Wow. I Get Brokeback Mountain. And I Don't Like It.

Rating: 3/10 (25 January 2007)

Just to preface this, I'm independent. I don't care about sexuality, and I'd actually like it better if everyone were bi-sexual so politics aren't an issue. There's nothing homophobic about my review, it's completely based on the movie and not the subject content.
Okay. So. I watched Brokeback Mountain a few nights ago against my better judgment, because I usually boycott high-acclaim movies that are pretentiously geared towards the dramatically enlightened and sensitive citizens. To me, that's not entertaining. However, curiosity got the best of me and I gave in.
Let me go ahead and get this out of the way. The story was good, later on. Not great, just good. And it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it. That is always a plus. Not to mention, Anne Hathaway played a fantastic role and has definitely come along since the Princess Diaries.
Now, the bone that I have to pick with this movie. I have never been so utterly bored and uninspired by a movie in all my life. I would honestly rather watch Troll 2 of my own volition than ever have to see this painstaking movie again. Why? A number of reasons.
First of all, I have never seen such absolutely direction-less work. It's literally like Ang Lee just gave his actors and cameramen the book and just let them go with it. I mean, was there even an editor hired for this? Did they need one? If it wasn't for the few orchestral spots I honestly would've just given up on waiting for some sort of directional pulse. I mean, where's the vision? Where's the cinematic metaphors for all the intense pain that Ennis and Jack are going through? There're absolutely non-existent.
Not to mention, the holes in the storyline are borderline ridiculous. Everything seemed on-par whenever Jack and Ennis were herding in the mountains. OK, Ennis starts taking his clothes off right outside of Jack Twist's peripheral vision to change clothes, and what does Jack, the man who's attracted to him do? Nothing. He stares at a fire. OK, say you're a guy and you're walking down the street, and a good looking woman walks by. If you're attracted, you're going to look. Not only is it logical, it's true chemically. The same goes for women as well. Now, that would have been a nice little hint at the progression that Jack and Ennis were making towards wanting each other, because the moment they do have sex the first time, I felt so lost. It came out of nowhere. There was no hint of sexuality, no gay joke, lisps, anything. Nothing that was filmed showed any real hint of any homosexual tendencies, and then just out of the blue they're having sex with each other. Sure, people know what the movie is about on a rumor basis alone, but that doesn't account for sloppy story and script progression.
Oh yeah, did I mention the incredibly predictable ending? Let's just put it this way: in the first hour of the movie, either Jack or Ennis discuss a gay man who was found dead with his face smashed in. Scenes are shown where his face is beaten by a tire-iron. Guess how one of them dies? Sure, you could call it dramatic irony. Or, you could called it unoriginal storytelling.
After witnessing one of the most over-hyped movies in the history of moving pictures-nay, since hieroglyphics were the fad, I feel almost mentally destroyed that people defend this slop because its about the struggle of the gay man, and at it's heart a good love story. Look, I'm sure that at it's heart, Troll 2 was supposed to be scary. Was it? No. Why? Horrible direction. Granted, Brokeback Mountain isn't that bad, but it's not exactly a brilliant and stunning movie, either. Movies like this have been coming out for a long, long time. However, for some reason as soon as a movie about two gay guys played by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal comes out, it's Oscar time! When it comes down to the bare bones of the matter, Brokeback Mountain is at best a movie that could've been above-average if it wasn't for the completely lifeless and droning atmosphere and progression, and at its heart mainly just another movie for people who really don't know movies.