Scrum-Diddly-Noxious!

Rating: 2/10 (25 August 2006)

After his "Planet Of The Apes" 'reimagining', I didn't think Tim Burton could do any worse. Perhaps he might try to redeem himself by taking on smaller, more personal films like he used to. Or at least if he would again tackle larger films, inject them with the same twisted whimsy that made his early films so memorable. Boy was I wrong. The moment "Charlie And The Chocolate Factory" started I knew I was in for a soulless, uninspired mountain of drivel. From the heavy oompah-pounding and oh-so eerie choir that Danny Elfman has used ad nauseam, to the moderately quirky visuals that Burton seems to be comfortable with (he must have forgotten the wonderful art direction from "Beetlejuice" or "Edward Scissorhands"), to Johnny Depp's mediocre portrayal of Willy Wonka, everything about this shameful mess was wrong. Was Burton trying to stick close to the book while injecting it with small references to the Mel Stuart film? Maybe he was trying to do the opposite, redoing the film while here and there tucking in a nod to the Roald Dahl book. Whatever he was trying, he failed, miserably. There is none of the charm or lightheartedness from the Mel Stuart version, none of the smart, dark sarcasm from the Roald Dahl story. Instead there was just a flat story, flat acting, and a flat musical score. I didn't care about a single character, least of all Charlie. The subplot of Willy Wonka and his father added nothing at all. In fact, it removed all the mystery from the Wonka character, leaving us with an unfulfilled man-child who had to fill the void of a loveless relationship with a love of candy. Is this supposed to be a moral of some sort? If so, then Tim Burton should follow his own lesson: cramming the screen with creepy giggling and screaming visuals does not make for a reimagined piece of genius. It makes for a flavorless gobstopper that is indeed everlasting.