Long-winded new-age mess . . .

Rating: 3/10 (28 October 2012)

I'm not sure what to say about this film. It was attempting to be all things to all men . . . literally, but failed so miserably I cannot conceive of how it is regarded highly by anyone who saw it. The only thing more embarrassing than the pacing, directing, editing and performances in this film was the make-up, which especially when Hugo Weaving appears dressed in drag as a middle aged nurse reminded me of a less convincing Mrs. Doubtfire. Hugo's transformation feels uncomfortable and half-hearted, designed for cheep laughs because the audience knows this is a man who is far more comfortable in a g-man suit and shades and not in knit-sweaters and comfortable shoes attempting to capture the nuances of Nurse Ratched. If it weren't for the fact that each story is edited together and connected by some goofy new-age reincarnation mumbo-jumbo it would amount to little more than a series of fairly pedestrian clichés in genre-fiction. The fact that the same 15 or so actors (about 2 or 3 of whom are better actors than this film allows) are jumbled between the plots makes the film even more difficult to enjoy. Imagine you're being served a 6-course meal, and for some reason the chef has decided to use the same 6 ingredients in every course . . . Including the ripe old cheese that was Tom Hanks in this film. The worst performance by far was turned in by Doona Bae, whose character seems to be built around 95% hairstyle, 2% skimpy skirts, 1% never having shoes on for some reason, 2% passively reciting her lines in a sort of monotone sigh. A scene where she is supposed to be giving a speech that will cause a revolution in her world sounds like it could have been read from a cue card by a shy 9 year old, this even after her character has only recently found out that her sisters have been getting ground up into juice boxes and fed to her. The scenes set in Neo-Seoul (apptly named since the Wachowskis directed this sequence) are nothing new. A futuristic dystopian cityscape has been done so many times since Blade Runner did it best 30 years ago that there's no wonder left in seeing them, especially since no-one has successfully improved on the original. There is of course plenty of martial arts, gun-fu, and even a Neo in Neo-Seoul, but the effects look rushed and unconvincing. At nearly 3 hours this film is a ponderous plodding mess that needs to be put out of its misery and converted in to a drinkable form for those who enjoyed it, so they can simply sit there and consume it without taking up theatre space from better films. They can put Deepak Chopra's name on the box to help sales.