Pretentious, ridiculous, but saved (kind of) by the actors and photography.

Rating: 6/10 (20 September 2006)

Prior of seeing this movie I had heard every review and adjective possible about Closer. Erotic, realistic, challenging, smart, dumb, boring, exhilarating (however you spell it...), masterful or just plain beautiful. I watched the movie deciding to judge for myself, not knowing what to expect.
Closer is one of those many movies when after it has only just begun you think "not another classic love story." Sure enough there's the awaited love-at-first-sight sequence, between to beautiful people in the middle of a great big city full of strangers. But thankfully, it stops there, because we might accuse Closer of being many things, but it's neither unoriginal or boring.
I had only seen Primary Colors (excellent, especially Travolta) and Working Girl (not so excellent) from Mike Nichols before, and it was a surprise to see such an excellent photography, camera movement and just visual pleasure with so much simplicity. Continuing on the technical success, the actors are brilliant,I didn't imagine Natalie Portman this mature, and Clive Owen is a very pleasant surprise...
But that's it, nothing else to see here, because the interesting bit is over, the movie is well made, but there's nothing inside. I've seen people leave after 30 minutes, because apart from the occasional laugh (Owen especially), or the rare quote that speaks the real truth, the actors aren't enough to make us forget that this story is just plain ridiculous.
It's a romance for people who have it all wrong, guys who need to go out more, or just sex freaks. Because as much as I like sex, I don't believe perverts like these resemble the true animals inside of us. No, women don't like to be called whores, and facial ejaculation isn't common in every sexual intercourse like Roberts' character claims.
The directing is pretentious, it wants to make a glorified "art" film from he silliest screenplay ever (Hey guys, lets make an internet sex scene that goes on for 10 minutes). This is intellectual masturbation at it's finest. The screenwriter probably needs to stop dating crazy cum guzzling freaks, because that's the only thing portrayed in this "romance", love and sex are mixed in confusion, and we get to see breakups and cheating confessions. And then some more.
People claim that this movie is "so very real", to those, you either need to finally be in your first relationship, or just stop thinking sex is all that matters in one.
To those who like to watch movies just for the acting (like me), this is an interesting one, but please don't expect an ounce of emotion from the story. 7 out of 10 for those who fit in that category, 9 for the ones who need to understand a thing or two about their lives, and 5 for the rest. I give it a 6 because I'm not counting the second category.
My English may suck, but not as bad as this movie