Love the Coen Bros. but I don't like this film

Rating: 5/10 (27 December 2010)

I would like to preface this review by saying that I love the Coen Bros. Millers Crossing is one of, if not my favorite movie ever made. I also love Barton Fink, Big Lebowski, O Brother Where Art Thou and of course, Fargo. How can anyone not love them? The films are gripping, the dialog sharp, smart and whip fast and my favorite, how genteel scenes can occur right after scenes of intense violence (Barton Fink is a prime example).
All that said, I hate this film. I mean I have seen far, far worse films (The Last Airbender, Dragonball Evolution, An American Carol) but while these films were pretty doomed from the get go (except maybe ATLA but I don't want to get into a Shyamalan rant here) this film had potential. It did not meet said potential.
The plot is this: a retiring CIA agent played by John Malkovich plans to write a memoir but leaves behind a CD containing his memoir that is picked up but two incredibly dumb trainers, one of whom played by Frances McDormand wants to get plastic surgery. Her and the other guy played by Brad Pitt think its government secrets and try to sell it to the Russians. While all this is going on, a character played by George Clooney is having an affair with the retired agents wife while also entering an affair with McDormand...AND also while growing paranoid at the realization he's being followed. Naturally given that this is a Coen Bros. film, things go spectacularly wrong and lives are lost.
Okay, now for my biggest gripe about the film -- the characters. For me, there is absolutely no reason to care about any of them. I mean films like Miller's Crossing and Fargo work so well because we care for the characters -- Tom as he tries to navigate his way through a dangerous underworld and Officer Marge as she moves in on our antagonists. We care about them and we watch to see what happens. In "Burn After Reading" there is no reason because all of the main characters are terrible people. McDormand's character is incredibly selfish and vapid, Pitt's character is just vapid while the other characters are just defined by their flaws which gets tedious after awhile.
Overall, there are worse films out there and apparently even worse Coen Bros. films (Ladykillers) but this one was just plain boring.
Now if you're done looking through this, go watch Miller's Crossing if you haven't before, it is truly special.