Blah Blah Screw Blah Blah Hate Blah Blah Screw

Rating: 2/10 (3 December 2004)

Nice for this time of year, huh? I love it when Americans embrace poor British plays and attempt to turn them into films. I just have to laugh.
If I have to look at Jude Law, airbrushed to within an inch of his life, in anymore ads, I'm gonna boycott him completely. How many more failures is this man going to be allowed? There is nothing special about him besides the accent. Captain Idiot!! Barfie (alfie) and the dreaded Cold Mountain.
This crappy cake was baked in the 90s using the 80s as icing.
The whole affair is sad, the sex escapades downright insulting. I mean, come on. Jude and Clive have computer sex, and Clive doesn't know he's talking to another man. I am sorry I don't buy it. I didn't buy the storyline. We don't have other, perhaps better written stories to tell? It is not slick, chic or cool to make a movie about horrible people who will drop their pants or pull up their skirts. Note to Mike Nichols (Carnal Knowledge was fantastic for it's time) Your time is up, now. Certainly you've invested well and can retire to a small old folks home in Florida. Your last movie smelled to high heaven as well. (What Planet are you from) It also made absolutely no sense either.
The days of humor derived from who wants to screw whom are gone, dead and with it -- the bitchy queens from the 70s. That's what it all felt like to me. Four old gay guys screwing each other to Sunday and back. I don't care if one of them is Julia Roberts and the other (the worst actress in Hollywood currently -- outside of Anna Nicole Smith) one is Nat Portman.
If this is a pathetic comment on the human condition, it's message is misguided. I leave you with this -- how do you make a movie about sex without an ounce of sexiness, sensuality or allure. You don't! And if you try, you're British.
Leave this for a bored Monday when you can clean your toilet while it plays.