Warning: Pretentious Chick Flick Ahead

Rating: 3/10 (13 September 2005)

Overwrought. Pretentious. Contrived. What other adjectives can I use to describe this piece of fromage?
The story was much too florid for my taste and bordered at times on the ridiculous. The plot points were inexplicable, the writing cumbersome, and I couldn't bring myself to sympathize with the characters. Moreover, the actors, whose work I usually admire and enjoy, delivered their lines with the same emotional intensity one might invest in a new pair of socks.
Closer's grand themes revolve around commitment and violation of trust, which presuppose an emotional investment on our part if the story is to hit its mark. But how are we to feel any involvement with the film when its protagonists are wholly unlikeable predators with a penchant for cruelty?
If your wife or girlfriend is pressing you to see Closer, resist. Any excuse will do, but this one's to be avoided at all cost.