A Mad Look at British History

Rating: Null/10 (12 December 2002)

Kevin Costner must go nuts watching Braveheart, thinking, "Hey I make a stinking' historical movie like this and people kill it." Right you are Sir. In fact, it's really only the amazing screen power of Mel Gibson that makes this movie so damn good. Hollywood has shown us that sparing no expense in making a historical epic is by no means any guarantee of a quality effort. A Costner, or equally fishlike lead could probably have sunk this film as well. But Mel does a super job of keeping stuffy old history light, quite enjoyable and even inspirational. You have to know this is an outrageous mutation of the facts. To suggest that a Scottish outlaw sired the entire line of British monarchy is the sort of insult with which all former dominions seek to slap the broken empire. But please don't for a minute think it possible. People in such high places didn't fool around in those days, and take such chances. I don't care how googie in love they may have been. Isabella would have been roasted on the palace spit, once folks got a gander at the child's appearance. The truth is that, the fruit of this supposed union, Edward III bore a striking resemblance to Edward I. Historians think it probable that the child was therefore the issue of his own grandfather. Why these things bother me so much, I can't tell you. I'm not even British. I don't have a problem with an undersized Australian portraying a 7-foot Scot. Wallace's sword they say weighs more than Mel Gibson after a big meal. They still have it if you don't believe me. And I guess the events, transpired so long ago that it's excusable to cloud them and finagle history if the end result is a torrid love scene that de-tops a French hottie. Not. It bugs me that in films of this genre, Britain and America to a lesser extent, must suffer these slings and arrows as a sort of penance for world domination. There are simply far too many cretins who will only ever know their history by either going to the cinema or by squeezing butt pimples in front of their own television. Filmmakers I'm afraid bear a responsibility to educate these poor souls by not so smearing fact with conjecture. Or at least, informing them that in spite of the wicked cool accents and smart costumes, what they are viewing didn't really happen. I Do like this movie but at the same time, I'm afraid I will never be able to take it any more seriously than another historical send up by a different man named Mel. Mel Brooks, you must have heard of him.