Everything we've already seen from Pixar a billion times before...

Rating: 2/10 (11 November 2006)

Toy Story - Great! Fresh, and new nice touch. Toy Story 2 - Still great but how about a change in scenery from the toy thing Bugs Life - Alright, not perfect but alright Monsters Inc. - Great movie but a little samey... Finding Nemo - Mmm... OK Incredibles - At last! A different approach! Cars - Holy crap! this is just terrible!
Why is Cars terrible? Number one: Same old Pixar thing. Now this is the worst problem of all... there is not a hint of originality in this waste of money, it's just a money grabbing scheme by some money grabbing executives who are taking what 'Toy Story' started several miles too far!
Number two: Owen Wilson. Oh my god, was he just terrible. He acts the same way in all of his movies, when he gets frustrated he gets that thing in his voice, and he sounds like scratched record. So imagine having to listen to a scratched record for 2 hours. Its about as much fun as carefully inserting jagged, infected needles into your ears while listening to the same crappy Andrew Lloyd Webber musical on full blast. (for those who enjoy creative insults, write that one down)
Number three: Dislikeable characters. Yep.. thats right, I'll be scalded by many, but I don't care! All of the characters were downright horrible. First there's Lightning McQueen (great name idiots) this... jerk who turns into a dumb pansy at the end. And that brown towing truck guy just looked, sounded and acted like a retard. If that was a real person I doubt any living creature could stand more than 32 second of him without gutting themselves. i could go on but I think Im in enough trouble by the Pixar fanatics. Thats right, watch Cars over and over until the next one comes out. Then you'll be saying "Cars... who". Does anyone even remember Toy Story?
Number four: CARS!!!!! Am I the only one who knows how completely stupid this is. Toy's are okay, so are fish and superheroes. But CARS!!!!! Thats the stupidest thing since MacGuyver! Im getting angry now.
But why the hell did I give it a 2 then?
The race scenes are pretty cool actually. But its not enough to mask this stench. If you saw Cars and liked it, its only because its the only thing your mommy will let you see. Right, now take it easy, eat a bowl of Cheetos and drink your orange juice like a gooood boy. Make sure its in the plastic cup though, so there isn't any 'oopsies'.
Cars. 1/5 Expectation. 3/5