Action porn

Rating: 7/10 (21 April 2014)

Well, let's start with an invulnerable, ultra-competent superhero. He's a good guy, with a team that's rooting for him. There are also the bad guys, with their team.
There's the martial arts, of course. Not real martial arts, but fake movie martial arts. The film also has many shootouts (with various weaponry). It has quite a few serious chase scenes, too, with cars, planes, people, you name it. Usually they end in explosions. Everything ends in explosions in this movie. You've got lots of technical wizardry and huge sci-fi space ships. And the beautiful girl and the black guy. Clever and daring, but unimportant in the end.
Oh yes don't forget the spy agencies with endless money and godlike powers. (However, there's always a rogue element in these agencies, of course. There's always something about them that is not really as it seems.)
I don't remember the plot of the movie (even though it ended an hour ago), but I do remember the muscle gods, the endless kung-fu, the cool hi-tech hardware, the huge space ships, the chases, shootouts and explosions, and of course (spoiler alert) the good guys winning in the end.
Samuel Jackson is in this movie. But you already knew that, didn't you. He's in every movie.
Robert Redford is in this movie, too. Robert, what were you thinking...
It's a new way of doing movies. It's entertainment for the body, not the mind or heart. It's meant to trigger the same reptilian part of your brain that responds to flashing lights, car accidents, loud noises and porn. Future directors will have to add more muscle boys, more explosions, more CGI and 3D, more chasing and fighting -– although it's hard to see how they could do that.
I suppose movies like this are produced because there is a very big market for it. That's plain enough from the IMDb scores. The Russo brothers, writers and others can only be commended for producing a film that so many people think is awesome.
The question is why does a movie like this get such adulation? It's one of life's mysteries, I suppose, like why do some people go nuts over watching basketball and golf. I suppose it's not so weird that the people who love these movies are exactly the kind who would never spend the hours necessary to do what their heroes on the silver screen are doing. It's vicarious reptilian fantasy fulfilment perhaps, but notched up with CGI to satisfy an internet and gaming-addicted generation and with a certain homoerotic element for the ladies.
OK, this is not my genre at all. This is not my franchise either. But I've written about that before, so I'll spare you. I thought this movie was barely entertaining. It was not realistic, intelligent or moving at all. I enjoyed watching Chris Evans though, although I'd rather see him as another character.