One huge giant cliché

Rating: 3/10 (8 July 2011)

This movie was so bad it was funny, one giant cliché after another It reminded me of PG-rated version of Showgirls
-small town girl who slaves in a diner gets stiffed by her boss
-so she take a bus to LA to fulfill her dreams

works as bartender at a glitzy, non-porno Burlesque club, moves in with one of the bartender, they have a crush on each other

her roommate is an aspiring songwriter, who works on this little 2 octave keyboard and notates everything out

she gets an audition, the boss ( Cher) who is a has-been performer, gives her a break after our starlet begs and begs.

gratuitous gay back-stage manager

she catches the attention of a rich patron, who tried to corrupt her, has a huge mansion in the Hollywood Hills.

eventually the old star ( who's a drunk and a slut) of the show gets envious and quits.

the bar is in dire financial straights, the bank is circling to foreclose.

our new star and her roommate finally make love.

Cher and Christina barge into the office of a wealthy land developer ( James frigging' Brolin) and convince him to buy their club.

their club is saved, yay! happy ending ensues. Even the envious drunk slut returns to apologize in what can be compared to a very Brady moment.

Of course everything is improbable, predictable, neat and pretty ( pretty lame). The dialog is plastic and one-dimensional. Obviously this was a vehicle for Aguilera to get pushed thru the Hollywood star mechanism. I swear the girl must have had bot-ox or is on Lexipro, cause even when she smiles she has no emotion- its uncanny. She always has this vacant disconnect like no matter how hard she tries to be there- strangely she isn't.
Then there is Cher, who still looks pretty damn good for 65. She must have negotiated the solo performance in the contract. It really brought the film down to a screeching halt and served no purpose. At least no obvious Auto-Tune on her vocals this time.
I know quite a lot about burlesque, and there is very little in this film. Burlesque is a bit more risqué and a LOT less Fosse. There is no skit work,bad jokes, or pasties and only one number where the act actually strips. Actually the film doesn't foray into any explanation of burlesque at all.
Lastly, there is the music and how it ties into the film. The point of this club was the girls lip- synced to standard burlesque songs.OK, I can go along with that but then why the need for the band? Good musicians ain't cheap and in cabaret licensed club- they get union scale. Since the club was bad off financially, the band must have cost them 6K a week, and the performers are already lip-syncing so WHY KEEP A BAND?!! Of course the mixes are slick studio sounding- not live at all which is what Christina uniquely offers to the club- the ABILITY TO SING LIVE! ARGH!!
Oh, and check out the remake of Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People" in the beginning and end credits: unforgivable.