LA Cabaret

Rating: 5/10 (2 June 2016)

At least it's got Cher, and the iconic "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend". There isn't much else to see or listen to. Annoyingly unoriginal story about an ambitious, small town Iowa girl named Ali (Christina Aguilera), who leaves the slow lane for the fast lights and glitter of L.A.
There, she too easily lands a job at a nightclub overseen by Tess (Cher). The club features small tables and a stage whereupon mini-clad young ladies dance, lip-sync to the music, and pose evocatively for mostly male patrons. Ali gets her chance to replace the lead performer. Along the way, various characters and incidents intersperse the club's stage numbers to keep the contrived plot moving along.
You get the feeling that the entire script was written for Aguilera. Yes, she can sing, if by singing you mean yelling out lyrics attached to modern rap beats, nominally called "music", devoid of melody or substantive meaning. Aguilera specializes in loudness. The stage numbers start out fine, before Aguilera horns in, but then deteriorate. The final stage number reeks of cringe inducing, vapid noise.
Further, Aguilera is miscast. She looks too little-girl innocent in the first half; in the second, with all that garish makeup and posing, she looks horribly fake. Cher is better cast and I like her backstage presence. Performances are okay. Indoor lighting looks convincing. But the stage seems to change size; in one scene, it looks small, in another, overwhelming.
I would have preferred a more unpredictable plot, more emphasis on Cher's character, a different actor for the Ali character, and stage numbers that didn't sound like they came from the portfolio of Justin Bieber. Still, the presence of Cher elevates "Burlesque" to borderline entertaining. It's worth a one-time watch.