"I'm so glad," Christina, "that you're not gay"

Rating: 5/10 (30 March 2011)

Corny is the best way to describe this chiched melodrama where Tess (Cher) must pay her debt to the villain before he repossesses the nightclub and tears it down. Christine Agulera plays Ali, a waitress from a small town who struggles to find a part in showbiz until she finds the struggling backward-looking burlesque club Cher owns. Of course, the dancer she must replace is drunk too often so the lucky break is tossed in her lap. Ali eventually falls in love with Jack while staying at his place after her apartment is broken into. But when the two finally find the same bed, her most romantic words are "I'm so glad you're not gay." She repeats this again. He finally decides to break up with his jealous fiancé and become engaged to her. Ali spends so much time dumping "don't bug me" lines on all the guys, can we ask: Are Ali and Tess gay? Are they in love? Could Cher and Christina Agulera be gay? The dance numbers have all the sex appeal of cold water dumped in your face. Christina's acting skills have not grown much since she was in The New Mickey Mouse Club.