Worse than terrible

Rating: 2/10 (15 October 2011)

I didn't come to this movie with any high expectation but I was still surprised by how god damn AWFUL this was. Worst movie this year? Easily and by a distance. Worst movie of the decade? Certainly a strong candidate.
I don't even know where to begin writing about the inanities that kept pouring out of this film, suffocating any shred of enjoyment.
Actor performances? Wooden, bored with stupid accents. The only passable performance was by TLJ who tried to be a good soldier but was hampered by the moronic plot and idiotic lines he was forced to recite. Speaking of which...
Plot? A shy little patriotic guy is magically transformed into a big guy in red-white-blue tights and goes to fight mad nazi scientist. The love story was a clichéd jumble: shy guy wins the girl? Really? (that is actually an accurate description of the character: The Girl). The allied sodiers (you know the ones who actually won the war) exist solely to cheer the frisbee wielding guy in tights, The nazi soldiers who for some reason all wear stupid looking masks and constantly make the most ridiculous salute ever invented by humans, apparently went to stormtrooper school of shooting. Or maybe they just can't stop laughing at the sight of the guy in tights with his frisbee in the middle of the war. And when they do hit it turns out they have lasers that can bring down a building with one shot but can't even scratch the magic frisbee. And how does it come back to the thrower? Wait.. if I start thinking about this movie rationally my head might explode.
The villain? I might call him a cartoon, but any cartoon villain is a 1000 times more sophisticaed than this. What does he want? To kill everybody! Why? Because he's evil!!! Muahahahaha. Though here I must give some credit to Captain America for holding back the laughter at the bad guy's stupid mask long enough to actually fight the villain, lose then watch the bad guy melt himself with the all-spark... oops wrong cube... the magic blue cube.
I don't even know how I finished it. For the first 40 minutes I entertained myself by laughing at all the stupid stuff going on, (There was a lot of laughter) but then that became boring and eventually too stupid to even laugh at. I spent the other hour and 20 minutes cringing, crying and begging for the pain to stop. Should've left earlier but I felt bad about wasting the money. That'll teach me.
I think I'm just rambling now, but words cannot describe how awful this movie is. It makes Batman & Robin seem like Oscar material. In short if you want to torture yourself for 2 hours (did i mention this movie has enough actual plot for about 10 minutes?), I suggest nail pulling or water boarding. Has to be more enjoyable than this.
Do NOT watch this movie!!! Save your self the mental damage.