Mr. Butcher plays poker

Rating: 1/10 (12 February 2007)

Mr James Bond, or as I'd rather call him, Mr. Amok Butcher, without a touch of the Angel of Mercy, stamped down, and meanwhile chopped every single seemingly innocent people -- though some say nobody's innocent -- as well as every sinner, who happened to cross the path of his absurd run to catch a terrorist and chop him before an embassy or a brand new super-airplane is being blown up. No damage, no casualties, no loss was unreasonable.
And it was just the beginning; it got even more weird when Mr. B. shot down one of the bad guys in a totally insane manner, when the guy's attempt to blow up the embassy was counteracted and the guy was absolutely innocuous. Moreover, another bad guy was being the subject of 007's gloat contemplation while -- thanks to our hero's little trick -- he was detonating just himself instead of a refueling unit parked (By whom? By the good guy who saved the tax-payers mana-fructing day again) neatly next to the target of the terrorists.
Then came the bitch (as Mr. B.'d put it once to his puppet employer) to the rescue. Though he noticed she'd loved someone, I'm not sure Mr. B. was not too selfish and heartless to realize the girl's real commitment, devotion and affection towards to the other man.
Nonetheless, the super-bad guy attempted to cardio-poison Mr. B. after he have had to re-buy himself into a 100 million bucks pot poker game. No problem, the girl saved Mr. B.'s life with his defibrillator-on-the-go. After the felicitous resurrection, Mr. B. sat back to the poker table and humorously said to his super-bad rival "The last hand almost killed me". Eventually the chess and maths genius rival called Mr. B.'s all-in with a killer full house in hand and 3 spades on the table. Loaded with booze, Mr. B., achieved a flawless victory with a flush.
Finishing this last dirty job (some other bad guys were killed in the intermission of the game), they went on vacation where she tried to save our frantic friend from further rampage. But Mr. B. showed reluctance to realize the angel's true feelings towards himself. Or was he just incapable of truly believing in the unaffectedness of the girl's feelings?
Eventually she went off with the money to save the other beloved man. Mr. B. could not help her, he even felt to be betrayed and running after his money, sneaked after her. So she concurrently tried to save Mr. B.'s life and the other beloved man's life from her extorter.
Though Mr. B. previously had said to her he loved her because of her straightforwardness, "she does not have a tell", his acts belied his words and Mr. B. deservedly ended up with another beautiful cold body. The only difference, this time he was not walking over it but he was kissing this one all over on the pale face and neck. The conclusion he drew in conjunction with the puppet: never trust in anyone.
I bet one of my fellows, for now let's call him Bricky, would summarize it as "complete bullshit", or "net bullshit". And I bet I would reply to Bricky "gross bullshit", because I could pick any conversation, any action scene: all of them are so nonsense that the whole movie became a perfectly continuous flow of stupidity.
If you deliberately want to torture yourself by examining how deeply stupid is this crap, or if you think you'll get pleasantly excited while cheering for Mr. B.'s succeeding to preserve the new Skyfleet plane sound and explode the bad guy while gasoline's squirting all over from a tanker and if I have not so far spoiled your excitement: then it is a must for you. And if you might be one of those, who expect to get some cold water on his/her philanthropic enthusiasm while keeping his/her finger crossed for Mr. B. and wishing him to throw the detonator to a very place where it cause the least possible harm: then you are definitely going to get it with ice cubes. Those few, on whom none of the above goes, might not want to waste 2 hours of his/her valuable time on watching this film.
OK, let's cut now this exaggerated glorification and let's have a look at the good part of it: throughout the whole movie, the violence never appeared to be OK. On the contrary, it was so real, that right at the chopping of the first bad gay I said to myself: "Oh Lord, please protect me and let me avoid ever hurting somebody so rapturously". In some action scene, the demolition was so overwhelming, the the chase was so extraordinarily dynamic and acrobatic that it was funny.
All of you, who felt sarcasm in this review, please forgive my embittered disappointment, my condemnation, and my rejection. Maybe this is just the consequence of recently having been frustratingly turned down. May have harmed my loved ones and now may have to pay the bill to the devil.
I gave it a 1. Lastly, let's not forget: it is easier to cry something (e.g. a bad dinner) down then to put something (e.g. a good dinner) together.