Elegant and painfully passionate

Rating: 8/10 (22 October 2018)

There were many scenes in this movie that stuck with me, most of which have probably been discussed to death (the dad, the peach, the sheer pleasure of sitting around reading, swimming, and doing whatever you want unsupervised).
I think as an American, one of the things that stuck to my bones was how the parents reacted to their son's sexuality. I don't mean his homosexuality. I mean, sexuality as a whole. Despite most of the key characters being American, they all have a European sensibility that it very rare to see here in the US. One could argue that the movie itself could be making a social comment about open, honest European views of sex vs. moralizing, restrictive American views.
First, the parents see their son is attracted to a man, so they do things to help facilitate that attraction by giving them the idea to travel alone together. They also let Elio and Oliver have their space in the house - they aren't monitoring Elio or "checking up on him," which I found refreshing.
Second, the parents are genuinely always there for Elio in helping him discuss sexual relationships. He is able to say to his parents out loud, "I could never be that open," a vulnerable statement I have trouble imagining ever having expressed to my parents. They simply reassure him; they don't nag or moralize him about sex. Of course, there's the scene with the father discussing his own sexual past and desires, openly and without judgment that exemplifies this behavior.
Third, the adults in the movie treat Elio respectfully with regards to his sexual encounters. For example, when Elio greets the older gay couple with Marzia and quickly gives her a kiss and loving pat, the adults simply maturely greet her and say hello. No one says "Ohhhhhhh! You have a GIRRRLFRIENND!!!!!!!!!" In the US, I find it typical that adults make teasing comments and condescending "jokes" about "how cute it is to have a crush" to teenagers. This moralizing can make teens internalize that they are doing something wrong, when they are actually doing something natural.
To see adults treat Elio respectfully and collegially, like a mature young adult for whom sex is one of many natural, positive experiences, filled me with hope, jealousy, and a strong feeling about the kind of parent one should be when one has teenagers. It's not very common you walk out of a movie thinking, "This movie has changed or informed the way I want to live my life" but this one has for me.
Last, I think we are in a particular time where we are really looking back on the 1980s with a specific nostalgia for a time when kids could just be kids, ride their bikes everywhere, have adventures, be home for dinner, then go out again and have more unsupervised adventures. Stranger Things, It, and this film all are really tapping into that nostalgia, albeit in slightly different ways.
The music in this movie is what I can only describe as beautiful, Sufjan's songs in particular stand out as incredibly moving. Visions of Gideon is an absolute soul crusher. The music added to the atmosphere of the movie, which was so warm and peaceful. It was so refreshing to see a movie about two men in a relationship that didn't end with one of them dying or angry parents, nothing of the sort. Time is the villain here, and I think that makes it all the more tragic.