Matt Salinger or Reb Brown as Captain America; Still Better Than This 'Captain Marvel'

Rating: 2/10 (9 March 2019)

I love superhero movies and generally don't care what individual actors (or actresses, if that term is still in usage) do off-screen. They aren't their character, so not a problem for me.
So this review isn't negative because of Brie Larson's politics or personality. I kinda respect her for having the courage of her convictions...not that she needs my approval, but she also doesn't need my opposition.
It's just a bad, bad, horrible Captain Marvel movie. I've been a comic fan a long time so have grudgingly accepted the idea of retconning and rebooting and all those tricks.
But...c'mon. How do you keep a superhero's name, and change everything else about the character? Seriously, that's all that's really recognizable is the names. Carol Danvers...started as Ms Marvel, didn't become Captain Marvel till early this decade. Monica Rambeaux is the first female Captain Marvel, got her name from the media and her powers from extra-dimensional energy. Later ceded the name to the *original* Captain Marvel's son...yeah, Mar Vell was a Kree warrior, a man, and eventually died of cancer in Marvel's first major graphic novel.
That's some serious history to mine. You can make a damn good movie out of that. I bet a fan-made movie (similar to the Deadpool fanfilms) would be worth more than this...whatever it is.
See, the problem is, Marvel or Disney pretty obviously forgot everything they and the world learned about superhero movies since Iron Man took us by surprise. Put simply: you write a good story based heavily on a particular version of your character, and let the story and the characters sell the film. We moviegoers like good stories.
So, obviously the MCU.Disney wanted a strong female-led movie to combat the threat of Wonder Woman. No problem, saw that coming. I suspect they chose Captain Marvel because DC was producing Shazam (the real original Captain Marvel) but that's just my suspicion.
Seriously, you want a strong female-led movie. Okay...gee, not like fans have been *screaming* for a Black Widow movie. Not like Scarlet Witch is arguably, like, the most powerful mortal in the multiverse! (House of M, etc and so forth) Let's be honest: Scarlet Witch wiggles her fingers and Captain Marvel/Carol Danvers *might* have time to widdle her knickers before she's dead.
How about Lady Sif...suspiciously absent in Thor: Ragnorak. Mantis, Moondragon, Nova...the list goes on.
But you settle on Captain Marvel/Carol Danvers...okay, we can promote her from Ms to Captain, not a big thing, easy to accept for simplicity's sake. So where the heck is Carol's actual *origin*? In a comic canon sense. All the other Avengers have origins based on the comics...not all inclusive, but with retcons and fifty years or more of publishing history, you are allowed some leeway.
Some. Not 'everything but the name is different'. Oh, Mar Vell is there...sort of...but he's Annette Bening and therefore an older woman. Still a Kree soldier...I think? Honestly, that's not too clear. Monica Rambeau is a child when this takes place, paving the way for her to be Captain Marvel in any sequel that might be greenlit since...good Lord, Brie Larson is NOT right for the role. Watching her onscreen was uncomfortable. RDJ's Tony Stark was a smarta^^ playboy who learned hard lessons. Chris Evans as Steve Rogers was an idealistic kid dreaming big dreams and grows up as he learned the cost of his ideals. Chris Hemsworth as Thor was a spoiled brat forced to accept the consequences of his actions and learns his position isn't free. Scarlet Johanson as Black Widow is bada** as it gets with a lot of hinted backstory that could easily carry a couple movies. Elizabeth Olsen as Scarlet Witch brings a form of innocence welded to a core of steel, again could easily carry a couple movies.
Brie, Oscar winner or not, brings nothing to this role. You can tell she *wants* so badly to be Taken Seriously. The difference between her and the above is they all play the *character* and in the course of doing so, make that character their own. Brie never does...and that's not surprising considering the character she's supposed to be playing is a Dr Moreau experiment let loose on the world.
It's fairly obvious Marvel/Disney felt the need to 'compete' with the 'surprise' success of Wonder Woman. Serious female heavy hitter leading the movie and so on. Sadly, Wonder Woman *still* did it much better because it told a good *story*, rather than just saying, 'Hey! Female superhero here! You have to love it, right? Story? Canon? Who needs *that*...didn't you see this is a FEMALE superhero?!?'
Here's a hint, Marvel/Disney: for Captain Marvel 2...we all know it's coming, there's too many eggs in this basket for them to scrap the idea...Carol Danvers goes strutting up to Thanos, he snaps her away, and far away on Earth, Monica Rambeau is staring at a picture of her and Carol from the 90s. Pull back, we see her New Orleans police badge, her Lt bars she just pinned on...flash of ight, Monica passes out, wakes up, sees a crisis, transforms into energy to go solve the problem. Oooh...Captain Marvel! the media gushes. Nick Fury can show up to recruit her, give her the 'sad' news about Carol, the new Captain Marvel has her adventure...or two or three or however many movies.
Even Samuel Jackson can't save this movie, though. Not even with the help of a 'young' Agent Coulson. Even the effects...normally excellent in MCU...are substandard. Seriously, the 'climatic' space fight makes me think of Battlestar Galactica...the old one with Lorne Greene and Dirk Benedict!
These are just my thoughts and opinions as a long-time comic fan. Sure, go see it for yourself...but I heavily recommend you wait till it's at the budget theater (give it a month) or streams on Netflix.