It hurts so GOOD

Rating: 10/10 (30 January 2006)

I've seen this movie twice and will see it at least one more time in the theater. I will never be the same man again. I also bought the wonderful soundtrack and have played it dozens of times, usually with lots of tears. I've been "Shot to the heart".
Why this reaction from someone who rarely cries? Because during the late 70s, I lived my life in college as a gay man, looking for love "in all the wrong places" and never finding it. I've since married and have a wonderful son, but I still have the feelings and attractions. I haven't been with a man since college, but sometimes long for it (my wife knows this). I've come to the conclusion that the chances of leaving my wife and looking for a lover and being as happy as I am now are about the same as a supernova occurring tomorrow. I believe it does happen, but is a very rare thing, partly because of the deep passion and power men can have together - it's easy to burnout.
Jack and Ennis had a GREAT LOVE. Maybe they never said it to each other, but they surely knew it. Their love is right up there with Romeo and Juliet, and the characters in countless other romantic tragedies. There were so many good reasons why they could never have "a little cow and calf operation". They loved each other and they loved Brokeback Mountain. The three of them were totally woven together.
I feel like Jack was my lover and I lost him. I wish I could hold Ennis, like he would probably never be held again in his life. There would never be another person like Jack.
If people say this is all about how homophobic and repressed our culture was and is, they're missing the whole point. Yes it was and still is. But, strictly from a literary standpoint, all of the restrictions were needed in order to make for a great tragedy. The time, the place, the culture, everything fits perfectly together.
Today, Jack and Ennis could join the Gay Cattleman's Association and probably get a loan to setup their little ranch. The fact that they could be with each other so little added to the richness and power of their time together and their longing for the next time. Their lives revolved around those liaisons. Who can say that if they had settled down, their explosive relationship would have endured?
But, just as it is, it's one of the saddest, most powerful movies I've ever seen. Only time will tell how deeply I'm affected by it. But right now it hurts me, but it's also bringing healing to my soul.