A WW/Supergirl/GL-knockoff with Weak Plotting and A Trainwreck Casting

Rating: 2/10 (24 March 2019)

An unoriginal WW/Supergirl/Green Lantern-ripoff with ultra-politicized, brutally-weak plotting, cat-pandering, no real villain or clear direction, & an absolute trainwreck casting in controversial Brie Larson (with the emotive display of a wet rock). It's a bird! It's a plane! It's MARVEL'S WONDER WOMAN.. ergh, attempt; with a wholly-unoriginal hero thefting Supergirl's look/motif/alter-ego (Kara Danvers -> Carol Danvers), Shazam's name (original Captain Marvel), and Green Lantern's pilot-turned-spacecop backstory (& even green suit/Corps).
There's a reason Captain Marvel has been shunned in comics for decades having to be rebooted 6 (yes, SIX) times and still failing to fly off the shelves alongside Marvel's otherwise strong female characters: Jean Grey, Elektra, She-Hulk, Scarlet Witch, Black Widow (10 years w/o a solo movie from MCU (yikes).. Ant-Man & Groot got 2..), etc. Beyond its questionable hero choice to start, the film is riddled with ultra-politicized false-feminist eye-rollers forced throughout its brutally weak origin-cliched script, no real villain or plot direction, and a (horrific) controversial casting who has the emotive display range of a wet rock!
Brie Larson might literally be the worst casting in superhero *history*, a truly mind-boggling pick from her arrogant, pompous, and thoroughly-unlikeable personality to her controversial, simply-inane past comments (look up: saying white guys shouldn't be allowed to watch/review movies, guys daring to talk to a girl warrant 'defense from'?, and my favorite: self-proclaiming the CM trailer was going to "break the internet"? (spoiler: it didn't. Did halve its box office projections though!). She is positively somnambulistic sleep-walking through the entire film, without even a sign of human emotion or life for most of the scenes she's in and dooming the film from the start.The plot, politics, and hero are problematic as well. What everyone feared going in: the false-feminist pandering/politics are strong with this one. There are so many unbearably eye-rolling liners force-fed to us throughout this ride from constant superiority-complexing and demonizing guys with laughably-ridiculous lines like "only guys can be pilots.. that's why they call it a C*CK-pit"..... to portraying them as creepers, fools, or overly-aggressive.. I cannot fathom why Marvel thought this was a good idea. People go to the cinema for escapism, not to be lectured on politics.
There's a reason Wonder Woman, The Force Awakens, Alien(/s), Terminator, and many other female-led blockbusters got absolutely *none* of the hate Captain Marvel is - they portrayed strong women and empowering narratives without *once* getting political/preachy/ condescending/superiority-complexed. But here, everything is distorted and twisted unnaturally to show how great and flawless Brie is and how not men are. The film is deprived of even basic plot conventions in order to continually uplift her without the possibility of daring to challenge. CM isn't even allowed to have a true VILLAIN or final fight because of this, turning the Skrulls from an iconic Marvel villain powerful in the comics to unintimidating and victimized by film's end being even scared of cats (which was a shameless pander overdone to appease mass audiences and hopefully hide/make them forget their flaws like Marvel usually does with humor).
Although Captain Marvel has a few moments like its 90's soundtrack, fine galactic CGI/Skrull-action, Sam L. Jackson, and self-discovery thread/powers, its muddled in an otherwise *unbearable* outer shell. A breathtakingly-unoriginal hero extremely unpopular in comics stealing everything from Shazam's name to Supergirl's look/alter-ego to basically everything about Green Lantern's pilot-turned-spacecop backstory and Corps IP is given a brutally-weak film with ultra-politicized plotting riddled with eye-rolling one-liners, condescending cat-pandering, a contrived generic narrative with no real villainous or strong opposing presence to purposely coddle/uplift its hero, & an absolute trainwreck of casting in Brie Larson being *thoroughly* unlikeable in every way and sleep-walking through the entire film. One of the worst superhero films in years. 2.5/10.