Don't care...

Rating: 2/10 (2 December 2004)

Saw this piece of undercooked tripe last evening, very disappointing. My whole crew was nonplussed. I for one couldn't see why anyone would recommend this "movie" to anyone, a dullard's view of love and intimacy. Characters that are either paper cutouts posing as actual people or (in the case of Clive and Natalie) so damaged you could hardly stand to watch after a bit. That they hurt everyone they loved (as did Jude and Julia's characters) was actually boring by the end of the seemingly never-ending flick.
The play might be filmed outside, but it is still just a play, without the artifice of a play's staging it was confusing to tell what was happening and when.
The language was so insulting, trying to sound "adult" by describing in course and adolescent terms the basest of human physical interactions. I am not a prude, but I found the language demeaning for all involved.
Strange that I've been hearing "buzz" about this one, but as it is Julia's last potential Oscar-winning role for what is likely to be the rest of her life (she already looks more like a little old lady here than anyone her age has a right to). I think Cate Blanchet did her no favors leaving this complex role to Julia's two facial positions: anger and a sort of blank, wounded stare. She goes through some tough times. But I didn't care.
Law, who is violently over-exposed at this point, gets the short, and I mean short end of the stick. I know so little about his character by film's end that I can scarcely write about him. He is a man who uses other people over and over again. And who ultimately pays the highest price in the film. But I didn't care.
Portman's "nude" scene is a trick of the camera; she wears a beaded bikini with long tassels at one point which she removes off camera. You don't see so much as a nipple. I disliked her character, because she seemed to be more a plot point than a person. That nobody knew her or understood her was sad. But I didn't care.
Owen's character is such a sucking sound it is amazing they didn't just employ a vacuum cleaner and save the price of an actor. Manipulative, childish, vapid, dull, the gentleman playing him did a fine job making him look like the bully and jerk that his is. And I really didn't care.
Not even a bit.
This one will have you watching your watch, and if you paid for it you'll be wondering if you can get your money back. Because I doubt you'll care for these folks, or their movie.