Awful except by wonk standards

Rating: 1/10 (9 July 2010)

My wife and I had the misfortune to watch this film at Tysons Corner just outside of Washington, DC. The multiplex was filled with Washington Metro area professionals and government wonks. They loved it. I viewed it, and them, as good examples of why the founding fathers started a revolution in the first place.
The film was numbingly pompous and smug along with the viewing audience. It begins with a satellite view of DC. "Wow!", the viewers and directors thought, "This is what DC looks like from a satellite! We're COOL!" Like they never used google maps before. It went downhill from there (for me at least.) The actors were all A-list but tragically, weren't acting. Or in the case of Brad Pitt, just acted BADLY. He was awful and unconvincing and his accent was so fake (whatever accent he was trying to make, perhaps southern?) that his character appeared mentally retarded. Maybe that's what he was going for but it only appeared to be a mentally retarded actor portraying someone stupid.
Malkovich is a splendid actor who, like Eastwood and Schwartzenneggar, used their typecasting to fit into roles that audiences loved to see again and again. The problem with this spy film was that he was so typecast into such a predictable role, he didn't even need to say his lines. They could have been read off by a Malkovich impersonator which is what he seemed to be portraying.
And perhaps that's the problem with the film: It was a bunch of actors given too much free rein to rest on their laurels or ad-lib that it made me question if a director was there who cared about the performances or if they just left the actors and cameramen to do as they pleased. It's funny sometimes in comedy where there's a good premise, but this one didn't have it.
There was absolutely nothing new here. NOTHING. Big name actors. Check. Spy plot. Check. Cool street scenes to prove it was filmed in DC. Check. Yawn.
At least with Battlefield Earth, the awfulness was spontaneous in it's own way. "Here's a rat for you to eat, Human." That's FUNNY! The wait in line to pick up the tickets was more suspenseful than this bilge.