Burn Before Watching.... Spoiler That May save you 10$ backs and 2 hours of your life

Rating: 1/10 (17 September 2008)

This has to be the lamest attempt at a movie plot in the Cohen brothers' career. This movie attracted viewers solely on their name alone. Brad Pitt was the shining jewel in this travesty and he gets the ax, BY ACCIDENT!!! Who the puck cares about Linda's 4 part surgery. It's just to make herself feel better? She was obviously too ignorant to realize that she looked beautiful to those around her and it wasn't like it was a necessary or life saving procedure. Ozzy Cox was totally on the rebound after the shyt hits the fan with his wife divorcing him and what does he get? A COMA. Nice. He could have dished out some vengeance on those succeeding in make his life hell but NO. Everyone is sleeping with everyone which connects people unknowingly yet no one really gets found out. Thank you for movie tension that goes nowhere. The Russians waste even more time by telling the dimwitted protagonists that their information on Cox is ultimately useless. Scenes of Clooney building his "Mystery Machine" kills you slowly when its only to find out that its a "Sit on it and Go Puck Yourself" Machine. Literally!!! The chair he secretively builds has a pucking dildo in it that goes up and down as the occupant, I imagine, moves back and forth while seated. OM-F-G HILARIOUS!!! If I'm gonna shell out 10 clams i should walk away from the the theater going, "Dam, that was a good movie!! I can't wait to talk about it with my friends!" Not, " Why the did i pay to see that? It might as well have been a movie length commercial." To be Honest, I happened to thoroughly enjoy the Cohen brothers work and they had yet to disappoint until i saw this skid mark of a film. Watching this is like "peeling your bark" without "falling a tree". You sit there, hacking away at waves of build up and tension, waiting for the climax to make sense of all this and NO. All you get is a cramp in your hand and a hole in your wallet where a 10 spot used to be. Meanwhile, The Cohen Brothers are laughing all the way to the bank. I know some of you reading this may totally disagree. Fair enough. All I know is that I wasn't the only one NOT laughing in the theater. And yes i know it wasn't supposed to be a comedy. But that's the only thing this movie had going for it and even that was scarce. Comparatively, No Country For Old Men was fantastic. If they were gonna do drama, do it like that. And The Big Lebowski was hysterical! If they wanted to do a comedy, they nailed it right on the head with that one. Even that movie had awkward situations that involved bumbling idiots who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and yet everyone walks away a little wiser and a lesson learned. But mix the 2 and you get an abortion of a film that is the one I'm trying to save you from watching. The point of a good movie, no matter what genre, should be that the viewer walks away WITH something. In this case, Run the hell away cause you ain't getting shyt. Now go buy a dime and thank me for helping you make a better investment than a ticket to this fecal filled feature of phucked uptitude. NEXT!!!