Zeus would not be impressed

Rating: 4/10 (1 February 2011)

This year's allotted position of 'Easter blockbuster' is covered by the simplistic visual grandeur that is Clash of the Titans, a modern-day remake of the 1981 film of the same name. Perseus, the demi-god and bastard son of Zeus embarks on a journey to thwart the Gods of Olympus and save the population of Ancient Greece from utter destruction at the hands (and tentacles) of Hades and his pet Kraken. Unlike the original, which was founded on Perseus' love for Andromeda, this version is far heavier on action and effects, inarguably sacrificing any sense of a decent script and character development in the process.
Let it be known that I will drastically limit, from this point onwards, any comparisons between the original and the remake. Rather, I would prefer to look at this as a stand-alone film. Just as irrelevant is the fact that this film isn't exactly a history lesson when it comes to the ins- and-outs of Greek mythology. For starters, I wasn't expecting utter adherence to the stories of my childhood anyway, but this has to be critiqued as if it were the first story of its kind so as to focus wholly upon the viewing experience only.
Prior expectations always form a significant part of any review, and I expected nothing more or less than exactly that which was presented to me. Excluding a decent opening scene that gives a neat synopsis of Perseus, the Gods, and their respective roles in the context of the plot, further insight into the motives and nature of any character is non-existent.
A cheesy script containing all the elements of an appeal-to-the-masses-cash-cow undertaking compounds this negative effect. Lines such as 'This is just the beginning', 'Someone's got to make a stand' and 'Only you can save them' form just a small part of the generic script, which seems to have been taken from most other blockbusters of the last five years and loosely tailored to suit Titans, failing to fool, convince or impress the rest of us.
These throwaway phrases are used to fill the gaps between one action scene and another, and the film feels needlessly rushed in this respect. Furthermore, it is proof that Titans makes no effort to inspire any feelings of audience sympathy, interest or hatred of any character, simply because they all play stock roles at a most basic level. Of course, the trade-off is that the on- screen monsters look genuinely threatening instead of the now-laughable plastic toys that 'terrorised' Argos some thirty years earlier. Having said that, there is no reason why Leterrier couldn't have implemented both a satisfactory script and boggling visuals to appease those of us in the critical community.
Pacing becomes an even greater issue during the final battle between Perseus and the Kraken. It ends in both a predictable and abrupt manner, and the closing scene wraps everything up in what can only be described as a cliché ending that can unfortunately be found in most films of this nature today.
Aside from the aforementioned problems that can be located using some sort of academic process, Titans suffers from continuity issues and anachronisms that are evident to even to most infrequent viewer. Perseus' mother transitions from having brown to blonde hair in two different instances, and I'm pretty sure lipstick didn't exist in Ancient Greece either. Most disappointing is the issue that Perseus, simply, does not sound Greek. Worthington makes no effort to lose his recognisably Australian accent, while Zeus and Apollo sound more like Braveheart extras than Gods. Master director and walking film guide Quentin Tarantino once said: 'the best directors don't adapt. They steal.' QT's statement does not ring true for Titans, which blatantly exploits plot and basic character models found in Avatar, Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings.
In closing, one shouldn't expect much more from this film than a brain-dead, popcorn- actioner. Despite this, I refuse to apply the term 'switch-off-your-brain-entertainment.' I feel the statement, by its very nature, is a cop-out used by critics to justify senseless action and overall lack of detail or effort taken in the production process. The CGI is, as always, to be praised and marvelled at, but this tale of mythology is no masterpiece.
*There's nothing I love more than a bit of feedback, good or bad. So drop me a line on jnatsis@iprimus.com.au and let me know what you thought of my review.*