U.S. GDP falls sharply due to Bridget Jones

Rating: 9/10 (25 November 2001)

The U.S. Gross Domestic Product fell 0.4% during the period ending Sept 30, 2001; a good deal of this can be attributed, I believe, to those of us ostensibly normal, usually productive women who have become obsessed--yes, obsessed!--with "Bridget Jones's Diary." I myself watch this flick at least once a week--let's see, that's 97 minutes multiplied by 52 weeks--84 hours a year--an entire two-week vacation, and that's not counting the time we spend thinking about it, and talking about it, and writing about it. If our husband's snoring wakes us in the middle of the night, we just hop out of bed and go watch the culminating KISS, or perhaps even the entire video; when this happens, we barely can function the next day at work. Our productivity is falling like the Leonid meteors.
What is wrong with us?! Maybe it's that we can't deal with the terrorist crisis and must find a means of escape. If so, this little darling of a movie is perfect escapist fare for silly, romantic women like us.
Here we have Bridget Jones--our alter ego--encountering our perfect hero--a man who's "moral and noble and normal...and helpful in the kitchen." And after many misunderstandings and missteps, at last he clasps us in his arms and bestows on us--um, I meant on HER--the most perfect, exquisite series of kisses in movie history. Omigosh! They're not your standard slobbery, predatory kisses of a male motivated by lust, but the tender and ardent kisses of a man fired by true love.
So we crawl back into bed with our husbands, our own true lovers--who are starting to look better and better to us in our altered state of being--resulting in more lost sleep all 'round, and now our poor husbands' job productivity is affected as well.
This film is practically subversive. Let's just hope the FBI doesn't find out about it.