Powerfully lousy movie-making

Rating: 1/10 (26 December 2008)

This is the crappy movie the Coens have always hinted they have in them, and now this dreary, leaden, pointless dud is in the evidence archive for keeps. It's the best argument for why the Coens should never, ever stray from their formula again. 'Burn After Reading' is the kind of Mannerist, misguided movie you make just to keep working, rather than because you have a decent idea. Structurally it's incompetent. Characters and motivations are introduced (in maybe ten minutes) and then we're in a holding pattern for the rest of the movie. Nothing develops. All of the characters proceed to behave like thinly written morons from the "American Pie" movies. Scene after scene just sits there, piling up, one after another, defying the urge to entertain, building to nothing. There isn't a confident move made in the whole thing.
The cast all has a "Hooray, I won the lottery... I'm in the next Coen Bros movie!!" look on their faces. But the firepower just ends up being too heavy for this piddling idea (And when I call it an "idea," I'm being very gracious). You've never seen so many big names with so little to do. Despite all the super-positive energy on display, no one can convert this turd into something else. And no one is as lost as Brad Pitt, who tries to shoehorn a leading man effort into his small, dumb supporting part.
This is a comedy? Can the Coens tell a joke without over-explaining it like a pair of nerds? It was so very, very easy to tune this movie out and think about my utility bills, consider where I should go on my next vacation, compile a list of chores I needed to do, etc.. Just a terrible, terrible movie. Water-thin.