Not as good as we are requested to think

Rating: 3/10 (15 January 2009)

This movie seemed to have a lot of promise. I loved No Country for Old Men, and was looking forward to a movie with the same level of craftsmanship. What I got was a poorly acted hour and a half of hope-crushing, nerve-wracking discomfort. From the very beginning the movie is irritating, in no small part due to John Malkovich playing another creepy weirdo with nothing redeeming to say or do. Essentially, everyone is sleeping with everyone without any of the hi-jinx that would have broken the atmosphere of quiet unpleasantness that leads up to the unforgivable conclusion. This movie seems to have the theme "All nice people get killed and all the bad people get to live". There were only two good characters in the movie, and both of them die in gruesome fashion that would make an avid Robot Chicken watcher flinch. Brad Pitt was almost adorable as a vaguely gay gym employee whose "good Samaritan" plan is perverted by his insecure friend who spends the whole movie complaining about her appearance. Her machinations end up dooming him, as well as the only other decent character; Richard Jenkins' "Ted". Ted is her boss who is in love with her and discouraging her from getting her plastic surgery. They both die for her mistakes and she gets to have her surgery. The characters were intended to come off as quirky and bumbling, but they just read as boring. Also, for the first few minutes I thought John Malkovich was doubling roles as both Ozzy and Linda. Some of the gags and scenarios were mildly funny, but the movie as a whole dragged on and left me with a bad taste in my mouth. If you're an apathetic, antisocial, self-described intellectual teenager, this movie may appeal to you. If you are a decent person it will likely fall flat. Shock value at being made intimately aware of the contents (physical) of Brad Pitt's head does not make a good movie. Also, my summary of Clooney's role was that I almost forgot to mention it here. He was there the whole time, but he was mostly a foil. Maybe my expectations were too high, but from now on I will trust no reviews but my own.