The Un-Gay Gay Movie

Rating: 3/10 (18 May 2018)

As a gay man myself, my approach to this film is that of someone who is happy to see a mainstream(ish) movie about a gay relationship. What a shame they didn't make one.
The public embrace of this film by movie audiences, and especially by gay filmgoers, is completely baffling to me. This is not a gay film. This is a movie about two straight men, who inexplicably have a gay experience.
The movie takes place in Italy during the violent Years of Lead, but there is no mention of those historic events. Instead, an American professor and his Italian wife and their family are living in one of those idyllic Italian homes in the middle of an apricot orchard. Mind you, these people have none of the responsibility of the orchard's upkeep or harvest. They are just the family of a gentleman farmer, which is a phrase that means "one who enjoys the benefits of a farm but does none of the hard work."
The family's oldest son, Elio, played wonderfully by Timothée Chalamet, is in the middle of a summer that requires nothing of him. And like so many misguided filmmakers who think ennui is a substitute for atmosphere and action, the writer and director have us following Elio through the boring pattern of his life. It's just a series of lingering shots that never even bother to capture the beauty of a region deserving of breathtaking cinematography. During this summer, Elio has a girlfriend, Marzia, with whom he has sex and evidently with no qualms or problems.
Enter the tall, beautiful, blond graduate student Oliver, played with equal aplomb by Armie Hammer, in the kind of performance we knew he had in him but that Hollywood has avoided allowing from him in dreck like "The Lone Ranger." Oliver is under the tutelage of Elio's professor father and he is likable and friendly, though he possesses the cavalier air of a carefree middle-class American. Elio observes that Oliver fails to say a proper goodbye, but simply substitutes a casual, "Later" for partings.
After a far too protracted period of more ennui, Elio and Oliver strike up a friendship that has them going swimming, riding bikes, traversing the countryside, and taking in the proverbial local color. And then, suddenly, they have sex.
For no apparent reason, these two have sex. They haven't exchanged a single furtive glance, a moment of seduction, a tempestuous conversation, or playful touching of skin. Imagine you're watching the wine country film "Sideways" and in the middle of the 2nd act, Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden-Church, completely sober, just jumped into the sack and had sex for no apparent reason. There are equal amounts of flirting and sexual energy between both pairs of men in both films.
It is understandable that gay men, living in a place and time when homosexuality was still considered taboo, would conceal their attraction to each other. What is not understandable is that when they are alone or in private moments (before the sex scene), they never share a single smile or longing expression. If you went into this movie cold, with no publicity telling you it was a gay film, their sex would catch you by surprise. Oliver is always with a beautiful woman and did I mention Elio's much too successful sex with his girlfriend? Sure they're gay, evidently, but they sure as hell seem to need a beginners guide to understanding and communicating their attraction.
Reviews and synopses of this film explain the events that we are told happen but they really don't. They will say that Elio has a sexual relationship with Marzia and brags about it in front of Oliver to gauge his reaction, but nonetheless finds himself increasingly attracted to Oliver.
Um, really? Who told you that? Because nothing in this film tells us that at all. This is a film about two men ignoring each other while not pretending to be straight, but just flat out BEING straight....until suddenly they're not. Trolls and defenders will argue that anyone wanting more cues of their affections need everything spelled out for them. But you can't have a film that is constantly spelling out S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T and then suddenly shift into gay gear. It's misleading not only to the audience but to far too many straight people who already think two gay men in a room with each other will eventually have sex.
Spelling out their attraction could only have helped this movie because they do nothing interesting. They're in Italy in a tempest-tossed period of history but they don't seem to know it. Like all those films where Americans or Brits buy houses in Tuscany or Umbria or whatever, it's impossible to relate to their plight of being rich and bored.
Adding to the complexities of this film's failings is how the men look as though they are about two decades apart in age. Elio is 17 but Chalamet looks for all the world like he is 13, with his hairless, skinny, undeveloped body. Meanwhile, the dashing Hammer's character is 24 but looks every bit of 34.
In a movie year when Kevin Spacey was literally removed and replaced from the movie "All the Money in the World" for being grabby and inappropriate with young men while he was still in his 20s, this movie plows right ahead with this coupling and audiences and critics offered nary a word about how this MAN is suddenly having sex with this post-adolescent.
And then there's the absurd title. Take this moment to ponder what I am going to ask you. Contemplate the nature of someone you love. What is it that makes them special?
You know the answer immediately. It is their whole sense of "otherness," their particular blend of quirks and charm that delight you and fills you with their energy. Now, what sums up all that person is that captivates you? His or her name. You love saying it. You love hearing it. You love being reminded that this person exists in the world by hearing their name aloud. So, who in their right mind thought it would be charming for lovers to call each other by their own names? And not only that, but the moment in which these two start shouting their own names is just ridiculous! They appear to be unable to forget themselves and celebrate each other. It plays as badly timed narcissism.
That all being said, there are three lovely performances in this despite the enervated direction and content of the film. Timothée Chalamet earned his Oscar nod for inhabiting Elio so comfortably and playing him so smartly. Armie Hammer possesses all the physical gifts along with the self-entitled air that makes for the privileged American. One hopes this is the beginning of a career of great performances in the right material. As usual, Michael Stuhlbarg delivers a wonderful performance as Elio's father, and he delivers a lovely speech near the end of the film that will pull you in.
The ending of the film is beautiful and baffling at the same time. It is December and Oliver has returned home. He calls from the United States and talks to Elio's parents before talking to Elio himself. Oliver and Elio discuss their summer fling, about which Elio reveals his parents know about it. Then Oliver casually tells Elio that he is marrying a woman in the U.S.
Watching Elio's heart-rending reaction is the beautiful part. Chalamet finally gets to break free and emote and show how he feels about Oliver.
The baffling part is Oliver's complete ease after learning Elio's parents know about the relationship. Granted the parents are liberal and open-minded, but all parents stop being so liberal when they learn that one of their pre-adult children had sex with an adult houseguest. From the viewpoint of liberal or prude, the fact remains that Oliver betrayed the trust of his hosts. So if he is pent up with fear that he would be found out as gay that he is marrying a woman (or the alternative version that he wants an open relationship that can't had with a man in 1980s America), then why isn't he appropriately scared? Instead he is unbothered to learn Elio's parents know about their relationship, so there is a contradiction afoot: Either he is such a slave to society's thinking that he is marrying a woman, and, hence he would be alarmed at the news of Elio's parents' knowledge of their affair, or he isn't constrained by such fears, which means he wouldn't be wasting his time marrying a woman. At the very least, his Oliver's affair with Elio wouldn't be considered proper behavior for a grad student in the eyes of parents if not the letter of the law.
Yet this conundrum sums up the whole film. It is constantly removing conflict, hence removing any reason to watch it. The closest to a disagreement anyone comes is a playful spat between Elio and Oliver about how the former plays the piano. It's a good enough moment to make you think the movie is going to kick in but, of course, it doesn't. It never does. It's just one boring moment of non-conflicting ennui after another.
The movie was made from the source novel by the same name and a friend encouraged me to read it. I did and....WOW! What a great book. The very first pages tell us about Elio's longing and attraction for Oliver...you know...the way human beings function by revealing their desires. It's a great book that is heartfelt and open and explains why so many people had an idea of what to expect when they saw this film. It would make a great movie. What a shame this movie isn't it. A sad and total waste of an opportunity for a film that will not age well into the future.