Movies don't affect me like this.

Rating: 10/10 (17 December 2005)

Not a review proper, but what I need to say all the same.
Last night I saw Brokeback Mountain for the second time, and for the second time I came out of the theatre thinking, I was only in there for two hours. How can I feel so entirely different from when I went in?
It's not a detached sadness, not at all. It's a grief, a feeling that I was watching the whole time and could do nothing, a suspicion that so much time has passed and left so many stories behind. I am not an emotional person, and yet each time the credits roll I have to take five minutes to myself, to rub my forehead and swallow the need to just break down. It's not fair, I think. It didn't have to happen that way. It didn't.
I forgot I was watching actors. I feel like it all happened to real people. I feel...
Broken. It gives me an ache in my gut. Jack and Ennis - I feel more fictional than they are.