beautiful to look at, weak clichÃ©d story

Rating: 2/10 (6 September 2010)

I give Centurion 2 points for the beauty of the landscapes. The rest of the movie is rubbish. It's not as bad as "King Arthur" - which was dire, but...where was the story? Where was the characterization? Where was anything at all? So much great material and nothing satisfying done with it. The Picts. I mean, the Picts! What a great source for a movie, but what was done with it? ClichÃ©, clichÃ© and more clichÃ©; the number one rule of story telling: avoid clichÃ©, but this we are given in bucket loads. Could have been a great historical movie of the clash of cultures; but all we got was clichÃ©d crap. Ridiculous warrior women who slaughter well-trained Roman generals and their soldiers: patronizing and stupid, so PC and so clichÃ©d these days. And the beautiful bint who lives alone in a hut; so beautiful she should be on the cover of Vogue, living alone in 117AD as a 'witch'? Oh, please, when will movie-makers ever do anything different, original and true to history? I've lost it when it comes to truth in historical movies...do movie makers truly believe their audiences want to be layered with clichÃ© and corny love stories that go nowhere, and come from nowhere, and are just not needed? DO they think we're all so shallow that all we really want in a movie is pap and the token tart to scrub up the filthy men? I LOVE filthy men and I don't need the token tart with the batting eyelids to make it good for me. It's good for me when the token tart isn't there at all, or if she is, she's more true to life than the scrubbed-up flossy babe who doesn't even have any dirt on her face or on her hands.
But still, as everyone else has posted about "Centurion" in plot summaries, I will here just say a few historical things about it instead: Firstly, The Picts were NOT SCOTS, OK guy who made this movie? The Picts were British Celts who spoke a dialect of Brythonic; British P-Celtic, related to Welsh. Didn't you do any historical research before you made this film, film-maker guy? What, you didn't! You make a movie and didn't even bother to check out who these people were in real life? You just went along with everyone else and played them as downtrodden Scots to raise the emotional level in the same way that Mel Gibson did in that hideous mess of a movie, Braveheart? (The Scots of William Wallace's time did not run around in kilts with blue painted faces, Gibbo, they wore armour just like their English enemies...sheesh...)
Agricola was NOT governor of Britain in those days; he had died long before 117AD. It was some other dude whose name I cannot now remember. Hadrian's Wall wasn't there then, or even being built. Hadrian's Wall was begun in 122AD, not 117AD. And one last thing, the Ninth legion did not disappear in mysterious circumstances or get wiped out by Celtic Picts or other Celtic peoples; that is a MYTH. Legio IX Hispana was reported alive and well in Europe, the Netherlands, I think it was, in following years after 117AD.
Just enjoy this movie's scenery. It is NOT Gladiator. It just looks nice.