What was the point

Rating: 3/10 (7 May 2006)

When I first saw that a new rendition of Willy Wonka was coming out I was somewhat hopeful for a new and improved rendition. However, I was also skeptical of how (and why) you could improve upon such a unique masterpiece as the first.
Finally, after months of slow somewhat conscious but mostly unconscious personal and psychological preparedness to subject myself to this unknown feature of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I sat down just last night and viewed this improved (I assume improved being that there really should be no other reason to re-make a movie unless it is going to be just as good if not better than the original) version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
OK, if you haven't seen the first one you must see it. If not, then I'm sorry, because you simply won't know what you could have had in comparison.
First off, the character of Willy Wonka was boiled down from the dynamic and eccentric character of the original Willy Wonka, played by Gene Wilder, who was convincingly the genius behind the wonderful world of the chocolate factory, into a girlish speaking imbecile. I can't say for certain how much creative license Johnny Depp had behind the lines he spoke in the movie, but for his sake, I hope he was forced to read verbatim. The lines spoken were fully transparent and lacked the dynamic cleverness of the original. It was as though whoever it was that modified the screen play was too confused (and perhaps frightened) by the intellectual jungle gym of the original movie so it had to be watered down to something that could be more appropriately understood by a five year old. This modification in the lines spoken and the overall character of Willy Wonka was a grave injustice to the original and reduced/undermined the viability of this being an improved rendition tenfold. Lastly, never did I feel I needed a background on where the Oompa Loompas came from nor did I need to know that Willy Wonka had a troubled past that he would frequently flash back on.
The Oompa Loompas were a sorry mix of computer generated Brittany Spears wanna be's. Their songs were horrid pieces of writing and composition. Their clothing was comparable to anything you would find on late night video - all flash and no show. And they lacked the riddles of the original. The songs told a story, which is far better for the viewer than riddles, right? I mean, who would want to have to think through a riddle while watching a movie? WRONG. The riddles the Oompla Loompas created in their songs in the original were part of what made the movie what it was- 3 parts Gene Wilder, 3 parts Oompa Loompas, and 10 parts awesome.
The boat ride in the original was an event that transported you to a hypnotic realm of Gene Wilder's singing and of colors, fear, and so much else. It was a memorable moment that made up a full section of the movie in and of itself. You literally felt as though you were transported during the boat ride and the range of thought, emotion, and imagination was huge. In contrast, in this new rendition it was simply a boat cruising somewhat out of control down a chocolate river - nothing more, apart from a couple of attempts towards cleverness, one being a highly confusing riddle.... hmmm, let's think about this... a cow being whipped? What could that be? In case we didn't understand it, Charlie gave us the answer with Whipped Cream. But to elaborate, Willy Wonka had to explain that whipped cream could not be whipped cream if it had not actually been whipped. Whew, thanks, I needed that - I was really confused before the explanation. The notion of a tautological argument still confuses me. NOT. Oh wait, but I get it, it is a pun, OMG - get it? .. whipped, there is more than one way to use the term. WOW!!!
Lastly, Charlie never had fallen into any mischief as had happened in the original movie. Nor had Willy Wonka played the final test on Charlie.... I suppose in our society such a dynamic act and test of character is actually manipulative and dishonest and generally unliked and should have been eliminated all together, which it was. But, Willy came to terms with his troubled past and found some closure.
Granted, of all else that was watered down, it seemed that the whole thing was enhanced computer graphics with particular attention to lighting (wow!!! all of which was truly amazing, because that was exactly what was missing from the first. NOT.) The result of all the watering down of riddles, intellectualism, characterizations, and with the lights turned down a notch with some angles other than overhead, along with some added CG, is a horrid rendition of a movie that didn't need fixing.