You can wait for Thanos 2: Infinite Bogaloo if you want

Rating: 5/10 (7 March 2019)

The trailer for Captain Marvel promises that we shall meet "Her". This isn't true. The movie - deeply flawed, heavy on retcons, but at points amusing - is actually about Captain Marvel. "Her", aka Ayesha, was in Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 a couple of years ago and might factor into its sequel, alongside Adam Warlock. This is the least of our problems.
Brie Larson, more precisely, plays "Vers", a powerful member of the alien Kree race - or so she believes. Yes, the violent beings from the first Guardians are back, and it may be fun for fans to see more time dedicated to such characters as Korath (Djimon Hounsou) and Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace).
When Vers winds up on 1990's Earth, we also see a de-aged Samuel L. Jackson as pre-eyepatch Nick Fury (and woe, what a farce they've made out of the backstory of his eye loss), in Lola VFX's best effort yet. The other effects are unimpressive, albeit serviceable. It mostly looks like any other bland MCU film, sans the extranormal realm of The Supreme Intelligence, which Vers must visit.
Vers is trained by Yon-Rogg (Jude Law), commander of the totes awesomely-named Starforce. Her sworn nemeses are the shape-shifting Skrulls, led by General Talos (Ben Mendelsohn), who we learn has infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. to pull Fury's strings. I will give the film this: I did not know where it was going with the Skrulls, or what revelations Captain Marvel's origins would bring, or which blanks it would fill.
It is also nice to see older faces from the MCU reappear; it serves to remind us how large this universe is and how long we've been with these characters. Ronan was always unfairly treated. Stoic as he was, I thought he provided a funny contrast to the cheerful Guardians of the Galaxy, and he was able to hold an Infinity Stone that may have eviscerated the other Guardians, even Gamora and Drax, if Peter Quill didn't turn out to be half-Celestial.
I digress. This film is nothing special; it does precisely what it needs to and little more. It is dumb, fun, and sometimes both at the same time. At its best, it provides laughs, heart, and a rather likeable addition to the MCU heroine gallery (here's hoping she'll get something resembling an emotional arc in the near future). At its most unsatisfactory, it feels like a parody of the franchise it inhabits, although I know not what else to expect from Disney at this stage.
And yes, this is very much one of those movies where you just can't win. "Actually, the bad things about it aren't important because it's feminist!" "The movie IS bad solely because it's feminist!" "Larson is a bad actress because she didn't smile in any of the two-second snippets I watched." "Disney are trying to censor bad reviews because... *checks notes*... Rotten Tomatoes took away our ability to rate or review a film before it's out." "The movies with the CG lips and 'bluuuh save martha bluuuuh' are much better made!" What a generation we are.
NOTE: Although this wasn't the case at my multiplex, I read that there are theatres which will screen only this movie on its Women's Day premiere (which would be illegal, if Disney's paying them, but let's assume it's true). I wonder why they would need to limit people's Friday night choices to one film? Not because fans have been alienated by Larson's comments and are now boycotting the movie, surely? Look, Disney. I'm smart. I know neither you nor Larson are forbidding me from seeing the movie when you say it's not "made for me". Other white nerds AREN'T that high-functioning. Be careful.