A star studded cast darkened over by the thick veil of a woeful script.

Rating: Null/10 (6 December 2019)

Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Gemma Arterton, Alexa Davalos, Mads Mikkelsen, Nicholas Hoult, Liam Cunningham, all fail to shine in this plot-by-numbers, pave-it-over-with-cgi, movie. There is only so much fair set design, costume, and practical prosthetics can do to hide an otherwise shallow film. Especially when it's normally A list cast seem board and listless throughout. If there is one saving grace to the cast it is Gemma Arteron, in that she alone seemed to relish her role as Io, the human cursed with immortal life for refusing the advances of Zeus.
This picture has swords, it has sandals, it has revenge arcs that kind of make sense, and mythical creatures that add up if you don't ask too many questions. What it doesn't have is the grand sense of adventure that classics so normally thrive on. Large blocks of dialogue and crude plot advancement hang between set-piece action segments that frankly are un-inspired. Often we are pulled out of blade flashing fury, that is the film's meat, in an attempt to reaffirm the motivations and morals of characters, that frankly, we couldn't really care about. Too many of the the journeying ensemble just seem from the start to be plot-fodder, and every twist and turn seemed to be blatantly telegraphed.
If anything, of all the films on this site, this title probably least requires of a review. The characters are insipid, the story mundane, and the performances lacklustre. Its only surprise (other than its box office takings) is that it wasn't directed by Uwe Boll. But when all said and done; if you're home of a rainy Sunday, and this movie is on, it will while away the two hours between dinner and a sneaky pint. And whiling away time is exactly what this film was designed to do. So good in fact is this movie at whiling away time that it might just convince you to head to the pub early. If not, the 1981 version is always a classic.