynesian style tattoos on people talking in slurred trailer trash style accents from a completely disconnected era does not make it deep or profound. It just makes it look like a self- indulgent sprawling pretentious mess. One character in a rare moment when I could make out what was said, remarks with great serendipity something about "an exercise in futility". I thought that was ironic and aptly summed up how I felt trying to make sense of this unentertaining chaos. It's so bad that you could not write a spoiler even if you wanted to.