A Piece of Crap

Rating: 1/10 (18 December 2005)

Caught this unfortunate piece of crap film on TV the other day. I thought these types of pretentious exercises in excessive yakking and cursing went bye-bye a long time ago in film trends, but maybe I've just been staying away from any that smell remotely like this. There was not one real, true note of emotion or story in this hideous film. People don't talk like this, they don't act like this - why, people like this just don't exist - thankfully. I would have to go into hiding if the world were inhabited by stupid, self-centered, gross characters like these.
Julia Roberts - I'm not even a fan and I think this is beneath you. Oh, and Natalie Portman? Girl, please give it up - you are an embarrassment as an "actress" - even in a crass vehicle like this. Ewww. Jude Law? You are so boring, dude. The only reason I kept watching was Clive Owen - who takes cringeworthy lines and actually puts some feeling in them. Charismatic. I'll be watching you Clive.