Fantasy Island

Rating: 5/10 (25 July 2005)

Want to know what its like to live in England? Ask Richard Curtis. Hes always on hand to paint a picture of London life as imagined stateside - a London where everyone is middle class, has eccentric friends who are frightfully naughty because they swear a bit - where the ever so slightly repressed English handle sex with a mixture of crude embarrassment and the odd 'outrageous' outburst and a London in which it always snows at Christmas. If reality was half this middle of the road we might all kill ourselves with two and half big neurofens to a large glass of Chardonnay but thankfully this version of my fair city only exists in the mind of the Chelsea set and the Oxbridge media cult. Women love Bridget Jones of course, shes one of them you see. She worries about being fat, drinks too much, gets screwed over by men all the time (they ARE bastards aren't they?) and is prone to getting squiffy and making a fool of herself. A comfortable caricature for a lot of people I'm sure and lets be honest, if you identify with Bridget then its odds on that you've never held an original thought in your life. I'll bet you drink Pinot Grigo at pubs, are currently on a fad diet, have a fitness video hosted by an ex-Big Brother contestant and read Heat magazine. OK, you may say, what's wrong with a light bit of fairytale entertainment? Well nothing except that it seems to be the only kind of national representation that has any hope of being made these days and it gets on my bloody nerves. Also, would it be possible for an English lead to be played by, wait for it, an Englishwoman? Its bad enough that we've got to watch ourselves being parodied but surely to God we don't have to be impersonated as well? Incidentally, and I don't wish to offend anyone...which obviously isn't true but stick with it, there's nothing remotely funny about being the sort of Cosmo reading, ever so slightly kooky girl depicted here - if this is you, sit down and have a rethink tonight - life's too short to be a cliché.