Truly...terrible.

Rating: 2/10 (8 January 2012)

I've been getting some stick of late from my lady that we always end up watching my movies...zombies, monsters, guns and horror. I consider myself to have a diverse and open-minded attitude to film, so wished to prove this to her by hiring "Bridesmaids"...I mean, how bad could it be right? On the cover it had 5 stars from (what I thought) could be reliable sources and since some nut-bag declared that it was "better than the hangover" (which I mildly enjoyed...for slapstick eye-chewing gum)...I decided to give it time. Never before have I regretted wasting my evening on one particular entertainment item...so incensed at being lied to and conned by "professionals" and advertisement that I have decided to leave my bit on here for not only men seeking advice on this movie, but for anyone with any self respect and standards when it comes to film arts. Let me begin by explaining my 2 stars.
1) ACDC..."Dirty deeds done dirt cheap" - (thank you for the momentary relief and reassurance that there are good things in the world), coupled with the young lads comment at the end of the tennis scene "I've seen better tennis on a tampon commercial"...as far as one liners go, this was the pick of the film.
2) Melissa McCarthy. I'm sure most will agree the only semi-comical part in this drivel. The most 3D of characters, the most warming and genuine of the cast...but you were not involved nearly enough to save this train wreck.
So that's the good points...really. The rest was not as 'More Magazine' described as "Pure Feel Good". The rest was about a woman dealing with her depression, interspersed with cheap attempts at comedy. The bridal shop scene highlighting the result of food poisoning?? Come on...American Pie ring a bell? It would not of been so bad a thing if one could sympathise with the lead actress...but the writing made it feel as though she brought it all on herself, hardly the heroin...more the victim. Aside from the clunky and unbelievable flow of the proceedings, the relationships between the characters was so fake it was cringe- worthy...heightened by it's innate ability to prolong the torture of individual comic set-pieces such as the battle for the microphone during the engagement party. The trailers for this tripe did (as mentioned by other disgruntled reviewers) hint at it being a female-"hangover", it had me believing it was a film about the antics of a group of colourful and larger than life characters on a hen do. But the hen do didn't even happen! The most we received was the totally unrealistic portrayal of Kristen Wiig drunk on a plane. How I ever managed to get to the end...the grand finale with the weddings special guest appearance...I will never know. However when that moment occurred I realised the film had hit a remarkable low...and so had I.
I have been assured from my girlfriend that women do not interact with each other in the way this film portrays...as it turns out she thought it was as poor as I did. I can assure you, ladies and gentlemen, that this is not as 'The Daily Telegraph' states..."The funniest film of the year", although I cannot presume to say what may tickle your funny bone, I can at least make a suggestion as to a movie of superior writing/directing/humour from 2011...rent "Horrible bosses" instead. Not a classic or gut-buster by any means, but certainly a funnier 2011 film than this pile of motion pictured flatulence. This is the first time I've ever left a review of any sort online...be it for a shopping purchase or restaurant dinner etc. My reasoning is that it was late by the time we finished and if I went to bed I would have not been able to sleep through the frustration and washing-machine stomach sensation that this movie has brought on. My release on here has somewhat helped...that and finishing the rest of the "Dirty deeds..." album. I hope that this review has not been received as a rant from a cynical guy taking a shot at a chick-flick...if it has, then perhaps I have absorbed all of the cynicism from critics, paid bundles of cash to offer the general public their expert advice, who declare Bridesmaids to be "10 out of 10. Very, very, VERY funny" (Daily Star...should have known better). A quote as grotesquely misguided and deluded as placing this film in the category - comedy. Please...do yourself a giant favour, don't bother with this. Play a game of blind scrabble, walk over hot coals with a nail spiked through each of your heals, eat a dozen live worms while listening to "Spice Girls - Wannabe" on repeat...and perhaps you shall enjoy your evening more than I.
Good night...