Mmm, A Boring Film About Twink Love

Rating: 6/10 (28 April 2018)

I heard mixed reviews, so, was not sure if I would see this. We liked the trailer so thought we might like it. This for me was a long, drawn out, boring, not believable Stealing Beauty. While the Liv Tyler film was also slow and very similar, there was something likable about it. Both had beautiful scenery and seemed to parade young people's coming of age, first sexual encounters, and the European casualness surrounding sexuality. What I was very confused by is how Kevin Spacey was blackballed and dragged through the mud for misunderstanding cues by an underage guy in the '80s and then months later this movie is praised and yet is about the relationship of a man and a boy of similar ages in the '80s. Seems extremely hypocritical and a bit disturbing.
Other than that this film had a tinge of creepy. I just did not get their relationship or on what planet Armie Hammer would be interested in this kid. I thought it was just me so I asked some gay male friends that are a similar age to Armie Hammer and they both did not get it either and their criticism of the pairing was harsher than mine. First of all, I'm shocked Armie Hammer is in his early 30s. I thought he was late 30s to early 40s. The whole time watching the film I was thinking, "He looks like his father. What is romantic about some guy 20+ years older pursuing this kid?" It seemed very Lolita to me. I was also shocked to find out the book was about a 26 yr-old having an affair with a teen boy. On no planet does Armie Hammer look 26.
I just got the impression that this was some Roman Polanski style infatuation with twink boys because I did not find the relationship remotely believable. I'm sure the people who find this film beautiful and remarkable are guys like Bryan Singer and his cadre of old, creepy producer and casting friends. Armie Hammer is this Adonis who can hook up with anyone and Elio is this twerpy, annoying, dorky-cute teen that I can't imagine any grown man being attracted to let alone in love with unless, like I said, he fits into the Roman Polanski camp of dating teen French girls and dropping them off at high school. And, of course, like a classic Italian film, the parents know about it and are super chill about the affair.
I also did not believe the pretentious scene where Elio, a 17 yr-old boy wanted to lay in his mother's lap while she read him 15th century German literature. Give me a break. This also played into the fantasy of some old dude's brain of Grinder fan fiction. I know American brainiacs who spent their teen years in Europe and they were obsessed with comic books and Dungeons & Dragons and dreaming of getting a girlfriend someday.
The scenery in the film is beautiful...that's about all the film has. It's not a terrible film, it's just a bit creepy, unbelievable, and very slow without much payoff...other than the scenery and the romance of living in Europe.