The Clash is with the Original Story

Rating: 2/10 (21 April 2011)

The producers of Clash of the Titans brought the story of Perseus to a place it has never been to, then told it to get out of the car and walk home. It was definitely no more brutal than being hit in the face with a bag of bronze statues; moreover, it was more interesting than the instructions that come with a hair brush.
Fortunately, the story doesn't diverge from the original myth until a good sixty seconds in. Perseus and his mother are found in a box set to the mercy of the sea. So, what motivates Perseus to go on his famous quest to behead the Medusa and kill the sea monster? Why, revenge o' course! The gods killed his family with some sort of ship seeking death ray made out of dirt. Specifically, Hades, the evil death god, killed Perseus' family.
Forget that Hades was no more evil than any other Olympian god. The producers of Clash of the Titans felt that its target audience, retarded chimpanzees waiting out a rain storm, would be confused. Also, the original motive for Perseus adventure would've actually required over fifteen seconds to relate; too much time for today's busy, rain-fearing simian. Perseus swims away from his dead family with a hatred for all the gods, effectively silencing any fundamentalists who caught wind of the production...
Did I mention Liam Neeson plays Zeus? I'm pretty sure I didn't. He looks pretty embarrassed to be a part of the movie; it almost looks as if there is a professional negotiator, just off camera, in case the actor loses his nerve. Fortunately for Liam, after a barrage of giant scorpions, aliens(?), black Pegasus and a Perseus who looks more like a United States Marine than an ancient Greek, Zeus is pretty much forgotten.
And, the effects! A Medusa that seems to have stepped right out of Sim Life; an incongruous sea monster that belongs in a Freaky's cereal commercial (Note: Please bring Freaky's back); and, CGI death and stoning that could've definitely been produced on my son's Macintosh.
Ray Harryhausen's silly version of this movie looks like a masterpiece in comparison...