Johnny Depp sounds like Michael Jackson, looks like Geena Davis

Rating: 4/10 (2 August 2005)

The first film to be based on the book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory lives so strong in peoples minds that comparisons are unavoidable. The book isn't actually very long, and the setting (ie The Factory) is so static that scenarios are replayed identically, but not as well.
The film is badly constructed and badly edited throughout - the whole opening sequence is cliché and uninspired. The section where the visitors first enter the factory and wander up the shrinking hallway is poorly handled. One minute they're at one end, the next by a tiny door. No middle ground. No "is this hallway getting smaller?" moment. And no-one bats an eyelid when they get there. There's a problem with people's reactions to events throughout the entire film. As the dreadful dullards get knobbled off during the factory visits, their parents appear not to care less. 'Oh dear, Augustus has just gone up a shoot, where do I fetch him?'. And zooming about in the Great Glass Elevator didn't faze the characters one bit.
The film does very little to improve on the originals visuals. I was expecting great things from Burton's factory setting, but I gasped when we eventually got there - it looked exactly the same as it did in 1971! Slightly more colourful, perhaps - but no imagination had gone into the design whatsoever. Same with the chocolate river boat ride. 5 minutes of swooshing about hither and thither will never replace the truly disturbing visuals the original enforced upon the boat occupants; especially the chicken decapitation.
Helen BC's teeth - what's that all about? The acting is uniformly bad. The kids are dreadful. There must be thousands of pretentious pre-teen moppets who could play pretentious pre-teen moppets, but the girl cast as Veruca Salt is flat and lifeless.
I liked the Oompas, and thought there songs sounded great (Dahl wrote the lyrics as part of the story, so there's really no getting away from musical numbers) except, I couldn't hear the lyrics. If you're gonna have songs, let's hear them! I couldn't believe that David Kelly (Grandpa Joe) was still alive, and I though he might peg out on screen. Thankfully (?) he wasn't given very much to do.
Can someone with a better memory for the book confirm for me that there is a soppy side story involving Willy Wonkas estranged dentist father uprooting his terraced house to the Yorkshire moors, with Charlie acting as the catalyst for their emotional (read: vomit-inducing) reunion? I just don't remember it - or else I blocked its insipidness out of my mind.
Where is the film supposed to be set? It looked like England, but there was a lot of talk of dollars, and candy and band-aids.... the generic-euro setting of the first film is much better handled.
All in all a wasted opportunity.