Terrible Pretentious Nonsense. Are you joking??

Rating: 2/10 (12 March 2018)

I genuinely do not understand the hype of this Movie.
Armie Hammers Character is supposed to be a 24 year old Grad Student. The man is a solid 31 (Born 1986) who looks to be in his late 30's, whether that be from costume, or makeup. So to picture either one of them as a young adolescence exploring each others sexuality, is not there. It looks more like an old man trying to (and failing at) seducing a young uninterested boy.
His character should have been recast at the first table reads. Armie Hammer makes Oliver seem like a pretentious showboating creep, and the random acting from happy, to laughing, to dancing in the street, to screaming,t o anger...it's all over the map and it;'s terrible.
The screenwriter should have his Oscar revoked. There was Absolutely no Chemistry between the two main characters, which didn't help that their dialogue, body language, and facial expressions towards each other was uncomfortable and forced. In the book, the internal dialogue of Elio's longing for Oliver is rampant, NONE of that is Portraid on screen for the first half of the movie, so when it finally happens, it's seems so unrealistic and forced.
An example, When Oliver reaches out to Elio to help his shoulder, The actors cringing and pulling away does NOT give the idea that he's interested, or fighting back emotions he can't control. He seems to be frankly disturbed by this man touching him.
It also doesn't help that for the first half hour these two male characters showing their interest in women, from (HORRIBLY) dancing with them, to rendezvous in the water, to dates in the city, to sexual encounters in a field, to a secondary planned out encounter in an attic, NONE of that is any indication that Elio is interested in Oliver, at all!! But they talk to each other in riddles at a war monument and it's supposed to be believed that they're talking about a homosexual attraction that Elio has for Oliver.
Can I also mention the forced plot movement, from the mom randomly reading to her husband and 17 year old son about a prince who just doesn't know how to tell a princess how he feels....or the father and his slides of young desirable men, just beckoning to be touched.... to the songs in the car, or alley, about new love. That's poor writing when you have to dumb down the story so much that you're TELLING the audience "This is the part in the story where the characters have to tell each other hoe they feel, and this is the part when they're going to have sex"
And what was with the editing? The cinematographer should give his head a shake....Apparently the scene in which Elio is sitting in the garden and the Music is playing while those blue filters and visible film was from an issue with the physical film of the movie, but it didn't fit into the movie in any way! Or going from a full orchestra backing to immediate cut to silence to the bizarre jump cuts....
A perfect example of being pulled out of a scene, Oliver and Elio are spinnign and twirling randomly in a field, then on a Mountan, screaming the whole time like idiot children with too much sugar. Then it cuts to a midnight scape in a stone street alley, where they're twirling on the wall, Oliver randomly runs over to peple, grabs a woman, pulls her to an exact spot and starts dancing with her like a drunk uncle at a Wedding Reception. Then, out of NOWHERE provoked by NOTHING Elio Throws up. We then immediately cut to then kissing, then Oliver naked in a window, with Elio in bed, then a train station.
Where did that come from?! Why did he throw up?? What was with the dancing? Where was the explanation for any of this? Was it just not important enough to be adapted from the book? Did Elio HAVE to throw up?!
The only redeeming factor was the Robin Williams Stand in Father, talking to his son. Which, for a father to be that accepting, in 1983.....Is the most fantastical part of this movie.
The ENTIRE time I watched this movie I wanted to scream out "WHAT IS HAPPENING?! WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" I felt like there were ants on my skin as I tried to piece together why SO many people insisted I just HAD to see this movie. I truly do not understand the Hype.