Don't bother getting "Closer"

Rating: 4/10 (1 December 2004)

I saw closer on Monday. I wanted to like this movie, unfortunately I found it contrived, hard to follow, and while it has good performances and is fundamentally well acted, the characters are totally unbelievable and the dialog is ridiculous. I wanted to like this movie for many different reasons, the cast, the director, the chance to see Natalie Portman playing a stripper, but even that couldn't save this movie. This movie had to be better in its original form as a play because it's not a very good movie.
'Closer' tells the story of four strangers and their relationships. Dan and Alice (Jude Law and Natalie Portman) and Larry and Anna (Julia Roberts and Clive Owen). It begins with their instant attractions that turn into relationships, and then onto betrayal and infidelity, and back again. Set in modern day London, 'Closer' is the tale of love, love lost, honesty and relationships.
Part of the problem with this movie comes from the fact that it was originally performed on stage as a play, which was then adapted by the original playwright into the screenplay. The movie feels like it should be on a stage not on a movie screen. It has very static locations, long-winded dialog that no one who is not on stage would ever say, and a general 'this should be on Broadway feel to it. However this is not what dooms this movie, it's the unrealistic character interaction, it's the unexplained jumps through months and years of time, and it's the constant barrage of unbelievable dialog.
The movie credits itself with being an honest look at relationships, infidelity, and love but after watching this film you will ask yourself 'Why are all these people so stupid?' Everyone is cheating on everyone else and everyone loves someone else, or then again maybe they don't. All we know is that the characters are so enraptured with love one moment and then literally two minutes later they are not in love anymore, and then you guessed it, a couple minutes later they are in love again, or maybe not. One thing is for sure though they love to talk about their pain, and what better why then with long in-depth, well thought out monologues. All of the characters have really graphic conversations about sex and cheating that sound well rehearsed and thoroughly contrived.
'Closer' definitely has a few enjoyable moments or good laughs but they are few and far between. You will find yourself getting angry at the characters and the unexplained jumps in time between scenes. While the movie conveys some of the true hardships of love, the situations the characters are put in and their reactions could only happen in the movies. Unless you really want to see Natalie Portman almost naked save 'Closer' for cable.