Warning! this review contains spoilers

Rating: 1/10 (30 July 2005)

As a fan of the original i was already a bit biased towards how the new one would be, but nonetheless i thought id give it a shot, what with the new war of the worlds being so damn good. To start Johnny Depps Wonka to start with was just creepy, but not creepy in a Gene Wilders Wonka kinda way, not even creepy in a Michael Jackson way, this guy must've been related to Charlie Manson or Ted Bundy. Firstly he hates parents can't even say the word without retching, thought fair enough as we're treated to his past with his abuse father. But then you realise he hates children too. Well thats just stupid, why invite 5 kids to come to your factory with the aim of giving one the factory if you don't like them, IE snapping at mike teavee for mumbling. Hey thats the play-station generation matey. the Oompa Loompas were just atrocious, or rather one oompa loompa made to look like hundreds with the help of cgi. There songs were bland and rubbish, like something out of a spice girls concert. Plus you couldn't really understand them anyway. Everything seemed rushed, mainly the part where they go off and eat from the main part of the factory, it was a bit like supermarket sweep, like right you've got 2 minutes go grab what you can GO! Oops Augustus seems to have fallen into the chocolate river, oh well onward ho. And thats pretty much it for the most part, there goes another kid. By the end only Charlie's left, who didn't have much of a part in it anyway, he kinda just spend the whole time asking Wonka about his past, causing flashbacks. By this time Wonka it's like oh you're the only kid left i suppose you can help run the factory (notice this time he doesn't give him the factory, no he wants charlie to come up with new ideas as he obviously has lot his touch, doesn't want charlie's family coming in either. Probably so he can squeeze some slave labour out of it, i bet charlie ain't even on the minimum wage) Which is a thing he didn't really seem to care who got the factory this time, why didn't he put a job advert in the local job centre, would've saved a lot of time. Overall this film is like Edward Scissorhands without hands, nothing really of interest to grab you, no heart no emotion, no feel good factor. Proof that using CGI wont save a dire film.