Worst... Movie... Ever

Rating: 1/10 (26 April 2005)

Now, I know that proponents of this film are forming an opinion about what I have to say before I even say it. They're assuming that I didn't care for this film because there weren't any explosions, or there wasn't any gun-play, or because Ahhnold wasn't cast in the lead role. While I admit that my viewing preference circles around the horror/sci-if genre, the lack of violence in this film in no way contributed to my critique. In fact, when my girlfriend asked me to come see this film with her, I had quite the open mind. After all, half the film circles around sex, so what is there for a 24 year old male not to like. It was about fifteen minutes into the film, where Dan (Jude Law) and Anna (Julia Roberts) had their first encounter when I realized I had entered the ninth circle of hell.
The foundation to creating a quality film of any genre, but particularly a dramatic one, is to make the watcher believe that he is truly part of the story, that the plot could take place on nearly any street in any city in any town. With horror and science fiction films, leeway is given due to the fantastic nature of the genre, but with drama, there is very little room for error.
It is in this crucial element that the film fails miserably. It attempts to portray the gamut of human emotions, love, fear, anger, despair, that are put on display when one chooses to expose themselves to the world for the sake of the love of another. The premise is a bold one, and totally achievable, if the dialogue and plot had chosen not to get in the way and destroy it. While the actions of the characters seem believable per se, the way in which said actions are portrayed cross way over the line from dramatic into the melodramatic. The first encounter between Dan and Anna appears so rushed, so scripted, you don't believe anything that comes out of their mouths for the rest of the film. It's as if it were a poorly scripted reality T.V. show in which their true actions become overly exaggerated for the sole purpose of attempting to get a rise out of the audience. I imagine that proponents of this film also adored Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, which could have been a beautiful love story, if the plot were allowed to cultivate over 48 months, not 48 hours.
There are a few poignant places in the film where the dialogue, mostly that of Natalie Portman's character, forces one to step back and truly reflect on one's own existence, but the majority of the movie reminds me of oh so many daytime soap-operas, where the true lesson is lost amid an orgy of artificial emotions and unrealistic character development. It's truly sad to see such a bounty of super-star talent wasted on a film better suited for dish-washing housewives with nothing better to do on a Tuesday afternoon.
Kevin
P.S.
I'm sorry Julia, I still love you, even if Damien Rice can't sing.