Play a Death Song for This Film Using the Mandolin.

Rating: 2/10 (4 June 2015)

Captain Corelli's Mandolin (2001): Dir: John Madden / Cast: Nicolas Cage, Penelope Cruz, John Hurt, Christian Bale, David Morrissey: Mandolin refers to peace with hardship. If that is really the case, then I could have used one during the screening of this stupid charade. Nicolas Cage stars as Captain Corelli who arrives in town with his fellow German soldiers. He will house with a local doctor who is against the arrangement until they accommodate him with medical supplies. Then he asks, "Where will I sleep?" to which the doctor responds, "In my daughter's room." Then Cage asks the million dollar question, "And where will your daughter sleep?" She hisses, "It's none of your business where I sleep!" Such pitiful advertising, as if anyone cannot figure that out. Yes, they fall in love, war breaks out, tears are shed, blah, blah, blah. It's about as entertaining as a bag of horse crap. Similar to John Madden's superior Shakespeare in Love but doesn't contain his same skill. John Hurt as the doctor deserves better than this. Cage sounds dumb-ass stupid with that German accent, and his parading about for Cruz's affection is embarrassing. Penelope Cruz plays this obvious bimbo whom the audience can figure out long before she can get a clue. This is about as stupid as that pathetic Pearl Harbor was months earlier. War and romance presented with whorehouse clarity. Score: 2 / 10