Terrible movie-making around a lacking story

Rating: 1/10 (4 June 2007)

I just finished viewing Children of Men which is said to be a thought provoking and intelligent movie that received nothing but praise from just about anyone who has seen it.
Disappointment is not the most accurate term to describe my feelings while and after viewing it. So let me just sum up this movie for you: The world is in utter chaos, for some unexplained reason all women are infertile, no children have been born in roughly 20 years. One woman miraculously gets pregnant for evenly unknown reasons. For yet again unknown reasons she is being chased down by various parties who seem to enjoy shooting automatic weapons at her. The baby is born and with the aid of a guy she makes it to some boat and Hooray! the world is savedintelligent stuff ey?
Well, if this is mankind's solution to end all the worlds misery then I got a great idea. Let's send babies to all the troubled regions of the world. We can drop them by parachute from airplanes called 'Tomorrow' and I'm sure the senseless violence will immediately stop. We will wrap the babies in flyers with incredible thought provoking slogans like: "all governments are bad" and "Life's like a box of chocolates".
And when the turmoil is over, we can send Alfonso Cueron to those regions to make action-packed chase movies out of local literature with profound religious overtones. He can start with the Bible and have Mary and baby Jezus being chased down by all the other characters in the Holy Book carrying heavy artillery while they are being aided by a young Judas.
In these movies we will see an even more realistic hand-held cam imagery than what CoM had to offer us. One of them can feature an unexplained global outbreak of a virus which causes diarrhea that will make key figures in the movie take endless dumps on toilets with dung-splatter on the camera-lens. The splatter will be handsomely edited out later on, for it is more important to handle the style than any real content. God forbid it wouldn't be an uninterrupted long-shot.
The movies will all be without closure and will all go black at the end emblazing the title of the movie onto the screen while in the distance we can hear Axl Rose vaguely doing a Bob Dylan cover which will later be explained by vivid fans of the movie that there is probably a new G 'n R album coming out.
The movies will all have cameo's of top local actors. The actors are all unceremonially killed off early in the film to save budget. Then 30% of the remaining budget will go into the cinematography and what remains is quickly wired to professional movie critics so say something really nice about the production.
Children of (wo)Men, Soon in a dumpster near you!