what did i just watch?

Rating: 1/10 (7 December 2008)

you call this thing, this horrible thing a movie? its as if Bram Stoker was violently ill and took a huge dump on a film reel. i bet if he was alive right now he would be disgusted by this abomination to films based on books. whoever thought it would be a good idea to cast Keanu Reeves should be shot. all i could think about the entire movie is Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. the job description of every female character was to orgasm wildly to the mere sight of Dracula(i guess this is why all the weird kids in the mall call themselves vampires). and watch there chests in bed because there dimwitted editor would have them switch between clothed and nude every other shot. oh and one more thing... when in the book did they ever mention fountains of blood going off when people are bitten? it seemed like the director was constantly throwing blood vomit, or fountains in when ever he felt like it. this movie was 128 minutes of my life that i cannot get back.