a "bitter, tasteless confection"

Rating: 5/10 (21 July 2005)

Saturday afternoon I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, a movie I'd been anticipating for about 2 years, since I first heard that Tim Burton was doing the remake. The first half an hour of the film wasn't bad, especially the opening credits scene, with the operation of the efficient machine arms stressing the factory's icy impersonality. I've always found automated factory machines working perfectly in sync to possess a kind cruel, sublime beauty--cruel and sublime because of the ugliness and soullessness inherent in the lack of human involvement, but spectacular and impressive nonetheless. At any rate, after those few initial scenes, I feel that the movie went quickly downhill, beginning at about the appearance of Wonka. This was no coincidence, as the portrayal of the character pretty much ruined the film for me. I have tons of respect and admiration for Johnny Depp, but I think he missed the mark here. His awkwardness felt forced or poorly conceived at many points. I just didn't buy this Willy Wonka; it didn't work for me. He seemed soulless, lacking true vitality. Maybe Depp wasn't the right choice to play him-- I don't know. Perhaps a Jim Carrey somewhat in the vein of Ace Ventura or The Mask would have been more convincing. I don't know. Marilyn Manson definitely would have been interesting, though I know nothing about his ability to act. But I don't place total blame on Depp, I think there were a lot of questionable directorial decisions behind the character that really doomed the movie from the outset. The "p-p-parents" phobia was an invention of this film, and one that I just didn't buy or understand the need for.
The ending of the film also annoyed me. Too cheesy and warm for a Tim Burton movie, a movie that spent most of its running time basking in the "darkness" of its take on the Chocolate Factory story. Also, the moral of Burton's story was way too spelled out, way too obvious. Come on, give the movie-goer some credit. But the real problem here was that Wonka's embracing of his father and conversion to "family values" was far too abrupt. There wasn't really any believable impetus for Wonka to suddenly change his stubborn, long-reclusive ways. I was also waiting for the elevator scene, with Charlie and his grandfather burping their way from annihilation, but it was most notably absent. I also thought it was a questionable decision to show the kids exiting the factory, especially Veruca Salt, who got off way too easy, shown with just a bunch of garbage on her. In this way the original film was much darker, leaving the kids' fate to the imagination of the audience.
The most poorly executed aspect of the film was the Oompa Loompas. Or the Oompa Loompa, rather, as they were all played by one guy whose height varied throughout the film. If you want to make the Oompa Loompa one foot tall, that's fine, if you want to make it three feet tall, that's fine too, but don't be inconsistent about it. At times, these glaring inconsistencies were apparent from one shot to the next. As a result, I found the Ooompa Loompas disorienting, distracting, and most of all, not believable. I'd also call it unprofessional. I can't believe that after years of production and round after round of editing, this was found acceptable and allowed to pass, especially for a film so clearly taken with its own aesthetics (if you watch carefully, you will also notice that when they are rowing the seahorse boat, the amount of Oompa Loompas in the boat varies during different shots--at times the boat is about 2/3 full with Oompa Loompas, at other points it is completely filled with them except for the portion of the boat where Willy, the kids, and their guests are sitting. A trivial error, but again, I don't understand how it gets past rounds of editing when I, a lowly movie patron, notice in on first watch). At any rate, I figure it's better to have weirdly painted, freaky little midgets like the original film than this movie's identical but shape-shifting rendition. I think the decision to have only one Oompa Loompa was a mistake, also; I didn't get the impression that there was an entire tribe working for Wonka. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention how much the Oompa Loompas' song and dance sucked. Annoying, distracting, non-catchy songs, and stupid movements that I could have choreographed myself. The one aspect of the Oompa Loompas that I did like was the entertaining back story the film gave them. Other such aspects of the film that I did enjoy (but were not nearly crucial enough to save it for me) include the 2001 references and subtle Edward Scissorhands shots.
Those are only a few of my many objections to this movie. I could go on and on...but enough of being a critic for now. Obviously, I feel rather strongly about this movie, and that is because I love both the original book and movie, and still felt that this remake had great potential with Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and, of course, a can't miss storyline. However, I will take Roald Dahl's book or Gene Wilder's performance over this botched mess any day.