I have offended you with my ignorance, forgive me

Rating: 6/10 (6 August 2007)

This Dracula adaptation accomplishes a seemingly impossible task: it's both a quite faithful AND an astonishingly unfaithful adaptation of Stoker's novel. It's faithful because no other adaptation I know of keeps all the characters of Holmwood, Seward and Quincey Morris. Besides, apart for the prologue, the story is basically true to the Transylvania (first act)/London (second act) /Transylvania (ending) structure of the novel.
And yet Coppola's movie is, character-wise, very much unfaithful to the book: the Count is a tragic character rather than a soulless monster; Mina is the reincarnation of Dracula's lost wife, so the script actually develops a romance between the two. Now, when it comes to adaptations I am not against changes, AS LONG AS the final result is true to the spirit of the book: here, it's not.
The always awesome Oldman is a charismatic and chilling presence as Dracula, but other performances are either forgettable (Ryder, Elwes) or hammy (Grant, Frost, Hopkins). I was especially disappointed by the latter: his Van Helsing is turned into a comedic character, a sort of Grampa Simpson on drugs. Waits is an effective Reinfield, but the fact Dr. Seward is so absurdly over-the-top makes their scenes together ridiculous - the madman here does not seem weirder than his doctor.
The worst is by far a miserable Keanu Reeves, here the very portrait of hilarious miscasting, who appears to break the fourth wall while uttering the quote I put in the review title. With his repugnant English accent and laughable delivery - my favorite lines being "if I may inquire", "blue inferno" and especially "Look! He's grown young!", which had me howling with laughter - he gives the kind of performance which should be punishable by law.
At least Dracula is visually compelling: it's luscious, with interesting composition, odd colour palettes, memorable costumes - Coppola toying with every trick of the medium.
6,5/10