The lack of romantic chemistry, a hopelessly muddled plot, and leaden direction sabotages "Captain Corelli's Mandolin."

Rating: 1/10 (8 February 2008)

"Captain Corelli's Mandolin" confuses more often than entertains. Although I haven't read Louis de Bernieres's World War II-era bestseller, I know enough about the changes to recognize the shortcomings of director John Madden's leaden movie adaptation. Audiences may remember this English director best for his 1999 Oscar-winning comedy "Shakespeare in Love." Personally, I enjoyed Madden's earlier effort "Mrs. Brown" (1997), starring Judi Dench as Queen Victoria. Nevertheless, if good looks guaranteed great cinema, "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" would qualify as spectacular. Lensed on location in scenic Greece by two-time Oscar-winning cinematographer John ("Braveheart") Toll, this ambitious but abominable Nicholas Cage & Penelope Cruz wartime tearjerker is easier on the eyes than the ears. Aside from establishing a concrete sense of setting and atmosphere, Madden and scenarist Shawn ("A World Apart") Slovo have butchered Bernieres's novel so that it emerges in bites and incomprehensible pieces. Incredibly, Madden and Slovo let the action veer erratically between comedy and tragedy with an indifferent romance at the heart handicapped by a curious lack of chemistry. Complaints about miscasting may arise in the minds of some moviegoers. Nicholas Cage's insufferably sweet, Puccini-loving, mandolin-strumming Italian artillery captain is almost enough to give Fascism a good name. Meanwhile, nothing good comes of Cage's ersatz Chico Marx accent. Actually, Sylvester Stallone would have been convincing in this role. If poor dialects irritate you, prepare for a veritable cacophony. English supporting actor John Hurt, Iberian beauty Penelope Cruz, and Welsh leading man/villain Christian Bale all sound and look out-of-place alongside Greek native Irene Papas. Purists will most likely skip this Zorba the Greek meets "The English Patient," not only for its inconsistent babble of accents but also for its mishmash of historical revisionism, not to mention its pallid plot.
"Captain Corelli's Mandolin" unfolds on the idyllic Greek isle of Cephallonia in 1940. A wise old local physician, Dr. Iannis (John Hurt of "Alien"), who has been compiling a history of the island and its earthquakes, narrates this yarn. He lives outside the village with his grown-up, headstrong daughter Pelagia (Penelope Cruz of "Blow") in a small mountainside home. A brawny fisherman called Mandras (Christian Bale of "Shaft") wins Pelagia's heart with his rough and tough ways. Her crusty old mustached father warns her from the start: "I would expect you to marry a foreigner." According to him, Greek men dominate their wives, and Mandras is "not her equal." When Mussolini invades Albania, Mandras and she get engaged. He ships out to fight the Italians. Pelagia pens dozens of letters, but Mandras never sends a reply. Later, we learn about Mandras's illiteracy. Perhaps Pelagia's father knows best. Anyway, this revelation smells like a plot contrivance. How could a bright, well-educated girl like Pelagia overlook such an obvious fact? She serves as her father's nurse and aspires to be a doctor herself. Doctors are trained to observe, so Pelagia should have known. Furthermore, neither Mandras nor Pelagia appear as if they were made for each other. One flirtatious splash in the Mediterranean doesn't a romance make. Madden doesn't pump up the passion between these two. Sadly, Bale and Cruz make an unpersuasive couple. Meanwhile, Madden has given audiences the village tour and introduced its citizenry. Dr. Iannis wields a fishhook to extract a dried pea from a man's ear canal. Although his hearing has been restored miraculously, the husband dreads a future where he must endure his wife's constant complaints. This joke serves as a bookend of sorts that opens and concludes the film. Suddenly, the skies erupt with military aircraft and parachutes blossom. Mussolini's Fascist troops have come to occupy Cephallonia and ships pour in more men and equipment.
When Captain Antonio Corelli (Nicholas Cage of "The Family Man") lays eyes on Pelagia, her beauty overwhelms him. "Bella bambina!" He exclaims and orders his platoon to glance in her direction. Initially, true to the romance formula, Pelagia wants nothing to do with Corelli. She regards the Italians with fear and loathing. Corelli is not only an artillery captain but also serves as a translator. The scene in the town square when the Greeks refuse to surrender to the Italians, preferring instead the Nazis, deserves a lusty laugh. Later, the Italians decide to billet their officer elsewhere. The Italian Army quartermaster makes arrangements with Dr. Iannis to board Corelli. Pelagia hates these arrangements, until the captain captivates her with his mandolin.
Gradually, Pelagia's glacial attitude melts, and she falls in love with Corelli, even after her betrothed returns to the island and joins the Greek partisans. Mandras's mother Drosoula (Irene Papas of TV's "Homer's Odyssey") is not happy about this new arrangement. The Cage & Cruz romance kindles few sparks. A more meaningful but tragic romance occurs between a so-called good Nazi officer, Captain Gunter Weber (David Morrissey of "Hilary and Jackie") and another island girl. Although Madden shows the Italians firing their artillery, this bunch of guys heads to the beach to guzzle wine and warble Verdi operas to their prostitutes. At first, everything seems great when our protagonists learn that Mussolini has surrendered and the war is over for them. "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" has focused primarily on comedy until the Nazis come goose stomping into the action, and everything turns tragic.
Sadly, Madden botches both assignments. He cannot stage a decent big battlefield scene, and he fares no better with the intimate romance scenes. If you're looking for a better version of "Captain Corelli's Mandolin," then check out Gabriele Salvatores's "Mediterraneo" (1991) which won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film. World War II buffs will appreciate the genuine-looking Stuka dive-bombers that rain destruction on Cephallonia. The lack of romantic chemistry, a hopelessly muddled plot, and leaden direction sabotages "Captain Corelli's Mandolin,"and it fade outs on a whimper rather than a bang of jubilation.