The gods need us. They need our worship. What do we need of them?

Rating: 5/10 (29 April 2013)

Clash of the Titans is directed by Louis Leterrier and collectively written by Travis Beacham, Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi and Beverley Cross (1981 film version). It stars Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Jason Flemyng, Mads Mikkelsen, Liam Cunningham and Gemma Arterton. Music is by Ramin Djawadi and cinematography by Peter Menzies Jr.
Perseus (Sam Worthington) is the mortal son of Zeus (Neeson), who has to battle the hellish minions of the underworld to stop them from conquering the Earth and the heavens.
There's a lot of fondness for the original 1981 version, which while understandable, and it features the considerable talents of effects maestro Ray Harryhausen, it is hardly a great picture anyway. So with that in mind it didn't seem such a bad idea to remake it with all the current advancements in special effects to hand. Then there is a pretty great roll call of actors filing in to star in it, while for fans of 3D that was also an option to potentially savour. How come, then? It ended up such a big dull dud?
The blame for that falls at the door of the writers, who come up with an unadventurous story. Film's trajectory basically sees Worthington and his band of grumpy men set off to kill The Kraken, where they of course stop off a couple of times to slay some hellish nasties. It's all very muscular with slice and dice and shouting, but the trouble is is that this band of not very merry man just don't look or act the part, especially Worthington, who still looks like the grunt from Avatar. While dangling hair extensions on and applying make-up to the others doesn't make them underworld warriors, it's still Cunningham with a weird accent - Neeson in spangly costume - Flemyng being Flemyng - and Nicholas Hoult being in the wrong movie.
The effects work is very hit and miss. Giant scorpions score well and provide one of the high action points, even if you will struggle to see who is actually being killed in the ensuing mêlée and the winged horse segments are beautifully done. But on the flip-side is the awful Medussa footage (Russian supermodel Natalia Vodianova donning the snake wig) and the 3D moments just feel like tagged on gimmicks (oh wait, they are). Dialogue is often served with a helping of Brie, and come the finale you will wonder what exactly was the mission about in the first place? In fact was it ever made clear? I'm not sure, such was the waft of tepidness that cloaked my brain.
It plays like a video game and is badly written, while costuming never once convinces. Were it not for some fun to be had with Fiennes as Hades and the slice and dice machismo, this would be a total write off and no sequel would follow... 5/10