Titans has a nationwide "sneak" preview on April Fool's Day. The joke's on us.

Rating: 3/10 (2 April 2010)

On paper, I like the concept of remaking the '81 Clash of the Titans. As a fan of classic cinema and establishing canon, I want Hollywood revisionists to avoid my babies (keep your mitts off Citizen Kane). Asking them to sign a gentleman's agreement to prohibit remakes would be impossible, so the best we can hope for is to offer a sacrifice. Thus much like princess Andromeda of this movie, we have authorized Clash of the Titans and in 3D no less.
It is a time long ago. The mighty Zeus (Liam Neeson) will not tolerate the insolence of the humans he created. If they won't love him, he'll allow the evil Hades (Ralph Fiennes) to smite their city of Argos with the powerful elemental beast The Kraken. Caught in the crossfire is Perseus (Sam Worthington), a man who finds that he's actually half god and must go on a quest to prevent the catastrophe. Aiding Perseus are an Obi-Wan Kenobi clone played by Gemma Arterton and some disposable soldiers who are unfortunately more charismatic than our hero.
What has become of screen writing? They remade a movie, that wasn't good in the first place, and with an even lazier script. Every mistake in the book is on display. Notable gaffs include, but are not limited to: having characters verbally state their emotions, calling people friends right before there are written out, portraying the gods as so imposingly powerful that it's silly to defy them, unclear objectives with perplexing stances, and Medusa is now a sympathetic rape victim.
Louis Leterrier, who's known for comparable mindless fair such as Transporter 2, directs this version. Action isn't carried out perfectly, but it's the best thing about this movie. If you were planning to see it, and this is your sole reason, you won't be dissatisfied. Most of the effects are top notch and you get plenty of them. Where things get a tad out of whack are in fight continuity. I couldn't make heads or tails out of how many giant scorpions were in the skirmish. It looked like one, because you never got a decent establishing shot that is until the battle came to a close. Also, 90% of the time, having actors look at the camera is a bad idea, it just so happens the half dozen times this occurs falls into the bad idea family. Leterrier's techniques are dated and play it safe. There isn't an ambitious moment or inventive cut, making Clash of the Titans look very similar to Troy and not a bit like 300.
I did catch it in 3D. This is the first feature to be released with 3D effects added in post- production. Despite the estimated $10 million dollar expense of this, I have to say it was money wasted (yes, I realize Warner Bros. will make it back with hiked tickets). Compared to a film that was shot with 3D cameras such as Avatar, this new process is not consistent. Scenes of dialogue don't extrude and there were some moments where a far off castle looked like a nearby painting. The ominous Kraken "pops", but at the sacrifice of resolution.
There is a cameo appearance that could garner some laughs, but Clash of the Titans needs more fun elements ala the Disney treatment that reached raving success with Pirates of the Caribbean. Without steady comic relief, it takes its absurd situation far too seriously to be much fun. Maybe there is more to this since Clash of the Titans has a nationwide "sneak" preview on April Fool's Day. The joke's on us.