Ist es besser zu reden oder zu sterben? Is it better to speak or to die?

Rating: 10/10 (7 May 2018)

SPOILER: This question, quoted from a French novella (recited in German by his mother) will trigger something in Elio, the 17-year-old son of the Perlman family. This will be the first step towards growing up, at least as far as emotional things are concerned, of which he, he reveals at some point, knows nothing about .
He decides to speak. And by actually doing so, namely revealing his feelings to the man who hasn't left his mind since his arrival in his family's holiday villa, he raises the relationship between him and this man to a level that will change both lives. This man is Oliver: an American studen of Jewish faith, like the Perlman family itself, almost ten years older than Elio, beautiful like an ancient statue with a deep and very erotic voice. He spends the summer with the family "somewhere in Northern Italy" to help Elios father, a professor of ancient history and art, with his works and, incidentally, get to know the Italian "Dolce Vita".
About half of the movie's play time passes until this happens (more than an hour). Until then, the film seduces us with a summer feeling that drips out of all pores in every scene and then breaks our hearts very, very slowly from the second half on. The special thing about this film is that it never puts the love between the two men and also between Elio and his childhood friend Marzia into perspective or makes a comedy about them. The feelings of all these people are taken very seriously. This is not a romantic comedy, even if there are funny moments of course. And it's not a plot-driven drama in the usual sense with dozens of twists and turns! It does not follow the usual hollywood-like pattern: reception, conflict and resolution. None of that here! This is an impressionistic film without much plot except for this very simple love story. We dive into this world at a certain point, live together with the characters. Just lay back and enjoy! A less attentive viewer will probably miss it that something is developping between Elio and Oliver but it happens. A lot is communicated via codes. Nothing is spoken directly. I imagine that some people find that boring over the long distance. I think it´s great.
The whole first part is a single foreplay, seemingly without a goal at first. Both boys also flirt with girls and even after their first kiss, they don't immediately throw themselves into each other's arms. The whole push-and-pull game goes on for quite a while. There is a very nice scene in which Elio Oliver plays various variations of Bach's "Capriccio (about the departure of his beloved brother)", which he has assumingly dedicated to his brother. Here Elio dedicates it to his heartthrob. This whole film is full of eroticism, tenderness and symbolism, as the title: "Call me by your name" suggests. A kiss in the grass, a hand that touches another, a peach (and no apple!) that gets special attention from both of them. All this is played so beautifully and completely without kitsch, because it has been fought hard for by Elio against his own reason and speechlessness. Everything simply feels right and compelling. Oliver takes Elio under his wing as he doesn't let up. During her first sex he shows a very tender consideration for the younger one, nothing is pushed, both may show their insecurities and nervousness, a very great scene.
Simply everything about this film is beautiful. But it doesn't seem unnatural or artificial either: The house seems a bit run-down but not spick and span. There are no exaggerated sunsets but nevertheless a beautiful light in every scene. The landscape of Lombardy is beautiful but not spectacular. The family is wealthy, but they don't drive expensive cars or wear extraordinary clothes. They belong to an academic elite, but they also watch idiotic Italian music shows together. Women used to wear sweaty blouses here.
The great music, by the way, is always fitting, piano pieces by Bach or Ravel, 80s Italopop music, and three modern pieces by Sufjan Stevens. Really great the song "Love My Way" by the Psychedelic Furs: "...Love my way, it's a new road, follow where my mind goes" That's the main theme here! But there are also many scenes without music, but only silence and cricket chirping.
The actors Timothée Chalamet as the love-hungry Elio and Armie Hammer as the reluctant Oliver are great. The movie doesn't really give much away what they usually do, where they come from or what they think. Little is said, but looks, gestures and body language say everything what is important at this very moment. The film just lives in the present (summer of 1983). When both are together on screen, there are mainly totals and only rarely close-ups to capture their body language.
I find Oliver even more interesting than young Elio. In the book of the same name you really learn almost nothing about him. Here he is a real person, who may also show vulnerability and affection in the second half, after he remained rather an erotic projection surface first, although also a few of his characteristics are shown rather casually. Pay attention here to: overflowing egg yolk, gulped down apricot juice and an iconic dance performance in a village disco to the Psychedelic Furs, where Elio can´t get his eyes off of him.
The film also creates something special here: it brings together the universality of a "first love" and the pain associated with it, and then also the peculiarities of a gay / queer relationship. As paradisiacal as the whole setting appears, at a second glance it is not at all. Despite all liberality: both boys have internalized that they can express their love only indirectly and cannot live it openly. In public spaces they can hardly hold each other's hands, let alone kiss each other. When Elio shows up with Marzia, who seems to be pretty clear about what's going on in Elio, making out with her, it can happen completely openly. Elio actually boasts about it.
There are differences to the book, but many essential elements and scenes have remained the same, especially the melancholic mood. Some things can't be filmed for the cinema at all. The novel is quite graphic about sex. I recommend to read the book to anyone who liked the film. It is told entirely from the first person's perspective by Elio and is more of an introspective and a memory. For me it was even more heartbreaking than the film: Here Elio and Oliver meet again after 15 and 20 years. Here Elio finally realizes that Oliver was the love of his life: "We had the stars you and I. and this is given once only."
Call Me By Your Name celebrates the beauty of love and above all the beauty of pain without which one has not really lived. It is an ode to our rich European culture back to antiquity, whose ideals resonate here again and again.
I also had such a summer in Tuscany in 1985 with a youth group, when I was 18: In an old farmhouse run by Germans: Orchards and vineyards, an open kitchen with cooks from the next village, who could be watched preparing the food. We joined a village festival and a local girl asked me to dance with her under the lanterns and everyone could see it. There was a small reservoir neaby where you could go swimming. Someone had a guitar with him and always played when he was in the mood. Once on arrival we phoned our parents, otherwise not any more, there were no mobile phones yet. Everything from Italy that can be seen in the film is real. And I once had an "Oliver" who I shared exactly the same first name as myself. So we didn't even had to change it. But all that not at the same time, of course. This film has brought up all these memories. I could empathize with everything.
I also want to mention another film I saw last year that I love as much as CMBYN: God's Own Country. Also this movie is very sensual and erotic but the setting couldn't be more different. And yet these two films do something that is still quite new in the film: they portray gay love as something natural and beautiful and ennobling. Something that is not controversially discussed, questioned or relativized. This is the ideal where we want to get to in real life