"If you can't fix it...you have to stand it."

Rating: 10/10 (30 May 2008)

This movie completely blew me away. The first time I seen it was about a week ago, and I caught it on TV. I didn't get to see the start of it, so I missed Jack and Ennis' time on the mountain. But, expecting a "gay cowboy" movie, I was pretty sure what had happened. But, as the story unfolded even more,I felt so guilty for labelling it such a simplistic, shallow, and cruel title. It is so much more. It is a heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, love story that whether you like it or not will move you deeply and stay with you for a long long time after watching it. When Ennis says, "I ain't queer," and Jack replies, "Me neither," I believe them. They're just two confused young men who only know that they shouldn't be feeling what they are feeling for each other.
The characters of Jack and Ennis to me, are not just charatcers of fiction, but have been portrayed so well that I believe them to be real people. I don't know why this movie affected me as I did. It's not relevant to me, I'm not confused about my sexuality, but this movie has stayed with me constantly since watching it about a week ago. After watching it on TV, I immediately went out the next day and bought it on DVD, and every night since buying it, have stayed up till roughly 2 in the morning, in order to watch it. And, of course, after watching it have lay awake for what feels like hours afterwards thinking about it. It feels like my "fix". I think about it during the day, but knowing that I'll watch it later on makes me feel better about it. And I'm always left at the end with the credits rolling, sobbing quietly to myself. I guess this is me not fixing it, but standing it. This movie just won't get out of my head. I feel united with everyone who seems to be describing the same 'sympthons' as me, with random scenes flashing into my head, and quoting it to myself. Sometimes this makes me smile, and other times I just want to go away and cry.
It's like it's become my obsession which I can't share with anyone else, because they'll think I'm weird. I did make my friend watch it with me the other day, but she didn't seem too bothered about it, which amazed me at how she couldn't be affected. But, she's one of these people who thinks that when no-one is talking, that makes a movie boring.
Every time I hear the first two notes of the completely brilliant and beautiful score, I break into sobs for what I know is coming over the next two hours. The music which accompanies this movie is brilliant, and captures the feel of it amazingly. All of Gustavo Santaolalla's score is outstanding and tugs at the heartstrings like nothing I've ever heard before. The song 'He was a friend of mine', and the lyrics 'Every time I think of him, I just can't help but crying" sums up how I feel about Jack and Ennis. And Wainwrights 'Maker Makes' another thing of beauty. The strange thing is, Brokeback has never made me cry tears, I sob dry-eyed watching the movie that has made me feel broken inside. Even though it sounds bad that it's making me feel so negative, this has become my favourite movie.
*SPOILER* My favourite scene in the whole movie, is the 'flashback' in the final scene that Jack and Ennis are in together. When Ennnis comes up behind Jack and holds him, it makes me smile, because they both look so happy and content with each other, having nothing else to worry about except the sheep, and it seems they have come to terms with what they feel. But, on coming down from the mountain this certainty wobbles and leads to the lie of the rest of their lives. The come-back to reality and the change in Jack's face from a look of happiness to one of utter brokenness is crushing.
And whenever the letter came back with 'deceased', I was in complete disbelief, I could not believe it. It felt like losing someone I had known.
I just feel like I had to leave a comment to try to get all of this emotion out of me, and help me "get over" this movie which has really messed me up, and left me with what feels like a grieving process, like I'm mourning the loss of Jack and the utter sadness Ennis is living in. The last three words, "Jack, I swear...", and the look in Ennis' eyes says so many things that words can't convey, and followed by the sorrowful strumming of 'The Wings' is something that breaks my heart even to think about. I don't think this movie will ever leave me, nor it's effect, but I think I need to get all this out of me somehow.
I would like to end with a Thank You to the people who made this movie what it is. If anyone else had tried, it could have been done so badly, but this movie is a beautiful masterpiece which will be remembered forever, by the people who felt its effect the most. The acting and the directing, the scenes accomplished are incredible.
The End.