Beautiful snoozefest

Rating: 4/10 (2 June 2018)

With critics and film afficionados inventing new superlatives to describe it, I really want to love this film. Cinema needed a new entry in gay romance that could take its place alongside Brokeback Mountain. Alas, this is not it.
Set in the 1980s, the story centers on the summer love affair that develops between 17-year-old Elio (Timothee Chalamet) and visiting grad student Oliver (Armie Hammer), who shows up to assist Elio's professor dad at their idyllic Italian villa. The film touches on all the pitfalls and heightened emotions of first love between two erudite and well-spoken guys. The parents are present throughout, but pretty much leave Elio to his own devices, to write his music, read and fantasize.
The film largely has two things going for it. First is the beautiful photography. Everything looks lush and intoxicating - the villa, the quaint Italian villages, and gorgeous scenery. Second is Chalamet's lead performance. He disappears into the role of Elio - never for one moment do we not believe that this is who he is. The intelligence, the emotion, all are genuine. Although not a fan of the film, I think this performance is easily better than Gary Oldman's bring-out-the-latex Winston Churchill that took the Best Actor award this year. It will be interesting to see if Chalamet can maintain the acting momentum in his next roles.
That said, the film is well over two hours and does not merit that length by a long shot. As beautiful as the scenery can be, director Luca Guadagnino spends absurd amounts of time focusing endlessly on fountains and streets and trees to the point where one wants to shout at the screen to get on with it already. While establishing the scene is important, a little less of Elio's parents and visitors having long-winded philosophical conversations to hammer home the point that we are walking among brilliant, high-minded individuals would also have been welcome. It truly seems forever for the leads to acknowledge their attraction and act on it, and that is the crux of the film.
A big failure is that every great love story needs chemistry. As terrific as Chalamet is in bringing his character to life on screen, he cannot generate any chemistry with co-star Hammer. In my mind, Hammer suffers from something I tend to call "The Idris Elba Syndrome" in that everyone keeps stressing what a fantastic and charismatic performer he is and I really want to like him, but I find him more often than not stiff and uninvolving. Here is no exception. I give him credit for taking on what is apparently still a stigma of playing a gay role, but there is not an ounce of chemistry with Chalamet. While physically Hammer fits the bill of the glamorous movie star-like American visitor (I keep waiting for him to reach under the table and bring up a box of toothpaste to shill) that is about all he brings here. He looks a bit long in tooth to be a 25-year-old grad student. He keeps referring to working on papers and is given a moment to wow us with his intellect wherein he corrects Elio's dad on something - but the dialogue seems unbelievable coming out of his mouth. He captivates all the young women in town who gaze at him adoringly on the dance floor and discuss his prowess as a dancer - another laughable moment since Hammer looks more like someone suffering palsy than dancing. Worst of all, in the romantic moments, he is stiff, stiff, stiff. We know ahead of time that Oliver and Elio will eventually part at the end of summer, but we should not already be acknowledging that Elio can do better.
Another problem is how staid the film is given its purported bona fides as being an "erotic" tale of first love. The much-ballyhooed notorious peach scene seems more American Pie-ish than erotic. When Elio and Oliver finally have their first love scene, the camera moves from the still partially clothes actors to a minute-and-a-half stationary shot of a tree outside the window. Really? If the actors and/or the director were this timid, why not just fade to black rather than have a lengthy shot of a tree? If any film called out for some degree of nudity, it is this one, but all we get is brief or blink-and-you'll miss it shots. Chalamet briefly bares his rear walking into the bathroom to change. You would need a bionic eye to catch a split second shot of Hammer pulling up his bathing trunks, while his only other revealing scene takes place in such darkness by a window that it could be Kate Smith standing there. Ironically, we get more skin from a topless supporting actress in a tete-a-tete with Elio. The male nudity in this film could easily have passed unedited in a PG-rated film - I am pretty sure Cops and Robbersons had more lengthy nudity. Producer/writer James Ivory complained to the press about the timidity of American actors and their refusal to do frontal or casual nude scenes when the material called for it - and he has a point here. Perhaps at least Hammer's role should have gone to a European actor that could assimilate an American accent. As it stands, instead of eroticism, we get a rather staid and dull series of coyly filmed encounters - and let's not forget that tree!
By the end, I was struggling to stay awake and actually was mentally urging Elio and Oliver to part. Michael Stuhlbarg as Elio's dad gets an inspiring speech at the end, but you may well have wished the film ended a good thirty minutes previously. I am all for further explorations into gay romance and look forward to them, but I certainly hope that they are more successful than Call Me By Your Name. Perhaps in another 10-20 years someone will remake this effort with a bit of a pulse. It would be hard to better Chalamet, but the inclusion of a mannequin in Hammer's role may be an improvement. I know people love this film, but this was a really sad miss for me.