Trouble in paradise

Rating: Null/10 (18 May 2001)

First of all, just to get it out of the way, I'd like to say that yes, I read Louis de Bernieres' magisterial, charming, evocative, panoramic novel shortly before going to see its celluloid adaptation; and whilst the film compares highly unfavourably to the book, that is not really the point. What is the point is that, whichever way you slice it, this film is extremely poor.
Much has already been said about the extreme ropiness of the accents all round. We have Nicolas Cage sounding like he's wandered in from a Cornetto advert, a Spanish Greek, a scouse German (to quote Empire magazine), and a passable Greek accent from John Hurt. But what is most amusing is that there are supposed to be four different languages knocking about the film (Greek, Italian, German, English), but, due to Hollywood's fear of subtitles, there is in fact only one. Consequently, in one scene, a Greek listens to a BBC news report (in English, and supposed to be), then says (in English, but ostensibly Greek) that he does not understand it.
This aside though, the central romance, between Captain Corelli and Pelagia, is really where the film either stands or falls; and sadly, it does the latter. The two characters share what seems like virtually no screen time, and certainly no chemistry. I must mention the book here, because in it, there is a true sense of the relationship between the captain and Pelagia. But in the film, any sense of longing or depth is lost, only to be replaced by the tangibly physical, which fails to convey any sense of true intimacy.
Indeed, the characters never seem to come together. They just seem to all be wandering around in their own little movies, never interacting beyond a few words. This seriously undermines any sense of pathos when tragedies strike, and makes the film very sterile. Moreover, the characters, even when taken alone, are utterly two-dimensional. Perhaps four or five of the characters are given any decisive shape at all. The rest are so insubstantial that, whatever happens to them, you simply don't care.
So, there we have it. A romance without romance; a comedy without humour; a war movie without a sense of destruction or loss. "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" fails in all categories. And it doesn't even look that good. Cephallonia is a place of outstanding natural beauty, but even the cinematography - something I'd of thought they'd be bound to get right, if nothing else - seems strangely muted and washed-out.
I admit I take films seriously, but I also try to enjoy them, if I possibly can. And in this case, I'm sorry, John Madden (who directed the wonderful "Shakespeare In Love"), Nicolas Cage (a truly great character actor) and John Hurt (legend), but I couldn't.