Release The Crappen!

Rating: 1/10 (11 April 2010)

And once again Hollywood proves it has run out of original ideas. Why else would they remake this movie? Back in 1981, when special effects were beginning to take serious root in films, we had the original CLASH OF THE TITANS. It had some cheesy claymation mixed with some less cheesy special effects. But it did have a story. A damn good one. Sure there were action sequences, especially when Perseus (Harry Hamlin) met up with Medusa. But these action scenes were barely a few minutes long. The story of the gods, how they felt about humanity (and how humanity felt about them) dominated the storyline. Yes, there was an ACTUAL story.
Fast forward to 2010 and you get this ...this ...this mess-of-a-remake that relies almost solely on CGI and, well, basically nothing else.
The brief understanding of the god/human relationship is thrust aside in favor of action scenes galore which have squat to do with the story. There are so many throwaway characters as to be laughable. And 3-D? For marketing purposes only. Save yourself some cash and see it in 2-D ...if at all.
My son went with me to see it (he's as much of a movie junky as I am) and we both nearly fell asleep for lack of anything approaching a viable understanding of who was carrying the storyline. We still ask each other, "What was the point, again?" Sam Worthington seems to be a hot commodity in today's movie market. TERMINATOR SALVATION and AVATAR are two of his more recent accomplishment. And although I found those two to be lukewarm in terms of story, they at least kept me engaged enough not to yawn. And Liam Neeson has also been splattered all over film posters (from TAKEN to KINGDOM OF HEAVEN). But a god? And Zeus for that matter? Not the best casting choice. He just didn't have the presence I was expecting. Perhaps the story (or lack thereof) stifled his performance. Probably.
I also MUST caution women against seeing this if they enjoyed the strong roles in the 1981 original. You'll find no such comparisons here. There's really no good female character to be found. The closest was Alexa Davalos (DEFIANCE) as Perseus' love interest, Andromeda. But her role is so laughably short and misunderstood that you won't care what happens to her (and things do happen).
My final word of caution comes to those of us (all of us) struggling in today's economy. We need our escapism, and sometimes (occasionally) Hollywood allows us to have it. But not here. You might as well sit on the toilet and release the crappen!