No plot, no tension and too long, but oh, that final concert!

Rating: 5/10 (4 February 2019)

Bohemian Rhapsody is the unthrilling account of one man's quest to sequentially join a band, become famous, write Bohemian Rhapsody, record Bohemian Rhapsody, release Bohemian Rhapsody as a single, come out of the closet and reunite with his band in time to play Live Aid before he dies of AIDS. Don't worry, I haven't given any spoilers, as the only one of these things you might not be 100% sure is going to happen if you're a casual Queen fan is the Live Aid thing, and the movie shows this happening in its first scene. As a consequence, there is no tension whatsoever in this film. Particularly difficult problems might occasionally require two scenes to overcome, but the vast majority are sorted out within the same scene they arose.
Sample dialogue:
Mercury: "We're going to write a rhapsody about Bohemians."
Record executive: "That can't possibly be done."
Mercury: "We've already written it."
Record executive: "Well there's no way you can record it."
Interior, recording studio.
"It's a Bo...hemian rhapsody."
Fortunately, the narrative (!) part of the movie finishes with 20 minutes to go, and the finale is simply a recreation of the 1985 Live Aid set. The music is so compelling and the visuals so beautifully shot that it's almost enough to make the viewer forget the nonsense that has preceded it. But then, I'd been in my seat for over two hours by the time the Live Aid sequence started and it was very hard to understand why some of the "Should we update our sound and write Another One Bites the Dust?" "Yes, let's do that," conversations couldn't simply have been deleted.
Maybe I just don't understand biopics, but to me, this movie is a mess, and not one worth persisting with (Queen's Live Aid set is available on Youtube).