don't get any closer

Rating: 4/10 (25 January 2006)

This movie tried hard to be intelligent and claim that mental capacity was the answer to overcome the temptation of jeopardizing relationships. If you are smart enough to realize this is not true, you probably weren't stupid enough to give the movie a try. For those of you who are, like me, not so bright, don't be fooled by this lavish attempt at convincing a bunch of horn-dogs that we're on a higher plane. Closer is nothing but cleverly disguised trailer trash, who are avoiding the realities of frail existence. May we all realize that every day we wake up is a mercy, not a playground for our privates. Julia Roberts is plain, and manly. Natalie Portman knows how wrong such a portrayal is, and Jude Law wishes he could come up with such snappy replies without poring over a script.