What a Tartan Horror: A Travesty of Scottish History

Rating: 1/10 (7 December 2007)

One of these days I'll write some good comments about a decent movie. But not this time, and not this travesty of Scottish History. It was awful. Not from an acting or technical standpoint, I had no objections to the performances or the production values. My criticisms lie with the historical veracity of this overblown, ridiculously distorted epic. Just a few for now. Sir William Wallace was always a 'Sir', he was a baronet, and he was born with that title. He was not a commoner. He was a Scottish Border Lord, and as such made his living by fighting for either the English or the Scots, but only if there was something in it for him. My grandfather, who was born in the Highlands of Scotland, always called him 'Scotland's Pancho Villa', implying that he was a bandit, and my subsequent research has borne this out. Also, he was NOT a Highlander. He probably never wore a kilt or a belted plaid in his life, and definitely not while riding a horse. Try it sometime, riding a horse while wearing a kilt. See how your balls stand up. And the bulk of his army were not Highlanders, unlike the movie, which shows everybody with a claymore to grind against the Poms rushing hither and yon all wearing kilts of Macabre tartan. The evidence - and the Major, me grandfather - are adamant in insisting that Wallace was betrayed on purpose by Robert Bruce, something I have no problem agreeing with, as Bruce founded the Stuart Dynasty, and had more than a suspicion that Wallace wanted the Scottish Crown for himself. The conclusion of the movie shows a grim-looking Robert Bruce and his Army supposedly waiting to pledge their fealty to the English Crown, then spontaneously, just for the hell of it, deciding to attack and start the Battle of Bannockburn. Well, sorry, Mister Randy Wallace. He'd planned that battle for months. It's a pity they didn't show it. On its credit side, Patrick McGoohan's portrayal of Edward I, the Hammer of the Scots, was outstanding, and quite accurate, and the saving grace for this Goebbel's-like celluloid propaganda.
Peace for now. We're aye comin back tae see ye. Cruachen!