Pretty Terrible (and not Terribly Pretty either)

Rating: 1/10 (5 April 2010)

Whilst waiting for this film to come out I must admit that I nursed a growing sense of expectancy: the cast seemed strong; the original film has achieved cult status; the storyline is a classic dating back to Ancient Greece and from the trailers it looked aesthetically pleasing. In my naivety I couldn't see where Hollywood could go wrong, after all it's never let us down in the past! Right?!
With this being said, I was therefore completely taken aback when the final credits rolled on this dismal, dithering train-wreck of a film. Before I critique this film though I must warn you that there are possible spoilers below, so if you are definitely going to watch this film don't read on!
I find it difficult to know where to start with this film, I think I'll first outline the few positives: The CGI (especially of the Kraken) is very impressive, Gemma Arterton is a stone cold fox, it has a beginning, a middle and an end. There, that's just about it.
Now for the negatives: The dialogue is corny, unlovable, embarrassing to watch at times and so contrived that it actually makes you uncomfortable, the exact same can be said of Sam Worthington and pretty much every other character in this tripe. The plot seems to make no sense as the Director spends next to no time on the background to the story, things just seem to happen randomly and for no reason that you particularly care about. The action scenes are as boring and predictable as you could possibly imagine, the giant scorpions in particular had me yawning. I'm not even exaggerating.
On top of that I found myself not caring at all if the island gets destroyed at the end by the Kraken, as both Perseus and Andromeda are so bland and shallow as characters that I felt no connection with them whatsoever. The 3D is also below-par, with everything appearing blurry and unfocused, and it just seems like an unnecessary gimmick that was added on as an afterthought. The finale is also abysmal to the point of incredulity, I point to the fact that Perseus spends more time chasing down one of those Hades-bird-creatures than actually trying to kill the massive titan currently hell-bent on destroying a civilisation. I also point to the cringe-inducing "comic relief" of the scorpion, ridden by two instantly forgettable characters, helping out Perseus by killing one of the Hades-monster things.
My last point is focused at the anti-climactic defeat of the Kraken, I mean just showing it the head? Is that really all it takes? A titan which was powerful enough for Gods to fear it, being killed by a frightful stare? I know that was consistent with the original storyline but it was very disappointing all the same and you're left thinking... was that it?
This film is another black mark on the copybook that is Hollywood high budget rubbish. Clash of the Titans would fit in nicely alongside The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor and Transformers 2 as an example of how a big budget can totally ruin, instead of enhancing a cinematic experience.
Final Thoughts: Go see the formidable and wonderful How to Train Your Dragon instead of this sleazy, rambling, thoughtless, shallow, pedantic embarrassment of a film.