Worth at least one look

Rating: 6/10 (21 July 2005)

First off, let me just point out the following: 1. I have never read the book. 2. I have never watched Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in its entirety.
If you're finished picking your bottom lip up off the ground then we can continue. Why does everybody act so shocked when I reveal I have never watched the original Willy Wonka from start to finish? People act like I've deliberately sinned in the literal presence of God when I tell them this, as if I've back-handed Him and boasted, "There's more where that came from, old man." Come on, people, don't look so shocked. The movie wasn't THAT big of a hit ($4 million at the box office). Granted, it's a popular kid's movie, but still. The good news is that I can offer you a completely unbiased opinion.
I have to admit that I wasn't exactly peeing my pants to see this movie. And if I *had* been peeing my pants just to see a movie then it would've probably been in my best interest to seek medical help. But the trailer gave me no desire to see it. The main problem in my mind was Willy Wonka just looked too goofy. The fact that he made me think of Michael Jackson didn't help. Despite the ruling of twelve jurors, I still wouldn't trust the guy to own a chocolate factory and invite kids to it. So admittedly, I went into the movie with the expectations of Tom Cruise at an amusement park with height restrictions - hope for the best but expect the worst.
"All right, Johnny, if you're done being cute can you please tell us if the movie far exceeded your expectations?" Well, it's a'ight, but I'd say "far exceeded" is a bit much. Visually the movie looks great, the storytelling is smooth and presents an interesting morality tale, Freddie Highmore is quite good as Charlie Bucket (the only non-annoying kid in the movie), and the chocolate world looks realistic enough that I was seriously craving candy while watching it.
But on the flip side, the movie ran a little slow in parts, Willy Wonka had a tendency to be too weird for what seemed like the sake of just being weird, and I didn't care for the Oompa Loompas. After being told that the Oompa Loompas were creepy, I was quite disappointed. They're about as scary as being attacked by a bat-wielding midget in a gunfight. I know that probably doesn't make much sense to you, and I'm sure that may sound freaky, but if you've ever been in the situation then you'd really know. Oh you'd know.
It's a mildly entertaining flick, but I really have no need to see it again. It neither captivated me nor enraged me to such a degree that I feel compelled to convince you one way or another on whether you should see it.
I will point out that Stephanie and my cousin Nicholas are both fans of the original, and they both agree that it's better than this remake. Stephanie's main complaint was that all of the Oompa Loompa songs are different and nowhere near as good as the originals. They definitely tried to jazz things up a bit, but I found it annoying that some of the lyrics are hard to understand. When you're singing lyrics about why each of the kids is bad then that's part of the storytelling, and I shouldn't be forced to strain my ears to hear.
But what I really want to know is why people think Johnny Depp running into glass and falling down is so funny? It happens twice and the audience howled with laughter each time while I sat there stone-faced. I can only imagine how hard everybody would've laughed if Willy Wonka had farted and fell down at the same time.
THE GIST:
Go with your instinct. Are you dying to see it? Well, if you're actually dying to see this movie then you should probably go see a doctor. No movie should bring near death upon anybody. But once you find some treatment then it's probably worth it to you to check out. I know the people at the screening I attended loved it. So be it. But if the trailer does nothing to intrigue you, and if you didn't even like the original, then save your money. This is one of those movies I'd personally wait to make a rental or catch on TV.