Yada Yada Yada

Rating: 5/10 (24 August 2007)

When I watch a film, I hope to get one of the following out of the experience: a) be entertained, b) learn something, or c) benefit somehow spiritually. If the film provides me with two or even all three of these, all the better.
"Closer" did not provide me with any substance from any of these aforementioned areas. As far as being entertained, aside from enjoying the sight of Natalie Portman seductively writhing in lingerie, this film scored "B" for boredom. Perhaps the only thing that kept me going was the hope of more scenes of Portman scantily clad. I learned nothing I did not already know from the film. When someone cheats on their significant other, it causes irreparable pain, and is very selfish and cruel. Duh! The only spiritual benefit I received from the film was the reassurance that I wasn't as shallow. weak-willed, and depressed as the characters on the screen. OK, so maybe there was a lil' positive influence.
But seriously folks... there just was nothing intriguing or even remotely interesting about this film. Portman, Clive Owen, Julia Roberts, and Jude Law all gave fantastic performances. Unfortunately, it was talent completely wasted on a nowhere story.