If I wanted 2 hours of nausea and shouting, I'd visit my mother for Thanks Giving

Rating: 1/10 (31 December 2015)

Hanks gets boat. Hanks worries about pirates. Pirates need money. Pirates invade ship. Hanks looks angry. They shout. The camera shakes. There's some blood. The camera shakes again. They shout some more. The Americans come and they shout. there's some more blood. Hanks looks tired. Pirates portray Somalian stereotypes. We feel bad for pirate. The camera shakes. Hanks looks sad. People get wet. See hank shout. See hank swim.
I would have gotten less motion sick on an actual boat. The director should come to my university. I've seen chest stationary mounts constructed of duct tape and paper towel rolls.