Glacial

Rating: 1/10 (12 October 2008)

I saw "Chariots of Fire" just after it won the Academy Award for Best Picture. This viewing was in a big-screen theater, the way movies should be judged. All the Oscar hype was fresh in the minds of the public when we decided to check it out. I should have known something was wrong when we walked into the theater and most of the seats were empty. But we had paid our money, and decided to see what the movie was like. Is there one word that can describe dreary deadly dull movies? One reviewer said that watching grass grow was more exciting. He gave you a good analogy and he was certainly correct. Watching paint dry would be immensely fun compared to watching this drivel. This movie easily fits into a category of top 10 worst movies of all time. My one-word description would be glacial. The movie stars Ben Cross who has had the sort of career you can best describe as unnoticed. As I am writing this review, one of his more recent dreary films, a D-grade flick called "Wicked Little Things" is playing in the background and was the trigger that inspired me to look up the old "Chariots of Fire" film, and to see the path of Cross's career. IMDb reviews are wonderful because they allow freedom of expression about films, but there is a disturbing tendency among reviewers to be sheep-like in their descriptions. If a film is perceived as good, because it wins some awards, then almost everyone who chooses to write about it will follow the leader. Similarly, movies that are perceived as bad, such as the many made-for-TV movies produced by the Sci-Fi channel, will be described as trash. In the reviews, it is astounding to me that anyone could describe "Chariots of Fire" as anything other than what it is: boring and deadly dull. Going back to my first viewing, everyone who was in that theater the night we saw it got up and left before it was over. After two of the most interminable hours of my life, the theater was empty except for us. We were determined to see it to the end, and we did, but I have never been so grateful as I was that night when the closing credits finally scrolled across the screen. Can I recommend this film to anyone? Not if entertainment is your goal. As one other reviewer said, perhaps if you are an insomniac and in need of a sleep-aid, you might want to consider it. Remember, I did give it a one-word description: glacial.