The most important review available

Rating: Null/10 (14 November 2006)

It never ceases to amaze me just how much tripe people will put up with on this site. They post their ill-informed, uneducated, so-called "reviews" on this site without so much as a week's proper film schooling (unlike myself).
Therefore I shall post my review here, so you can benefit from my deep understanding of cinema without having to put up with other reviewers' trite and vacuous nonsense. Even young men who wear their baseball caps backwards might develop a slightly larger vocabulary if they pay close attention to my wise words. When you express your gratitude, feel free to recommend my advanced reviews to other people.
The film I would like to review for your benefit is titled "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan".
Clearly the film makers have gotten the title very, very wrong. It is far too long to remember easily and contains many childish grammatical mistakes. A far better title would have been "Borat Visits America", which explains the film content quite brilliantly in terms of correctness and conciseness. If the film-makers had consulted my vast experience on the subject of cinema, I could have suggested many other such improvements.
The film is a documentary that concerns Khazakhstani journalist Borat Sagdiyev. He is assigned to visit the United States and study the culture there in order to gain ideas how to improve Khazakhstan's economy. Clearly the country of Khazakhstan is intellectually and emotionally impoverished. I found it profoundly upsetting when Borat introduced his sister, for it turns out that she is a prostitute. Thankfully, the inhabitants intellectual and cultural development is so far behind that of the western world that they don't appear to exhibit any shame. I suspect their country desperately needs advanced critics such as myself in order to educate them culturally; it is tragic that I am unavailable to assist them since I am too busy educating westerners like yourself. The tragedy is palpable.
Whilst visiting the US, Borat takes every available opportunity to interview Americans. Unfortunately he has not mastered the English language very well and subsequently he tends to be often misconstrued as being rude. I found this to be equally tragic. The film would have been much better if the film-makers had hired the services of a great reviewer like myself as a script consultant in order to make this journalist appear much more professional. After about an hour of the film I decided that I couldn't bear seeing a professional in such difficult circumstances any more, so I left the theatre.
I would like to wrap up this review by noting that I understand the celluloid medium better than the film-makers (particularly Larry Charles who directed). They would benefit greatly from seeking my guidance in future.
I would also like to note that this film currently has a very high IMDb rating of 8.4 out of 10. Whilst the film did indeed have many interesting moments and is fully deserving of such a high score, I was incensed to find out that Bertolucci's "La Commare secca" had a paltry IMDb score of 6.8. Furthermore, I believe that it would have exuded more greatness had I directed it. Therefore I gave this film 1 out of 10. I believe the IMDb quite rightly gives my scores much more weight than other reviewers due their considerably greater importance. Hopefully, this should bring this film down a little. You may now continue to read less important dirges about this film, now that I have finally educated you properly.