***Mild spoilers, but won't ruin the movie for anyone who would've enjoyed it***

Rating: 3/10 (10 March 2019)

Samuel L. Jackson is the only reason this movie doesn't bore you to death. He completely carries the film, which takes at least 45 minutes to captivate interest. When Fury's not speaking or figuring things out in real time it is a massive cringefest that failed to avoid creating plot holes due to it being set in 1995. Captain Marvel herself seems to exist solely as a deus ex machina to defeat Thanos in Endgame, and those telling you that Brie Larson has "presence" should actually be telling you that she just has a massive chip on her shoulder for some reason. The only other MCU character who comes close in that regard is Dr. Strange, but remember he had his entire career and skillset that he felt defined him taken from him permanently. Carol Danvers seems pissed that the raw energy beams she can emit at will from her hands, making her one of the most powerful people in the universe, are something she has to work to control.
The plot holes: In the first Avengers movie in 2012, we're told that Nick Fury started experimenting with the Tesseract to create advanced weaponry due to Thor's arrival to New Mexico in 2011. Fury even went so far as to say that this event informed us that we weren't alone in the universe. Now we're told that Fury had the Tesseract 17 years earlier and at that same time bore witness to three alien warships who launched advanced alien weaponry at the North American continent, which would have killed millions if not for Captain Marvel. Apparently that wasn't enough of a wake up call. Also, we're led to believe that the following events did not qualify as an "emergency" to Nick Fury worthy of calling for Captain Marvel's help: Thor fighting a sentinel from Asgard in New Mexico, Hawkeye shooting Nick Fury and Loki taking the Tesseract before opening a portal and invading earth with an alien army, the Mandarin escalating attacks on US soil up to the point hat he kidnapped the President of the United States, Malekith landing a spaceship in London and using the Aether to attempt to enslave humanity, Hydra attempting to assassinate Fury leading to him faking his own death so that he can keep them from activating Project Insight which would kill tens/hundreds of millions, Dormammu almost swallowing Earth, and Ultron almost raising Sokovia high enough in the atmosphere to create an extinction level event. When Captain Marvel gets a rundown of the last 8 years she's going to be pissed at Fury for not activating that pager she gave him in 1995 about a dozen different times.
Predictability: No one who's watched Agents of SHIELD fell for the plot twist. I doubt anyone who watched Guardians of the Galaxy did either. In fact, they gave the audience a massive hint about 10 minutes in. That made the long, slow buildup to it that lasted an hour worthless. In it we basically see repeated montages of a strong female pilot persevering through sexist jokes (the same "cockpit" joke is repeated twice in this film), learn about a brave a single mother, and wonder about a brilliant female doctor until we're presented with a cringey farmhouse speech. Based on the marketing and Brie Larson's plethora of comments about the film, if any of this surprises anyone I bet they are also shocked when jack comes out of the box.
Vomitus Maximus: We're led to believe at the crescendo of all drama in the film that Captain Marvel is presented with an ultimatum of great import - she will just have to be only a human. If you recall, Peter Quill faced the same dilemma, but in order to do so he gave up the god-like power of a Celestial. Captain Marvel, on the other hand, becomes more powerful in doing so. What a sacrifice...
SJWisms: Yes, there are many. Who cares. Off-hand digs at famous Trump comments, a script that seems to plagiarize a Pelosi speech for its dialogue at times, etc. A film can overcome all that if it's entertaining. This movie wasn't.
The verdict: You will get out of this film what you want. If you are a dedicated MCU fan, especially one who's watched the associated TV series, you will be annoyed at the awkwardness this film creates by going back in time and crapping on key plot points of the previous films. On the other hand if you think the wage gap is real or better yet think that the fantastical fiction of an elderly white man could possibly affect that in any positive way, this will be your cup of tea. Therefore, don't assume the poor ratings are trolls, and don't assume the good ones are bots paid for by the studio. People really are this far apart on issues of all kinds in 2019, and the popular reception of Captain Marvel will reflect that. As for me personally, only The Incredible Hulk (2008) was worse and I really wish the MCU would've invested the energy they put into this film into a standalone Black Widow one. She's a much more developed character played by the right actress and she relies on her wits and skills, not energy beams, to succeed. And they still could've checked their SJW boxes and we all could've just ignored them in peace.