Captain Vanilla and the Attack of the Underwhelming Finished Product

Rating: 3/10 (9 March 2019)

Never written a review before, but this film made me feel like I had to. I wasn't sure what it was going to deliver when I went to see it, no one could have failed to be aware of the controversy surrounding it, or the media's frenzied over hyping of it, which they took to ridiculous levels. But I'm an MCU fan and I wanted to give this film a fair go, I just wanted another good entry into the franchise. But I've got to say what I got was, at best, a bottom of the league average film.
The story line is nothing special, it's an origin story, and they always stick to the same formula, it's the performances that sell it and get you involved. As always Samuel L. Jackson extremely watchable, when is he not, he is the coolest guy on the face of the planet. A lot of other people have been praising Ben Mendelsohn as Talos, and I'm not going to break with that, he is first rate and manages to steal the film off of everyone. Not a particular Jude Law fan, but he is capable of great performances, he is okay in this, does enough to make his character work, but that's all. I have to praise Lashana Lynch though, there is very little to her character, but she certainly knows how to make a little go a long way, some actresses would have struggled to bring this character to life, but she manages to do it with ease and style. I had never heard of her before this film, but I will be looking out for her in the future, and I can't wait to see her in something that will really allow her to show off her acting skills. Now we come to Brie Larson, and here is where the problems start. She gives a one note, monotone performance, and goes through the entire film, when she is not being arrogant and snarky, looking bored out of her skull. It is a well worn phrase, but in this case it really does describe perfectly her performance, she just phones it in, there is nothing to her character, be it Carol Danvers or Captain Marvel, she is totally flat in both. She displays no charm, charisma or warmth, she doesn't connect with the audience on any level, even the most undeveloped characters in the MCU, such as Hawkeye, connect with the viewer. He is the family man, he provides the soul, from Larson you get nothing, you don't like her, you don't dislike her, she is just there. When her character discovers she can fly, there is nothing from her, no emotional reaction, no surprise, shock or even a smile, nothing. How am I supposed to connect, to or with, a character that seems totally detached from everything around her, and lacks anything that could be described as a personality.
If you are thinking, or hoping, that maybe the action sequences will save the day, that Captain Marvel will serve up something special, sorry to say you are out of luck. They are up to the usual standard of a Marvel film, they are what you would expect, and that's the problem, you expect it. There is no great emotional impact from any of it, and there is no humor, Brie Larson doesn't sell it at all, she never seems to struggle to beat anyone, never appears to be in any danger. The end battle was a prime example of this, I was bored, I don't enjoy watching a character who never struggles, who never has to earn anything, who can do everything and is so over powered it's untrue. If the outcome is never in any doubt, or there is no journey to get to the outcome, what is the point of watching. Also this is Marvel's first prequel, and I hate prequels, because they always manage to screw up continuity, mess up the timeline and devalue the films that have gone before. Ronan the Accuser, the big bad from Guardians of the Galaxy, is shown to be nothing more than a wimp in this one, he runs away from Captain Marvel, not kidding, he flees from her. It took all the Guardians had to bring him down, how weak are they that they could only just defeat someone who ran away from Marvel, this undercuts Guardians of the Galaxy completely, and tarnishes that film. The worst offense though has to be how this film retcons that whole speech from Nick Fury to Captain America about losing his eye in Winter Soldier, he loses his eye in this film because the damn cat scratched him, that's it, a cat scratch. Don't try and sell me on that whole 'He said he was going to trust the cat' drivel, it just doesn't fit in, it just disrespects Fury's character and the whole franchise. This brings us to the biggest problem going forward this film could pose to the whole MCU starting with EndGame. It has established Captain Marvel as being way over powered, Superman like if you will, and characters like this lead to one conclusion, which I call the Justice League Trap. Now JL wasn't a particularly good film, but it had Batman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Flash and Cyborg going head to head with the villain, and they couldn't bring him down, they needed Superman to turn up and save the day, which he did. Something which poses the question going forward 'Why do you need them if you have Superman ?' They are all redundant and unnecessary as long as you have Superman. If Marvel is going down that same route, which they appear to be as Kevin Feige has said Captain Marvel is the most powerful character in the MCU, what's the point of watching. All you need is Captain Marvel, every other superhero is superfluous. The Hulk, Thor, Scarlet Witch are all immensely powerful, but they are also flawed and have weaknesses, the outcome is never certain, there is doubt. With a character as OTT as Captain Marvel is being set up to be, the outcome is never in danger or doubt, she will win easily, so why watch.
I always mark films in two ways, the first part is the film itself, which I mark out of 6, and I give this one a 3, take out the problems it could cause, because we don't know, and it just about manages to be an average minus, thanks to the good level of acting from everyone other than Larson.
The remaining 4 marks come from the re-watchabilty factor. Do I want or need to see it again, will I buy it as soon as it comes out on Blu-ray or wait for it to drop in price ect. It scores zero here, there is nothing about this film that makes me want to see it again, the story is simplistic, so you get all that, there is nothing stand out about it. I have no desire to see it again in any way shape or form. Even the end credit scenes are nothing, I don't need to see Captain Plank suddenly appear again behind Black Widow (who's film this should have been), as for the one with the cat vomiting up the tesseract, well that just proves how this unnecessary and unwanted prequel just screws up continuity, in it's bid to crowbar Captain Marvel into the MCU. I knew Marvel would make a bad movie at some point, I just never thought it would be this bad, or the one before EndGame.