What did I not get about this god-awful movie?

Rating: 2/10 (28 January 2007)

I can't believe the great reviews that this movie has gotten. People must just be infatuated with Alfonso Cuaron's innovative and excellent directing. Unfortunately, it was hard for me to really appreciate the direction of a story that just didn't make ANY sense.
If you saw the trailer or read a review, you know one of the major components of the story going in--there has not been a human birth for 18 years because all (and just?) women on Earth have become infertile. OK, fine, hard to fathom, but certainly an interesting premise. The entire context of the rest of the story goes completely downhill from here.
For some reason, the infertility issue has caused a near-total collapse of most of civilization. That makes some sense. Not having any children in the world would certainly cause a pretty dramatic ripple effect on the world's economy and collective psyche. However, while the rest of the world is going to hell in hand basket, for some completely unexplained (and barely noted) reason, Great Britain is the only country that is still functioning (for the most part, at least). This means that everyone else in the world wants to move there. So, to deal with the massive influx of new immigrants, Britain reacts with draconian anti-immigration laws and refugee camps.
Now we are introduced to the dramatic miracle of a pregnant Kee. An immigration rights terrorist group somehow learns about her and manages to keep this pregnancy a secret (in an era where there are presumably even more cameras, media, etc. than there are in 2007, if that's even possible). Their apparent goal is to get Kee safely in the hands of a mysterious and ambiguous group called "The Human Project," which is apparently a group of world-renowned doctors, scientists, and experts that are working to find an answer and cure to the infertility epidemic. Even though the rest of the world is on the verge of complete societal collapse, The Human Project is for some reason not located in the last bastion of civilization (Britain), so Kee and Theo have to get off the island. In another complete lapse of logic, she needs illegally-acquired papers to LEAVE Britain. It's never explained why the ferociously anti-immigration British government would have any problem just letting an illegal immigrant leave if he or she wanted to. (Isn't that what they want the illegals to do? Leave??) So, anyway, most of the movie is Kee and Theo trying to get her out of Britain. It's filled with compelling and gritty action sequences, and plenty of ridiculous and illogical bits of "story." For example, Kee has her baby before she can get off the island. As she and Theo try to escape a besieged refugee camp building, people (terrorist/rebel refugees, innocent bystanders, and the British army) hear and see the baby she holds in her arms. They stare in shock and amazement at this miracle in their midst, but as soon as Kee and Theo get out among the British soldiers, everyone goes back to fighting immediately and Kee and Theo run away. You're telling me that no one (like the senior British army officer there) would be very interested in stopping them and protecting this miracle child? They would really just let them keep going? This movie is just filled with complete lapses of logic and coherence. I spent most of the time sitting there just trying to make any sense of the story I was being presented. And despite Cuaron's expert direction, that's why you go to a movie--to see a good story. "Children of Men" just doesn't have one. It's an intriguing premise that never goes anywhere.