"single moment of artless,charmed happiness'

Rating: 10/10 (13 April 2006)

Another Google Alert this evening led me to an 'Apple' trailer for ole Brokeback, and watching it again, I was moved to hot tears, as it was reminding me vividly of my last visit to the cinema to see it all.
Reiterating all the superlatives applied to the film seems like 'gilding the lily' to me, sufficient to say that all the hundreds of reports and comments I've read, praising everything about the film, the story, the direction, the music and the acting, and all the rest, I support from my heart. Instead, may I offer some random thoughts on this unique cinema experience!
So many memories.; the way Ennis rides a horse, like a centaur; and his warm, loving smile for Jack after they had separated the two flocks of sheep; the hot embrace after four years apart, and Jack, night watching the sheep under a white moon. Alma storming off 'all shoulders' for the extra shift after their shouting match; Ennis' obvious love for his little girls; and the two guys in the tent on the second night, with Jack waiting almost religiously, and Ennis like a young groom on his wedding night going so uncertainly to his beloved. Somebody else wrote that they 'had never seen gay sex seem so 'manly'', and it's so true it breaks my heart. Ricardo, an earlier contributor, referred to Ennis and Jack's first mating being as between two cougars. I like that immensely, for anyone watching big cats mating, in nature programmes, would see, certainly not love, not even lust, but a truly beautiful primal force of nature at work. I wonder if Annie Proulx ever read Mary Renault's novels about Alexander and his lifelong friend Hephaestion, another story of male bonding without effeminacy. Mary Renault (a lesbian lady of phenomenal sensibility) wrote of strong manly bonding too.
I ache for the DVD, here in rural England, where I spent a lonely confused childhood and early adulthood. I never consciously spoke to another 'gay' until I was almost thirty, by which time I was set irrevocably onto a solitary path. I was never an Ennis to look at (or Mr Ledger for that matter!), but I do know about incomplete love, it's hellish. I fell heavily in love with a straight guy before I knew it, and the inevitable rejection almost unhinged me. I 'lost' ten years of my life coming to terms with what I was not allowed. I still treasure items, thirty years later, which were Robert's; so I understand totally Ennis' need for those shirts! In the short story Annie Proulx wrote how the guys were shaking when they met after four years, I remember how I shook at times when Rob was near.
I'm much too old now for the emotions that have been so fiercely reawakened by this film, I know I should be setting my sights on eternity, but love is indeed a force of nature, and doesn't let go! The need to love remains as fierce now as when the blood still ran so hot, so perhaps it is indeed not about physical need at all. Seeing Ennis alone in the diner, eating his pathetic bit of apple pie, resonates with me quite strongly, for that is me too, thirty years down the line, with my couple of pints in the pub each night, together with my paper or a book, all geared to keeping the loneliness and isolation at bay. Sometimes it all seems so pointless, but even with all the down side I wouldn't have wanted to miss the roller coaster ride of knowing the reality of love, just once.
More memories. Their last night in the tent, with Ennis holding a sleeping Jack so protectively, and Jack's anguished "I wish I knew how to quit you"; Jack's mournful face when he's being propositioned by the rancher; Roberta Maxwell as Jack's loving, understanding mum, with her hand on Ennis' shoulder, "You are welcome to go up in his room if you want", said like a queen bestowing an honour; and Kate Mara as equally perceptive Alma Junior probably knowing the source of his pain, and loving him anyway, calling him 'daddy' with a caress in her voice; and Linda Cardellini who might have been Ennis' second chance if things had been different, I noticed them all at the first of my nine cinema viewings, and even Peter McRobbie too as Jack's dad, a deeply unpleasant, sad character. I feel the need to name them with the principals, for their splendid acting and deeply significant characters.
A couple of nagging thoughts remain with me, would I have felt such involvement, even empathy, if the two protagonists had been as Annie Prouxl described them (quite plain, certainly not film stars); and too, if Jack hadn't moved on Ennis, would he (Ennis) have ever discovered, or acted upon his attraction to his own sex, or did his one off, unique love for Jack defy labels, and any way does it matter? Sexuality is such a grey area; no wonder fearful (and full of fear!) bigots become so worried and agitated! I cannot remember, in a long cinema going life, ever being so moved and shaken up by a film, and recommend it to everyone. I urge those who think we choose to be gay, simply to BE perverse, to see the film if they dare, and think of the love and need, instilled in us before birth as surely as the colour of our hair, and then ask themselves if it is reasonable or just to tell us we ought to suppress our nature.
My header is from Annie Proulx' short story; who is able to say more in half a dozen words than Charles Dickens could in three pages. I'm sorry for writing so much, but it seemed necessary. Best Wishes everyone.
Sam.