This movie didn't suck... It SLURPED!!!

Rating: Null/10 (17 February 2011)

Fortunately I had heard all the bad reviews prior and didn't waste my money watching this train wreck at the cinema. But I stayed at a hotel last night and there was nothing else on so i watched it on a "what the heck" kind of motivation and out of curiosity to see if I agreed with the critics. All I could say when it was over was "ugh".
So what was bad about this movie?
1. The characters. There was not one likable character in this whole movie. They were all just bland boring vacant wooden actors and most weren't in the movie long enough to even know or care what they were all about.
2. Perseus. He didn't look remotely like a Greek hero at all. He looked more like a young marine who just got out of boot camp. At least black curly haired Harry Hamlin wore a tunic but in this one, he's a shaved headed muscle head wearing a green sleeveless T Shirt. If this was a modern day war movie in the desert somewhere, he'd fit right in but not in a Greek mythological.
3. The action. This was the worst part of the movie. The action scenes were so fast paced and everything was a close up that zipped across the screen and the scenes changed every half second that you couldn't see what was going on. It not only plays with your eyes and gives you a headache but also makes you want to shout "Hold the damned camera still" at the TV.
4. Calibos. In the first movie, he was the main villain who played an integral part. In this one, he's reduced to almost a cameo. No story behind him, he's just an ugly troll who is sent by Hades to kill Perseus and is killed too fast.
5. The special effects. Way too much eye candy and CGI. The monsters looked like polished cartoons and not scary or mysterious at all. To me, visual effects are like salt. The right amount can add spice and flavor to a meal and make it more tasty. But too much can ruin it. Hollywood these days prefers the latter.
6. The story line. OK I get it. The director wanted to do a remake without following the original script by script but this one strays way too far. In the first one, Perseus' main concern is saving Andromeda from being devoured by the Kracken at the will of an angry Goddess. In this one, Perseus is out for revenge against Hades for killing his foster family. In other words, a whole different ball park.
So what you're left with is "action scene.. talking... action scene... talking... action scene... talking."
All in all, this movie was boring and lifeless and just your average run of the mill CGI saturated action film that is no different from any other one we've seen in the past 10 years. The fight scenes are all the same and you always have to have at least 3 "slow motion" scenes in every fight... you know the drill.
The only thing missing was the "walking away unaffected by the huge explosion behind you" cliché.