Not as intellectual as the original

Rating: 3/10 (5 February 2006)

If you have already seen the 1971 classic, I believe you will hate this version. Tim Burton has taken a children's story and produced just that: a children's story. But those of you familiar with the original Willie Wonka will agree that it was really a very adult movie, full of Shakespeare (mis)quotes, subtle references to Rachmaninoff (which was actually Mozart! heh heh) and of course the infamous chicken decapitation. You'll get none of that here. Instead you'll get a lot of CGI special effects, some slapstick gags and a few showtunes. You know, stuff that the kids might enjoy.
You will invariably find yourself comparing Johnny Depp to Gene Wilder, and I must say--even though Johnny Depp may be the finest actor of his generation--he's no Gene Wilder. In fact in this role I'd say he laid a rotten egg. In his efforts to portray a squeaky-clean, plastic caricature of a human, he went too far and sacrificed character development. We care nothing for the new Willie Wonka, for he is not even human any more than Michael Jackson is (and what's with the annoying Teletubbies voice he uses?). Beyond that, the mediocre dialogue and weak jokes aren't enough to carry our interest further.
For me, though, the worst part of the movie was something many people may overlook. The music was awful! Danny Elfman, who wrote the classic tunes for "Nightmare Before Christmas" as well as the playful "Peewee Herman" soundtrack and the majestic orchestration for "Batman", has churned out an utter flop for this film. The musical numbers are embarrassingly silly with lyrics that are as predictable as they are stupid. And his attempts at writing grunge and techno are just... well... bad. I would prefer 90 minutes of "Cheer Up Charlie" to this lame stuff.
Am I glad I saw this film? No. Do I wish I had the last 2 hours of my life back? Yes. But if some good has come of this disappointing experience, it's that I now appreciate the original even more. Tim Burton, if you're listening... please, no more remakes! I though you had learned your lesson with Planet of the Apes.