EXTRA! EXTRA! Tim Burton makes chocolate covered piece of crap!!

Rating: 2/10 (21 July 2005)

Witness me as I take this solemn vow: I hereby swear not to take my children to a theater and expose them to brainless pointless heartless bastardized rehashments of things I once held dear and loved, and have passes on to them in its original form to love as I have thus lining the pockets of talentless filmmakers and the Hollywood crap factories they work for thus promoting the demand for more of said substandard and unnecessary remakes.
Well Well Well. Not much to be said that hasn't been said already. First of all, Tim Burton Hasn't made a good movie since Ed Wood in 1994, and I don't foresee him ever returning to his original form. The preview for "Corpse Bride" that accompanies Wonka just proves that. It promises to be just a rehashing of The nightmare before Christmas. The first 20 minutes or so of this movie did have promise, especially David Kelly's performance as grandpa Joe. I know everyone will be comparing this movie more to the 1971 original adaptation rather than the book, but I cant help it. The Original was timeless, this version is extremely dated (note the hip-hopped up versions of the oompa loompa songs) the Wolper film might have strayed from the novel by adding in new songs and removing Charlie's father (Dahl himself suggested this), but it didn't invent and entire subplot such as Wonka's estranged father. The film is like someones dissertation of the story, attempting to dissect the character and explain his origins, something Dahl would have never done. The film was poorly directed, relying heavily on CGI effects. As pretty as they were they did nothing to enhance the story. When I first saw Augustus, I couldn't decide weather HE was a CGI effect or an actual actor. In fact, all the kids in this movie have a sort of eerie "plastinated" effect, they don't look human, Like they stepped out of the Mutter museum. My biggest problem came from Johnny Depps performance. He may be slightly more true to the character in the novel, But Gene Wilder definitely played the part better. Wilder's Wonka was subtle, sardonic, romantic, evoking Shakespeare, Keats, and Oscar Wilde. Depp appears to be on dope. If Burton wanted a wonka that sounded and acted like Dave Foley from the Kids in the Hall, he should have cast he became totally obnoxious after only a few minutes on screen, and from then on it was almost painful to watch. Sad. what do you expect? This is by far the worst summer for "movies" in my memory. Is is any mystery why attendance is dropping off in theaters? when 7 out of 10 movies are remakes and 10 out of 10 are terrible, why not save 50 bucks and head to the video store. May I suggest David Wolper's 1971 classic "willy wonka and the chocolate factory" starring the incomperable Gene Wilder in the title role? your welcome.