Saturday morning television for teens.

Rating: 3/10 (8 March 2019)

So I just came back from seeing Captain Marvel and it is truly bad. Much worse than I had hoped. Up until tonight I thought that the most wooden acting in the MCU was by an animated tree with a total vocabulary of three syllables but not anymore. The award for wooden acting now goes to Brie Larson who mumbled her way through every line of her forgettable dialog. The only film I can compare it to is Shark Boy and Lava Girl. It really does feel like a Saturday morning teen television series. Brie Larson's bravado in her pre-movie PR was actually more threatening than a single scene in this movie. She is so overpowered and impervious that there is no sense of drama at any time. Every time she smashes through a solid steel space ship she lets out a girlish "woo!" just like Black Widow or Scarlet Witch would never do. Even Brie Larson's co-stars are flat an uninteresting. Clearly, they have tried to emulate the pace and humour of Guardians but there is just none of the same engagement and every attempt at humour just falls flat or is totally cringeworthy. As for Goose the cat... so boring. I do not understand all of the fuss about the cat. Finally, it seems to try to do what the Last Jedi did with certain important assets - subverting expectations. But all that this seems to achieve in this movie is to undermine much of the earnestness and existential peril which provides the drama for the other MCU movies. I truly hope they edit her out of Endgame.