Durably charmless

Rating: 4/10 (16 October 2009)

Although Gene Wilder's Willie in 1971 was genuinely creepy, Johnny Depp's is pretty skin-crawly itself, coming very close to a Michael Jackson impersonation in this tale of a fabulously wealthy Peter Pan entranced by his childlike dream of sweet-tooth omnipotence. At one point, one of his child-victims asks, "Why is everything so pointless?" Yeah.
But then again, maybe it's not so pointless; maybe it's more of the tired, piddly indoctrination Hollywood loves to run on us. It has all of that community's favorite villain/stereotypes (and love/hate obsessions): Germans, blonde Southern women and avaricious WASPs. Even that ol' bugaboo - the American military - is represented by the preteen video-game abuser.
Director Burton needs to retire the "dark holiday" motif, at least, find better music than the tinkly, minor-key monotony here. And speaking of dull, why don't the characters show at least a little wonder at rivers of chocolate and fantastical machines? To a person, they react to Wonka's wonderland as if they're shopping for shoelaces.
This is for people who truly hate children, and prefer them, as W.C. Fields opined, "properly cooked." Not sure what the message is (unless tormenting "mean" kids IS it), although I kinda liked Deep Roy as the Oompa-Loompa multitudes. And the cast, including the amazing Depp (who based his character, evidently, on Carol Channing) is first-rate.