Very bad movie...don't waste your money.

Rating: 1/10 (25 July 2005)

Tim Burton's genius only goes so far. When I first heard of this remake (or not if you believe what they say), I thought to myself, "Why would anyone want to mess with an absolute CLASSIC?" Attention all movie producers/directors: LEAVE THE CLASSICS ALONE! Johnny Depp is a pasty/ghoulish/creepy Michael Jackson look alike...there could not have been a worse choice for the role of Willy Wonka. I believe Burton's love of Depp has unfortunately biased his judgment...yes, Depp is a good actor. But that does not mean he is right for every role.
The attempts at humor were just that - for there was nothing funny here. My theater was filled with adults and kids and after each joke you could hear the crickets chirping. I heard one person wonder out loud, "Was that supposed to be funny?" The music, although updated for today's kids, was so loud and obnoxious you couldn't hear most of the words of the Oompa Loompas, which were, BTW, a total disaster. One guy cloned? Oh, come on. Use CG only when you need it.
The characters had no depth, the acting wasn't so great, and damn...I just can't get over what a bad job Johnny Depp was at being Willy Wonka.
I've never read the book so I don't know how close this movie related, but I was expecting to hear "the schnazzberries taste like schnazzberries". It's a part of our vernacular (ref. the first ten minutes of 'Super Troopers'). What a disappointment to not have this in the movie.
Now that I've thought more about it, holy cow it was bad. I mean it physically hurt to sit through this movie.
Tim, The Nightmare Before Christmas is where your genius shined. Stick to those kinds of movies...and you'll be fine (you'll be happy to know I do plan to see "The Corpse Bride").
Hey, Depp, you're now typecast as a drunken pirate. Please don't do anything else but that.
Gene, sleep well knowing you'll never be replaced as Willy Wonka.
And for the last time, folks, LEAVE THE CLASSICS ALONE.