Charlie and the Chocolate Bomb

Rating: 3/10 (16 July 2005)

What a freakin' creepy movie! Okay, so some might think that the first one was kind of creepy. Personally, I do not think so, but I am willing to accept this idea. What I am not willing to accept is that this movie was in anyway a decent movie. All the jokes seemed to die right at the punch line. None of the points of the book are carried through to the movie. Instead, all we got was a 2 hour barage of bad jokes, creepy looks and depressing story lines. It was clearly a Tim Burton movie....dark, witless humor and feigned emotion. Willie Wonka, rather than being this insanely happy chocolate maker is only an adult with a broken childhood. Charlie did play that typical role, and I did like the change of the Mike TV's character. But the particulars of the movie were really ridiculous. So Feruka wants an ordinary animal, no golden duck (I don't consider this to be a spoiler) and gets all fussy about that? No, that can't be right. This little girl is spoiled, and she is entirely too spoiled to want something as common and vulgar as a rodent, no matter how well it can shell nuts. The oompas, while true to the characters in the book, go off on these extremely lame songs (lame even compared to the original) and the whole movie just seems to lead up to Charlie being the only one left, which wasn't the point. If anyone remembers the book or the original movie, the point was that Charlie was such a good boy in his actions that he deserved to be rewarded so. A big part of this plot line had to do mainly with the fact that Willie Wonka hired Slugworth to test the true nature of the children that were entering the factory. I won't say what they do instead but this point of the story was sorely lacking. So from now on, any remake that Hollywood does of a genuinely good classic I will recognize as being pointless, promotional crap. Seriously, movies need to stop being nothing more than mindless dribble. (Aside: How many inconsistencies did you find in the movie? I found 10 then ran out of fingers.) Its just a shame that writers get paid for this low caliber of writing when there are people that are clearly capable of doing a decent job.