Apply Razor To Wrists and Repeat

Rating: 1/10 (8 June 2015)

So the walking dead Cher ('Laugh In') and Christina Aguilera want to make a movie? Here comes the pain baby here comes the pain! What's next? Pauly Shore teams up with Jerry Lewis?
The plot: imagine every movie clichés in history. Small town girl wants to make it as star in the big city. An older mentor shows her the way. In Cher's case she's a really older mentor. The nightclub is about to be foreclosed on by evil greedy slime balls. Yup, that's the plot. There's nothing else to say.
Now get ready for the celebrity cameos. I have no idea why they think they can save this movie. Have celebrity cameos ever saved any movie? Celebrity cameos have only ever worked in goofy comedies like 'Back To the Beach.' See what I mean? The best example of celebrity cameos in film history is 'Back To the Beach!' They don't work!
So Christina Aguilera goes to work at a burlesque club in LA. And it's not a gay bar! WTF? Do burlesque shows even exist outside the gay night life? Even burlesque shows in Nazixploitation films are gay bars! Whatever.
Cher has obviously had way to much plastic surgery and should accept her age gracefully.... Is what I said in 1985! In 2010 this is just ridiculous! Even the most die hard Cher fan is ashamed of the way she looks. Lucio Fulci had zombies that weren't as scary as her.
So their nightclub is threatened by evil condo developers. How can they solve this problem? Put on a show of course! No! They don't do anything! Cher just talks the developer out of buying their nightclub. Yup, that's the climax.
In summary, I've had root canals better than this film. I'd rather endure Chester Novell Turner and Godfrey Ho's entire filmographies than see one minute of this! This isn't even worth seeing to laugh at. It's just bad. Really really bad on every level.