Bond? I don't think so!

Rating: 3/10 (22 January 2009)

Reading through some of these reviews, I am generally astounded at the praise being lavished on Casino Royale.
Allow me to tell it like it is.
This was not a 'Bond' film - far from it. I realise that with the new 'blonde Bond' that is Daniel Craig, the film makers had hope to revitalise the franchise. What they produced was an embarrassing detraction away from what has been a proved formula, spanning decades.
Where to start? OK, I say Bond...you say?
MoneyPenny? - Nope, she was omitted from this one - no reason given, let's just cut one of the characters who has for years been an amusing addition to James Bond's visits to go and see M.
Q? - No, he's been cut too. And of course that means we cut out all the gadgets, gizmos and quaint little puns which go hand in hand with a visit to Q's workshop.
Cool cars? - Not really, Bond spends most of his time in a Ford Focus in this one and when he eventually does get his hands on the Vanquish he flips it about three minutes after taking it for a spin; needless to say the crash scene was laughable.
Sexy girls? - Well, there was one but she was no Ursula Andress. And the one Bond eventually falls for is not only a 'plain Jane' but she's pretty boring; remember the good olde days of Christmas Jones?
Funky music? - Ehh, how about a terrible score and an overrated theme.
OK but what about James Bond himself - surely he was as suave, sophisticated, full of one-liners and crazy weapons womanizing himself through another great action movie?
No. Not even slightly. Daniel Craig was a terrible Bond. His acting is as wooden as Pinnocchio's nose. His build is more like that of a Terminator than a secret agent - yet this doesn't stop him free-running up girders and scaffolding in what must be about the most pathetic opening sequence ever considered for James Bond. Craig also cannot pull off any of the Bondisms we are familiar with - his wit was non existent, one-liners were kept to a minimum (and even then his delivery of them was representative of a broken auto-cue). Suave and sophisticated? More like a bull in a China shop! It wasn't so much Bond sneaking around and being the tactical espionage agent we are used to, more an over-sized suited monkey blowing everything up and yet still avoiding getting shot.
The worst thing about this film though, which personally drove me to pulling my hair out was...the shameful product placement. Omega, Ford, Sony (Ericsson) - the film was littered with embarrassing camera shots which were just big enough to squeeze in some brand writing. The scene on the train where Bond claims his watch is an Omega, not a Rolex surely takes the biscuit.
To be honest I'm only really scratching the surface here - there are a million more things 'wrong' with this movie but I'm sure anyone who sees this movie will pick them out for him/her self.
Bond is dead. RIP