Overblown Pompous Nonsense

Rating: 1/10 (4 June 2012)

In simple terms, this film is easily one of the worst I've seen in my 48 years on this planet. It contains some of the most diabolical 'acting' it's ever been my misfortune to witness. It just doesn't work on any level whatsoever, is pretentious beyond comprehension, badly scripted, directed and written. Oldham is truly awful, as usual, but it's the addition of Reeves and Ryder - check out those accents ! - for extra wooden effect that tip's this film from what might have been watchable nonsense, into a dire, embarrassing, incredibly expensive and totally unwatchable farce. Everyone in the film from Tom Waits to Anthony Hopkins - who normally serves up only the finest quality ham - is so over the top, so often and so intensely that it becomes nauseating after a very short time. It could only have possibly been made worse by being directed by the talentless, overrated hack Tim Burton. This film is basically trying - way too hard - to be horror for people who don't actually like horror, and is made by people who think they understand and can do Gothic, but really don't have a clue, a la Mr Timothy Burton. To my mind this version of Dracula is simply overly verbose, plastic goth, dressed up - emperor's new clothes style - as 'real literature' or art for the clueless middle classes.