It's Not Tubular

Rating: 5/10 (18 July 2004)

From the thoroughly mediocre school of filmmaking, here comes director John Stockwell's 'Blue Crush'. Its graduates...uh, actors include Kate Bosworth, Michelle Rodriguez, and a bunch of other pretty people you've never heard of. Bosworth is Anne Marie, the super-talented surfer with a confidence problem. Before the movie is half over, she's in love with a pro quarterback and struggling to gumption up for the big all-girls surf championship. It's your standard 1980's Tom Cruise picture.
If a movie with such modest ambitions is supposed to make you want to go out and take up surfing, I say, hand me my 'Point Break' DVD instead. Sure, 'Blue Crush' is professionally made and the camerawork is fine, but how hard is it to pretty up shots of the Hawaiian ocean when it's in the form of gorgeous, humungoid waves? That's a natural beauty that speaks for itself and doesn't need Hollywood to flaunt it. As for the screenplay by Lizzy Weiss & Stockwell, well, they're proficient with the surfing lingo. They're also absentminded enough to bury their various hanging plot threads in an undertow. The flick is not trying to be a deep meditation on the entire wave-lovin' experience, but that's no excuse for staggering along with such a sub-par story.
As unremarkable as they may be, the female leads are about the best thing in the film. They all look smart in bathing suits---the words "woo hoo" come to mind---and they're fairly natural. Plus, these likable babes don't grate with too many, "you go, girl" comments. Rodriguez even smiled once or twice, which confirms that she DOES have more facial expressions than just snarling and pouting. But despite the physical beauty of the waves and the girls, the film they're in is generic goop. Parents will be happy that all the sex is kiss-kiss-fadeout, there's nary a drug, and only a handful of cuss words. All the same, I'm certainly not happy with the content of 'Blue Crush'. It's just not tubular, dude.